European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - September 28, 1967, Darmstadt, Hesse                              The two at least would the real Hubert Horatio Humphrey please stand still by j. F. Ter Horst Nana staff writer up real insiders in this City Long have suspected there was More than one Hubert Horatio Humphrey. No one Man could do All that the vice president is credited with doing since coming into office nearly three years ago. Now at Long last there is a mass of evidence from official and unofficial sources hat strips away the secrecy. I have in my Possession As sen. Joe Mccarthy used to say a document from the vice president s office. It purport that Humphrey has travelled about 500. 000 Miles since Jan. 1, 1965.that figures out to an average of roughly 500 Miles a Day. Furthermore the document puts him in 480 different places on the Globe and aboard 445separate airlifts a schedule which would have Humphrey out of town every other Day. All of which is pretty hard to believe. In the first place it would to the record of the late Secretary of state John Foster Dulles. Even former pres ident Eisenhower has said that no Man could do better than , it would mean that Humphrey gets around More than his predecessor in the Job. Lyndon Baines Johnson. And everybody knows , with his penchant for turning out lights can t be spending that kind of Money on just one travelling sales Man. Every Schoolboy knows that the Vic president s Job is to preside Over the . Senate and sometimes break a tie vote. This particular Humphrey is Jolly Man. He smiles a lot likes to slap backs and Tell funny  what about the Man they Call or. Vice president Over at the Whitehouse he s a spitting image of the Capitol ill Humphrey but he acts differently. For one thing he s quieter especially around or. Johnson. This one has an office next door to the White House Afancy suite with pretty draperies and deep carpets. But reporters rarely Getto see him there. On a typical Day the Bosto papers will have him making a speech there the Washington papers will have him snipping the ribbon at a civic project there and somebody purporting to be the vice president of the United states is on your television screen a night talking to Johnny Carson in new York. In Minneapolis Humphrey friends can show you photographs proving that Hubert Humphrey is a dyed in the Woolfan of the Minnesota twins. It would be pretty hard to convince baseball addicts that this is the same Man who roots for the Washington  would be like saying that the Man who Calls Bobby Kennedy my Goodfriend puts his Arm around Georgia gov. Lester Maddox and has a Nice word for Premier Nguyen Cao by is the same vice  May not be Able to say which president put two chickens in every Potor two cars in every garage. But Lyn Don Johnson deserves the credit forgiving America two Hubert Humphreys. Ann Landers dear Ann Landers i am Aboy 15 years of age. All the Guys i go with have had their voice change already but not me. When i answer the phone my Mother s friends always say Wilma How Are you once in a while someone will mistake me for my 13-year-Oldsister. This is very embarrassing and i Don t know what to do about it. It is also Embarrass ing to the people who mistake me for a girl and they fall allover themselves apologizing which Only makes matter worse. Do you know of any Way to get a Guy s voice to change faster Slowpoke dear slow you la laugh about this one Day although i m sure you Don t see any thing funny right now. Just Tell yourself that every boy sinc Alexander Graham Bell has Page 14 had this happen to him an be patient lad before you know it your voice will be right Downin the cellar. Dear Ann Landers perhaps you will say my problem is nothing compared with a Wom an whose husband is an Alco Holic and beats her but i Nee to talk to someone. Please Don t suggest i talk to my Clergyman because he wishes he had a dozen More like Good old  Joe is a  is on 11 committees which involve Church business an civic causes. With Only one car and a tight budget i am left at Home almost every evening when 1 try to talk to Joe about this he says it s for a Good  the children idolize their father because they Don t see him very much. When he is at Home it is one big picnic. He plays with them As if he Werea kid himself no discipline just fun and games. He is the swell Guy and i am the mean one. Everyone in town thinks Joeys terrific. He gets medals awards and Praise galore. Inthe meantime i am alone alot dear alone in order to change your husband you d have to Start with his grand Mother. Men and women too who give so much of them selves to the Community that nothing is left for the family pay a High Price for the med als and awards. But they love the glory because it makes them feel important. Hire Sitter and go with him when Ever you can. In the mean time continue to discipline the kids and be the mean  la thank you in a few years. 