European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 30, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 14 the stars and stripes May 1985 the Pitfalls of White Collar crime by Art Buchwald As part of the Justice departments unending War against corporate a new facility has just been built to Deal with serious i was taken on a tour by an assistant attorney general for corporate who was quite proud of the he took me into the receiving area which turned out to be a beautifully furnished lobby with leather chairs and couches and a to this is where we ask the defendants to wait while we arc negotiating a plea bargaining session with their Law its Nice of you to provide a waiting room for just because a Man has committed a corporate crime is no reason Why he cant be How Long do you keep him in the pen it if the Guy wants to plead guilty and go along with the Justice departments recommendations on Well let him out in a couple of but if Hes going to play hardball and try to get off Well keep him in Here until he misses his Busi Ness i had heard your corporate criminal division was but i never thought youd make someone miss a business All the leather chairs were is that Man in the pinstriped suit Over there a White Collar criminal he that his the other fellow in a pinstriped suit is the the toughest thing about prosecuting corporate crime is you cant Tell the defendants from the my guide pointed Over to a Large sign on the that our rate card for each White Collar we put it up there so the defendants can study it while waiting to see a Justice department the rates seem very i we try to keep them Low so we dont have to go to he its to our advantage to Settle out of court and save the taxpayer what did that Guy Reading the Wall Street journal Over there do Hes a contractor and we have 540 counts against him for overcharging the defense department Mil lion for missile he Doest seem very he better were going to Fine his company will he pay it he will if he Doest want a drawn out trial with a lot of we dont fool around so lets say he agrees to pay the then what happens my guide led me into a quiet carpeted after the defendant agrees to plead guilty and pay Fine we bring him in Here and make him swear on this Bible that he will never do it do what again commit a corporate and that it not by a Long he Over Here is where the real punishment is meted you see this wooden Block every person who pleads guilty has to put his hand on the then the attorney general or one of the assistants slaps him on the is it painful put your hand up Here and find out for i did and he slapped my wrist As hard As he did it Hurt he asked i thought about it for a moment and then said c los Angeles times Syndicate putting the fun into today Banks by Russell Baker going to the Bank nowadays is More fun than it used to for one you never know whether the Bank will run out of Money before you get never a Dull that the motto of my which is the first High rollers Gogo nation Al As the name its a relaxed Bank staffed by relaxed i liked it the first time i glanced in and saw the vice president in charge of investments Reading the racing so i walked right introduced myself and asked to open an the Teller How much and i fifty and he every Little bit but next time wed appreciate it if you could bring a couple of Hundred thousand As we could get into a really big Deal in swamp real estate if we had a Little a Little Here was my kind of Bank at a Bank where the tellers called it until then i had known Only Stuffy the kind of Banks that called it those Banks had terrorized me All my you had to get a Bath and dress up before they let you my first Bank was like my Mother took me to open a savings account with a Deposit of 10 cents Banks took 10 cents seriously in those but she let me go until id bathed and put on my sunday Banks were no fun in those sure now and then John Dillinger came in with pistols for stick but he always ran right out again and drove away so you really boast that youd met its different say you go to the Bank to Settle a bet with a Hes betting the Bank has lost All your Money on swamp real estate that got swallowed by and youre betting that a vast corporation bilking billions from the Pentagon is pouring those bilked billions into your so you go to the Bank to Settle the ahead of you in line is a character who obviously intends to occupy the Teller for the next six hours be cause he is carrying bags containing several million dollars in Bills of Small and since its a fun Bank where you dont have to Bathe to get you say to this How about letting me step ahead of As i merely want to see if Treyve lost my 50 you know what he says he try to get ahead of me and ill blow your Kneecaps Why does he say this because he is a member of the mafia and has come to the Bank with his weekly Load of Cash which the being a fun ships to Switzer land for unlike John who came and went before you could get to know this fellow will be there for the next six have you Ever tried to count million in Bills go ahead and try to strike up a Little Good theres More to life than a couple of knee now suppose the fun gets too intense and the papers it looks like the Bank is going and taking your Money with stay the government will not let your Bank that would be catastrophic to Public it would make people think that Bankers be trusted to go to Atlantic City without losing everybody shirt but their the government will step in if the fun gets too just As it stepped in when Hutton started edging out of the Stockman Bonds Racket and into Bank a of us who like fun at the Bank will miss the Hutton they didst look much like John Dillinger or the mafia Man with Cash for the Bank to ship to and that was their How amusing to see Bank robbers in three piece c 1985 new York times Syndicate Tiff tax Mettr my lotto Naif it with of Call Pfanz of Keks Why harped today crossword by Eugene Sheffer 530 con 1 be definite 5 Stephen 9 part 12 woe is 13 14 cuban Highway with vim 15 Beer Mug altar 17 undoing 18 actress 19 Beth neighbor 22 locker poster 24 responsibility 27 Wager 28 hallo Ween Wear 31 Cigar remnant 32 Superb serve 33 Bucks mate Iansiti Raili atm a Bah Lis hg3hs Saraa chef films Hub he Ipoh an i huh so Hessaa she a Hub 0hhs has Shiffl 530 to yesterdays Hubert 9hammett Sleuth 10 Arrow Poison 11 wild cat 16 vast expanse 20 Tot up 22 pie nut 23 article 24 Block up 25 exploit 26charteris Sleuth 27 uncovered 29 offspring 30 solution 35 relatives 37 Frisbee Cousin 39 lighted anew 40 Golf goal 41 Bridge 42 Sharpen 43 sugar source 44 no traffic 45 aft 46 heraldry Wreath 49 period 50 cooking pan spent pee 3 hours inthe Beauty c it Kent fun turn world re Gilt what a Eusie get vat upon just ignored a Mother
