European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - April 18, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns too Eloot by Tony Are simple cars of yesteryear by John Windrow staff columnist got car a coworker mentioned the other morning As we were trying to decide whether we should put a photo of a giant Panda on Page Hope its nothing i this was an exceptionally insipid reply on my with anything More complicated than a full ashtray Means a trip to the the Only thing i Ever changed myself on any car i owned was a License that took half a morning and i ruined a set of computer he said with a Grunt is the computer Down i looking for a technician with a wild in Pur its nigh unto impossible to put out the paper without our the computer in he i just told you 1 have car i let out a Long i tried not to show How Happy i the computer trouble was his alone and not what does a computer in a car do it tells you How much Gas you if the Battery is the temperature puts Cje the whether you need Oil or if the brakes Are in working How Many Kilometres per liter of fuel youre what time it stuff like having been tormented by 3 computer for Many in the i thought that anyone who would let a computer into his car deserved whatever Fate befell i kept the thought to and your car computer is out of order i asked the Battery was Down because i haunt been driving it he so i took it off and charged no Surprise Ever since my colleague bought his new he spoiled pampered it As if it were a movie Starlet who  say he Only takes it out of the garage for a warm water Bubble Bath and a Loving my of the other lives the wretched life of an a Blind Dray a completely ignored when it int transporting me from Point a to Point i was putting the Battery Back he and the cables  never i so i tried to Force them still no did you Call a Mechanic i i didst Call a he m called my fetch my i told ill have the Best of this Battery she brought me my biggest Hammer and i pounded the cables what happened then the Sparks shot up four feet like roman All the insulation burned off All the the garage filled up with smoke and i  you said id hammered the cables on in my i snatched my mouthwash out of my pocket and sprayed it on the its about 50 percent so they burned All the was it a total loss no i got some new cables and the car drives but the computers it says the Gas tank is full when its empty and vice the time of Day flashes up in six it says in getting Kilometres per liter of its lost its bleeding sell it i said before it turns on like so much of modern have become far too complicated for the yeomanry to they Drain our they Poison our they Jam themselves into our cities and onto our leaving no room for the common Folk to ramble they turn suicidal in the dreary wintertime and pile themselves up by the hundreds in flaming heaps on the they do All this maliciously and with it want always this cars used to be simple and i once had a 1956 Chevrolet Del Green and two door i stole it for when it was Only 10 years it sat six up to 13 on one raucous it did 70 going the radio worked so Well you could pick up new Orleans and Chicago late at night if you were it drove so smoothly you could hold a open quart of Beer Between your Knees and never spill a i got it stuck in the cleaned out a dozen ran it through a honeysuckle bounced it Down the Railroad didst Hurt it a the differential fell slap out onto the Highway with Miles showing on the i hauled it to a Whiske drinking Mechanic who sighed a deep sigh and told me my Del Ray had the whats that i asked needs More than you can pay he when did the modern world Stop making cars like that and Start making cars with computers and Power Windshield wipers we should ferret out whoever is responsible and drag him howling to the april stripes Magazine