European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 23, 1977, Darmstadt, Hesse Poge 20 the stars and stripes monday May 23, 1977 there is no Wisdom there Are Only punchlines by John Leonard new York tits cd t t will happen by Accident. No one will have i warned you. Why should they they have their i own erotic Depths and nasal passages to worry i you will leave the safety of your typewriter i the Sanctuary of your Home and perhaps a pro i1 Vocative Book Only half read on genetic Engi sneering or How to process Cin Nabu in a cuisinart. Going out is a Way of not watching scene from a marriage on television. What you expect is an in lacing of the mind among Loose friends. Off with the boots of duty let us talk Small gnaw Chicken and risk a this is not to be. You know it is not to be at the door of your Friend s apartment which is opened by one of those servants rented for the evening from a Bat Cave in surprising Queens. He will hide your Raincoat sneer at your Blue jeans and fetch you a drink. It is then a serious party. At serious parties. New yorkers Are not expected to fetch their own drinks having to move from one Side of a my to the other would cramp us in our seriousness. On the other hand Bat people tend to pin you into conversational Corners. You can to when some aggressive gnome starts in on psychoanalysis or astrology excuse yourself to freshen your drink. The fresh drink Materia Lizes at your Elbow like a character Are you Able to employ what is known in select Cir cles As the Michael Arlen gambit. The arten gambit is to Arm yourself at the bar with a couple of your own drinks. Two listed then you can make your escape from an ambush by maniacal bores i m sorry 1 really would like to hear More about the Basic Ingram and operating Thela ism. But Duchess Pittsburgh is waiting for her toddy of Goat s it is to be sure a Tricky gambit for smokers. Both hands occupied what Are you to do with the burning Weed in the Middle of your food Hole if Only ears had thumbs a Bat person in t going to fetch you two drinks at the same time not unless he steals your allow your Eye to Graze on the pasture of those pre sent and your Bonhomie evaporates. Can celebrity Bood be said to glower As if behind Sandwich boards advertising their own famous names they sit on sullen stools. It i Wall to Wall pout. See the famous to Anchorman the famous Magazine editor the famous newspaper columnist the famous Courtesan. There Are several novels a Broadway play Hall Cabinet two Banks one foot Ball team a jazz musician and an englishman the Yare waiting for the latest edition of themselves for the reviews for lefty and godot or an energizing principle. There Are too Many celebrities and not enough sycophants. Such a discrepancy will be hard on the husbands and wives of the Luminati. Somebody has to Grovel and sigh. Somebody has to be shouldered aside so that Oaks a of us about May huddle before they re felled. This is More than Seri Ous. This is Power baby. This is the sort of party where you have to decide whether you Are important enough to wait for the other fellow first. Careers like camels Hunker Down to snooze with away Eye on which Way the fan is blowing. The sad fact is that taken sing y,.celebrities Are inter Esting in herds they Low. It is a collective Gaiter you want to give them a Pill to reduce the swelling. Why Arethey driven to perform in our Art and science the magic of our Money making our sneaking politics we Adum brate and counterfeit. A self is suggested. An image is projected. Our children know better but what a Burden it is to pretend to be what we have made to try to live up or Down to an idea of us arrived at in some committee meet ing or in desperation. It was after Alt just one idea among Many. What a trial to be Norman Mailer Billy Carter Farrah Fawcett majors to have to grow a personal Ity along the lines of the one Yon invented the one that Soldi to have to compete with other fabricated personalities inflation of cunning blimps of ego to Jostle at a Power party. The More one distend the More easily one is bruised. Suppose you Are not Clever except at a typewriter. Sup pose you Are not sensitive except in the Middle of the night a month later. Suppose your generosity is theoretical your courage wholly literary your fast Ball lacking jumping Beans your Heartbreak is psoriasis. Suppose deep Down you suspect that you Are Dull and your Public works Are a form of vengeance. You talk a Good poem and think by numbers. Once upon a time i was interest ing then Mother died and 1 bad to give it up. Friends ought to know who you really Are. And invite you to dinner is no Wisdom there Are Only punchlines. By Ermo bomb Chat wits end i was autographing books at one of those Little Rattan tables in the Book department of a Midwest department store when i found myself looking into the sad dest eyes 1 had Ever seen. The doctor wanted me to buy something that would make me she hesitated about signing the Book. It would have taken corrective surgery to make that woman laugh. Is it Abig problem i asked. The whole line was eavesdrop Ping to yes. My daughter is getting i married. The line cheered. Is she 12 or something she s 24." said the woman biting her lip. And he s a wonderful Man. It s just that she could have stayed Home a few More woman behind her looked Wistful. We be moved three times and our son keeps finding us. Some women have All the in t ii curious How some mothers Don t know when they be done a Good Job or when it s basically fins bed they figure the longer toe kids Han around the better parents they Are. F guess it All de pends on How you regard children in the first place. How do Yon regard yours Are they like an appliance the More you have the More status you command they re under warranty to perform at your whim for the first 18 years then when they Start costing Money you gel rid of them Are they like a used car you maintain it for years and when you re ready to sell it to someone else you feel a great responsibility to keep it running or it reflects on you that s Why some parents never let their children marry Good friends Are they like an endowment policy you invest in them for 18 or 20 years and then for the next 20 years they return dividends that support you in your declining years or they suffer from terminal Guill Are they like a finely gilded Mirror that reflect the image of their owner in every Way on the Day the owner looks in and sees a flaw a crack a Distor Tion one tiny idea or attitude that is different from us own he casts k aside and declares himself a fail ure. I see children As kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you re both breathless. They crash. You add a longer Tail. They hit the rooftop. You Pluck them out of the spout. You Patch and Comfort adjust and teach. You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they la Fly. Finally they Are airborne but they need More string and you keep letting it out and with each twist of the Ball of twine there is a sadness that goes with the Joy because the Kite becomes More Distant and somehow you know that it won t be Long before that Beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that bound you together and soar As it was meant to soar. Free and then do you know that you did your Job. Ici fed Enon Palm Lite
