European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 3, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 the stars and stripes May Lumens Hes absolutely not Horn Missoura by Russell Baker if youre planning to be a newspaper dont Ever have a Hometown named Morrisonville or come from a state called and ill Tell you because one of these Days youre going to Wake up with a head so empty of ideas that you could use it to hang the laundry out to and How Are you going to conceal the vacuum when its time to produce the Days column youve already used up president Reagan wont and youve rewritten it As president Reagan still wont and then youve rewritten it again As president Reagan is never going to but the democrats dont offer much you dont dare rehash the column about your kids How cute they Are one More because since you first wrote it 25 years ago the kids have grown into 200 Pound brutes and Treyve warned you one More column about their cuteness and there going to break every knuckle in both your typing this is the Day you want to come from Missouri or have a Home town like either of which permits you to do your Tongue Incheck piece about when is the rest of America going to Wise up and learn to pronounce your Hometown or state the joke such As it is that people born to these locales refer to their native soil As Missoura and Quinzy and Delight in the dumbness of strangers who pronounce them Missouric and i have just read such an it is by Calvin Trillin and it appears in his new with All which had me slapping my thigh and crying this Trillin is just about the funniest thing that Ever came out of Missouri until i came across the inevitable it corrected my it said i should be crying funniest thing that Ever came out of i didst take it to have my cries of Praise Cut off by this schoolmaster ish lecture on pronunciation seemed the height of in it left me with a thirst for but with no Way to exact if i were to write Trillin a note let me hear you pronounce Vir he would be bound to Telephone me and without the slightest pronunciation who is pronounced just the Way it for this reason i have never had the missourians luxury of filling space on an empty minded Day with sneers at people too dense to pronounce the source of my roots in Correct native Over the i have noticed a curious form of Pride among inhabitants of places that Are pronounced its not that these people resent the mispronunciation of but they seem to feel Superior for being part of a Small elite that knows the improbable but Correct pronunciation of their in for there is a Village spelled and few events give the Nantucket or a More alarming sense of having fallen among Savages than being among people who dont know that Siasconset is pronounced the same phenomenon appears in not too far from blissfully pronounceable in the Case of a town spelled though All civilized English speakers not Pedantic in matters obscure would naturally Call it any pronunciation other than Stan ton Marks the pronounced As a there Are some place of that appear simply unpronounceable after examination by the human such is new nobody likes a politician who cant pronounce the Home town name and touring politicians Are always Given pronunciation lessons before stumping in Kanea the advice to Robert Kennedy Call it Skinny that about i but do you want to rely on a Man who refuses to say and i do refuse to say trillions scolding my stubbornness Here probably goes Back Many years when i went around Miami saying somebody who claimed he knew the native speech said if you didst Call it Mamah the people there would think you were a Hick and girls go out with after an awful lot of girls refused to go out with one finally she was but late in the evening said she wanted to take me to meet her parents next time and hoped i would learn before then not to Call it Mia since the old who were might think i didst speak such hot i remember that every time some Trillin upbraid me for not saying for pretty much the same when in in England and visit the City of Ciren i cant bring myself to Call it no matter what advisers on British speech Tell c 1985 new York times Syndicate what were they serving on Fine China by James Kilpatrick a couple of weeks in a reckless i won dered aloud about linguistic what Are the Little irritations that in time grow to be big irritations some Early returns Are a gentlewoman in Baltimore is irked by fascination used As in i have a fascination for tropical she also resents the use of Mutual when com Mon is and she scorns real estate salesmen who say they Are Selling Homes when they truly Are Selling a gentleman in Chicago has a thing about proverbs As in mayor Koch is so furious at slumlords that he has ordered the proverbial Book thrown at whats a proverbial Book a third Reader sends a clipping from to in which a Book reviewer remarks that athletes of 40 years ago were no More admirable than some of today ath unless one believes that abusing alcohol is some How nobler than abusing that use of Abus he makes no from comes a nomination of arguably As the most disposable word of the if this Vogue word contributes to says my arguably i have missed three of you flinch at a redundant word from Moscow letting us know that when Chernenko soviet radio shifted to somber music about 4 this a Reader in Maryland objects to alternate when alternative is two of you have cited the misuse of flaunt for i have one nomination of irregardless As the most irksome if you have a favorite Gripe it to tangles and mangles from the Elmira Star Gazette comes an item about an actress named Goldberg the celebrity she has reaped from the Broadway show has been is a reaped celebrity a Cut up from a piece in new Day about mexican bureaucracy three or four return visits Are necessary before All the paper and stamp work mexi cans Are As partial to Stamps As a numismatist Are and philatelists Are partial to from a Story in the Mobile pres Register about a shortage of 2cent Stamps at local Post offices we have refurbished the Rhodes a headline and news Story in the Portland oregonian reports a minuscule turnout in a school Board the word is a we think of and we think of the prefix As in and so the preferred spelling is in the Canadian stamp news we learn about errors in printing philatelic stationery the patient collector can find numerous design maybe the associated press provides an interesting account of the parentage of Louisiana flamboyant Edwin Edwards the often criticized for his free Wheeling is the son of a cajun a former Navy fighter a former Nazarene preacher and a High stakes Las vegas c 1965 Universal press Syndicate think Irene bit jealous of poum Nukow of w Faith today crossword by Eugene Sheffer across 1 the works 4 to scandinavians 8 Eye Dolorer 12 caustic stuff 13 self entered 14 pleasant 15 Blooming 17 Pinnacle 18 playing locally 19 Detroit Union 21 utter 22 actually 26 jacket part 29 ship Timber 30 actress Ullmann 31 finished 32 hawaiian Hawks 33 kiss me 34 opposed 35 Complete 36 anteroom 87 a stitch 39 by Way of 40 Tomica 41 queued up 45 Melville character 48 when fresh 50 storm 51 villains look 52 conducted 53 ogled 54 simple 65 City trains Down let 2 Singer Loretta 3 departed 4 oath 5 tannish 6 deceit 7 utterly destroyed 8 reverent 9 shred solution time 26 Hue huh se3h k huhs shoe hush Hess ohs i 53 to yesterdays 10 rink 11 gender 16 also ran 20 some 23 do in 24 locale 25 at some time 26 sets of Points 27 bards River 28 locked up 29 turf 32 banished 33 aussie mammal aussie Bird fancy ornamentation not up 39 clamps 42 43 Coward 44 football players 45 aeon 46 Alfalfa 47 Stout 49 teachers 12 15 31 3t 27 45 50 46 28 47 16 21 38 13 35 48 51 29 49 19 22 39 41 20 36 14 17 33 23 30 42 55 10 43 to 44 53 Hubert i cant make tout i think it 5av5 Hanow Penns cow d
