European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 13, 1980, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 18 the Tarsan stripes saturday september 13, 1980 time of Scarf fee ing like doing something people can go two ways. They can turn out or they can turn in. I m for turning out. It is the fashion however to turn in. Folks Are hooked on themselves have too much time to Brood and Are turning into Dostoevsky s underground Man. The territory these people Are exploring is variously called the soul the psyche the seat of the emotions. Die personality the self and the place where your head is at. It is dangerous territory whatever you Call it. Americans Are in danger of thinking them selves to death. They Are examining their marriages exploring their sexuality finding them selves getting in touch looking for the real them. We used to be a nation of doers. In fact that Quality was what we were proudest of. Now we Are stuck in the muck of us and can t get out. I get the feeling that everybody is reeling. Worrying about How you feel gets you no where. Most of us if we look inside will find a pretty awful mess consisting of hurts wounds grudges envy spite hostility laziness and greed. This stuff is called original sin at least in the South. We have been sitting around try ing to get Good feelings about ourselves and others for the last ten or Twenty years. It is the Clever thing the moderns have come up with to keep us from having to do anything for our selves and others women Are worried that they have Low self esteem to they wait to get confident. Men Are worried that they Are cold and aggressive so they wait to get tender. Chil Dren Are worried that they Are misunderstood so they wait to make themselves Clear. If the urge to do something comes Over us we lie Down and think about it some More until we Are sure our motivation is pure. Better yet we form a group to talk about our problems together. I have a vision of america., we Are All Silling around in some sterile room without curtains. Seme non music is piping in. We Are All smoking and counting our anxieties. We Are All talking to beat the band and Are thrilled to be so in touch with our feelings at last. We Are going to leave the meeting and go Home to think about it some More. It was such a kick to get All those warm fuzzier from the group. We Are ecstatic. Hold the feeling is our motto. I wish we would do something. But we can t. We have to wait for the perfect moment the moment when All the stars Are in the right places when we Don t feel fat or incompetent or Blue or Low or High. The Day never comes. Anybody with any sense can Tell you that a Little doing will take care of what ails you. Doing Means turning out. It s what our grand parents did before analysts were invented. My grandma was � great doer. She cleaned the House walked around the Block called on the sick shut in picked some Flowers worked a crossword Puzzle baked a cake memorized a poem went to Church invited somebody Over or dug a ditch. She hardly Ever entertained a feeling. When she did she called it nonsense. She was a healthy woman body and Pul. Some people Call what Granny did repression. I rail it smart Flannery o Connor the great storyteller knew All about what my grandmother was like. When Flannery signed off at the end of a letter she said let me know How you  she did t give a Damn about what you Felt. Think she was on to something something bigger than the state of her mood she was a Good southerner like my grandmother. They both got the Job done and no Messing around neither. Of. John s College forbids smoking in its classrooms Annapolis my. Up the Dean of St. John s College evoking a clause in the school charter which makes him responsible for the students , has banned smoking in us. Ich heii3e.uh. Vou have am Amazi rect pm a a duty with tub Ecman it. Of hike class. The no smoking order filtered Down from Edward s. Sparrow during a faculty meeting at the 284-year-old school that provides its 370 students with a demanding chronologically structured curriculum based on More than 100 great books by such writers As Homer Pla to Chaucer and Shakespeare. Well stick with it but Success depends on the cooperation with the tutors Sparrow said noting that the same no smoking policy is also in effect at the school s Santa pc n.m., Campus. He cited recent studies that show non smok ers Are harmed by the smoke from their neigh Bor s cigarettes As a reason for the ban. The school s director of admissions Esti mated that 20 percent of the entering freshman class Call themselves smokers but said the percentage of smokers at the school has been steadily declining each year. 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Members 31 zoo Denizen 41 parisian head 41 preposition 42 new York canal 43 Green Shade 44-five time out today s crossword 9-13 dear Ann i la be a senior in High school and so will my boy Friend. We be been going together for 2vi years. I guess by now it � love. We broke up a few limes bus we always got Back together. Now i be a serious problem. We started to have sex six months after we began to go steady. I held off As Long As i could. At first it was very exciting but the excitement is gone. 1 Don t feel like making love nearly As much As i used to if at All. I Only wish to heaven i d never started in with this sex thing. After we re through i m really turned off and i want him to leave me alone. I know this sounds childish but t can t explain my feelings because i m so mixed up and ashamed of myself. Thank god no one knows. Can you give me some advice desperate at 15 dear desperate my advice b break up with this fellow and stay apart for at least six months. You need a fresh Start tilth someone else. Good Luck Boney. Dear Ann i come from a Large family. There used to be eight of us now Only four. I be been married nearly 40 years. Twenty five years ago my wife told me she did t want to have anything to do with my family. There were never any arguments or fights. She just decided one Day that they were not her Type. I love my Brothers and Sisters and their children and feel that we should see each other As much As possible in the years left to us. We re in our 60s and 70s. I be asked my wife to put the past behind and pretend she s meeting my people for the first time. They re perfectly willing but she in t. If we can t have peace among families How can we Hope to have it among nations any suggestions unhappy dear unhappy Many people put up with a Dalfres they Aren t crazy abort because it pleases a spouse. Too bad us Toman Job curried is stub bom and set Funi. Don t Adow her to make your life miserable. If your wife wort go Wotli you to family affairs n without Fer. Dear Ann my husband often quotes a letter Yon print from a husband whose wife kept bring ing up an old affair he had and eventually left her. I d like you to print her tide of the Story which is similar to mine. My husband too was unfaithful for years after we got married and continued to see nil live in Girlfriend. When i found out about it i was crushed and my whole life was shattered. I didst divorce him because by then to had children and in Many other ways he was and is a Good Man. However i be not been Able to erase the pain. Every time something reminds me of the betrayal the old wound opens up. He resents it and that s when he quotes you. My response is that he caused the wound but he does not want to look at the scar. Respond please. Scarred soul dear what mod Toa to so to look at a can to matter a fort used them. If a Eltiy it Best i saggy St Coo Seuff. Yon need to Ler Ballu Yoor Fern and get rid of to atm Oace and for Alt 1c Ino pud Elm Rob. Toe