1967, publishers newspaper Syndicate the stars and stripes Bell Call by Sylvia Ashton Warner Bantam employing a Brand of writing wizardry that has become her trademark Sylvia Ashton Warner Peoples her new zealand landscape with several extraordinary characters. A Central figure is Dan Francis a Middle aged novelist an widower who becomes involved with the problems of his neigh Bors the packets Gavin tart and their four Young , a Young College professor with Strong ideas on education has impressed his ideas on his Walfish wife Tarl who is deter mined to live in what she terms the everlasting now a life concerned with enjoying the moment and free of business routine and convention. Bell Call the school Bells calling the children to class symbolizes the Core of conflict. Gavin s theory holds that children Kun Ugo to fcll�.01 Only when they wish the theory is tested when the local child welfare authorities insist that the packets son Ben attend school or be taken from them does Tarl have the Freedom to be different. Excellent is the True Freedom of the spirit to be found Only within the framework of discipline and order Bell Call is Well Worth Reading for its absorbing Story an for its issues the controversies and definitions of contemporary problems of individual Freedom in society and in education. Mary Eberl powdered eggs by Charles Sim Nons Crest this Short prize winning novel is a pure and simple Ball a wildly swinging affair of puns and gags happenings and non happenings both improbable and inescapable at times oddly moving and affirmative at other moments bitter and damning. But at All times powdered eggs is absorbing and a fictional supposedly experience not to be passed up lightly. In the form of a series of letters to a Friend a la pal Joey the novel is less a progression than a Progress report on love religion sex and american manners and morals. And Inci dentally it is a critical peek at fiction writing As it currently is practice or perhaps happens would be More accurate events flit by a Section dealing with the theft of photos for a phony encyclopedia the death of a father and the crying helplessness of the individual caught in the vast Medico funereal system of America the crisis of being a non practising Catholic with a practising Catholic Girlfriend and a Nice Happy look at tourist Italy As it is Seldom looked at in this super sophisticated Era of travel. Powdered eggs like much of the better fiction being written today does not admit to being summarized the novel itself is a summary. Better to offer a selected quote i just snuck away from Jose s room. He s giving a sort of coming out party for Rita Barbara nun Tootsie which i be decide to contract to Nutsie. The hit is the Nutsie everyone is attracted to her  offensive perhaps. Deft and Quick yes. A major Talent quite possibly. At least a darn Fine beginning. Sam Bauman Triumph by Philip Wylie Crest Philip Wylie is hipped on the subject of atomic War i tomorrow a novel written in the mid fifties Wylie used a nuclear attack on America to put his Case for a Well organize civil defense and shelter setup. An Alert civil defense and Well planned shelter program he said would Cut enormously the casualty rate in the event of an attack. In Triumph however nothing would save the United states. Wylie seems to have stretched a bit in the makeup of the survivors. There s a negro his daughter a japanese boy a chinese girl a jew an Ordinary american working Man a Gigolo Type two children an ail american boy an industrialist and his wife daughter and mistress. Vance Farr the industrialist spares no expense in building his panic Palace beneath a Connecticut Mountain. The shelter has everything food air even sports equipment the group needs to survive. And survive they do. The novel has a fairly upbeat ending that is if you can be upbeat when half the world is destroyed. All in All though Triumph seems to be a pot boiler and not up to the Wylie who wrote generation of vipers and the  Pete Shinn the bad seed by William March Dell mrs. Christine Penmark gets the Shock of her life when she discovers the horrifying details of her own background that her Mother was a murderess without conscience who died in the electric chair after hacking up most of the family with a Hatchet. The Shock converts to terror when mrs. Penmark learns Thatcher own Sweet faced daughter 8-year-old Rhoda has inherited i the Bent for homicide. The Little girl is greedy and a born  March unfolds the plot with skill and spine tingling suspense. Mrs. Penmark arrives at a carefully studied solution to the problem of Rhoda after she has convinced herself that the child took time out from studying her sunday school lessons to push a old lady Down the stairs drown a playmate and set fire to a sleeping Man. First published in a hardback edition in 1954, the bad seed was made into a movie and now pops up again in paperback. A word of advice read it when there Are no children around or the Little rascals May take on evil proportions that will cause you to have Goose bumps and lose sleep. James Gunter thursday september 28, 1967