European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 20, 1980, Darmstadt, Hesse Saturday september 20. 1980 the stars and stripes Poge 73 rams need a stage Nof a stadium the rams Are not really a football earn they re a musical comedy. A sitcom. One of those old Frank Capra movies with a hous caul of eccentrics. You know where the Kotlier keeps running through in Tutu and silk slippers thinking the the Lead in Swan Lake where the Dotty old Grandfather think he s an inventor and keeps blowing up the attic where the Handyman thinks be Teddy Roosevelt where the daughter b about to ran off with a six Day bicycle rider or an elephant Trainer where the ton wants to keep a pet Bent Constrictor in the Bathtub the grandmother sings psalms and tries to heal the Rick Junior plays the drams and trumpet at the me time in the going room the television repairman keeps wandering through saying there is no Center and a the father wants is to find his Golf dubs which the grandmother has used to poke the fire. There it also a nest in the House a son in Law who keeps trying to make people disappear and has to be restrained from sawing subjects in half because he really might. Here is the dramatic personae of what Thornton Wilder might Call our but they May re lease it As Gidget goes to the super bowl or you not Only can t take it with you. But. With the rams you can t get it in the first Georgia frontiere a coloratura Soprano who inherits a football team but would really rather play naughty Marietta with Nelson Eddy and the Vienna boys choir and thinks the football team is a headache but then everyone knows you can t get Good help these Malaya i a football coach who won Ders what he has to do to get out of this picture and Why be did t take his father s advice and get a Job As an Engineer on the Odaware Lackawanna or the Hoboken Ferragamo a poor Tut honest quarterback who worked himself up by his Boot straps from first to second string. He would get the girl in any movie he Ever played in. On the rams he can t even get the football. The rams think he was Lucky to Lead them to the super bowl last year be cause he kept completing Long passes to players the rams did t even know they had. In fact neither did the Dallas cowboys. Which May be Why they left them uncovered. They thought they were agents. Things always work out right for Vince in the end just As they always did for Gary Cooper but it drives the audience nuts because it takes the other Guys in the act so Long to find out he s the Guy in the Whitehat Don Klosterman Hiss is the villain. Don is the bad Guy in this version of East he does t do Well by our hero Vince. The audience is afraid if Pat Hadyn does t keep breaking his Finger Don will Trade Vince for Charles Young. Don gets to Wear the Cape and the top hat in Olio and say curses foiled again our own or. Hyde. Fat Haden you would t give this spot in the movie to Helmut Dantine. Pat gets to play the Don Kloste Mun Vince Ferragamo Star who is keeping the understudy in the Wing unlit the Day he Falls and Breaks his leg Well in this Case his Finger and the stage manager pushes the understudy Vince Ferragamo. Out there and says kid. You re going out a nobody and you re com ing Back a Star Spencer Tracy would t touch Pat s part with a 10-foot pole. Kid i Don t play cameos or sympathetic sex husbands he would say Pat has brains and a sense of humor but unfortunately his fingers Are fickle. Paul Caruso Paul Caruso plays an agent in this one but Paul s really the last of the great mouthpieces in this country the lawyer who wears red vests and velvet cuffs and looks As if he s on his Way to a Duel in Paris instead of a courtroom in Modesto and he gets divorces and custody of the Money for Movis stars who run off with their chauffeurs and he could gel a Hung jury for the Guy who shot Santa Clam. He once got audic Murphy off an assault with a deadly weapon rap by asking the jury How could a Guy who killed 802 germans across the Rhine miss a Guy kissing his wife across the room ordinarily agents Are Young Guys in Raccoon Coats and six slave bracelets and no socks who get into sports Agentina because jocks get belter broads than the frock Salesman or the dentists associations they ordinarily add up Bills for. Caruso found iut Ferragamo signed with the rams for $25, 000 his first season $35,000 his second and $47,500 last year and he gets Only 10 percent More than this for his option year or $52,550, and he figured Vince did t need an agent he needed an Angel. Also an Abacus. The rest of the rams Are right out of Mack san Nett. This is a team that went to the super bowl with a 9-7 record last year a team that scored 14 Points More than its opposition Over 16 games lost two games in a Row by a combined score of 22-70, scored Only three touchdowns More than its opposition and scored five fewer by passes. I Tell you. It s a spoof. Mel Brooks gets to direct. It s High Camp. The Ritz Bros in the three musketeers All it needs is a laugh track. To an govt to twi chargers out to Cut Denver Jinx by Gerald Eskenazy new York not the following games will be played this weekend in the National football league american conference san Diego m at Denver 1-1 sur rounded by a hostile sea of Orange Dan fouls and the san Diego chargers will try to break a 12-year losing Streak in Denver sunday when they face the Bron american conference Western division Battle matches the Aerial antics of Fouts against a Well drilled Bronco de sense that helped crush the Dallas cow boys last Broncos also throw but conservatively. When he was a quarterback with the new York jets Matt Robinson often used the Long pass to his favorite wide receiver Wesley Walker. Now a Bronco Robinson looks to his backs. He did try three Long passes in the 41-20 Victory Over Dallas All were , and often is the chargers game. They Are undefeated this sea son out they have not won at mile High stadium since fonts a Charger since 1973, was in High school. Four has the conference highest completion percentage 66.6. He averages 8.23 Yards per completion and he throws on half the plays. He already has passed for seven touchdowns four to John Jeffer son who has 15 can go deep because be has time. One reason is that the chargers picked up John Cappelletti from los Angeles to help with blocking in the Backfield. Cap self Cut also it the second leading rusher in the Broncos meanwhile say that the Altitude of mile High stadiums a deter rent to visiting teams is overrated. But fans in Denver like to believe that they wearing Orange shirts waving Orange banners and Pompo is and rooting for their Orange crush defense have an effect. In coach red Miller s three plus sea sons the Broncos Are 19-5 at Home and 14-10 on the Road. Betting Choice Denver by i is. New England i a at Seattle i i the patriots remain enigmatic. Perhaps their surprising loss to the Falcons in which they yielded 37 Point resulted from the turmoil of having four holdouts. The sea Hawks quarterback Jim Zora has had to make big plays Over the years to offset a porous defense. The sea Hawks Are Corning off a 17-16 Victory Over Kan Sas City. Betting Choice Seattle by 2. Baltimore 1-1 at Houston 1-1 a healthy Bert Jones again is clicking with Roger Carr his favorite deep receiver. Houston had a monday night Victory and nil Roundup is returning to play its Home opener at the Astrodome where Ken Stabler will be welcomed As the new quarterback and where Carl Campbell does what he does Best. Betting Choice Houston by 7. 2-0 at Cincinnati 0-2 the sleepers Are champions and do what champions have to to win said the Colts coach Mike Mccommack after the steel in held on to beat Baltimore. But Cincin Nati has taken two of the last three games at Home against Pittsburgh and the key element Here could be the absence of the Steeles John Stalworth who is or. The injured Reserve list. Betting choke Pitts Burgh by 6vi.tsuws City 0-2 to cd tend �-2 both Are vulnerable to the pass and the chiefs Are without a Victory after having been favored twice. The Browns pass Rush has been poor. As a result the de sense spent two thirds of the game on the Field monday against Houston. Betting Choice Cleveland by 3m. Hate conference Saa fraud so 2-0 at jets 0-2 the jets pass Rush is seriously impaired with the probable loss of Joe Klecko at right end. So Steve Deberg the 49er quarterback figures to retain Bis completion percentage of almost 65 percent by mine his sure handed backs Paul Holer Ana Earl Cooper they Are the top two receivers in the National conference in number of catches. Betting Choice new York by Miami 1-1 at Atlanta 1-1 the Bob Griese Era apparently is Over and Don Strock
