European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - June 12, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The stars and stripes june 1985 columns mental anaesthetists plague the planet by Russell Baker when president Reagan finishes tax simplification he ought to have a crack at phone the Tele phone Bill has gotten More complicated than form and if you want a new phone installed these Days your Best bet is to retain a lawyer and an i recently had an Engineer to and so was Able to get the old phones rewired with newfangled now the wires can be disconnected when Ever i there is something to be said for being Able to take out All the phones and Park them on the far Side of town Over the but the gain int adequate compensation for what has been lost since Mabell was for one there is already too much incomprehensibility being generated these the tax about which politicians have suddenly and mystifying by be come solicitous after years of is Only a symptom of our Ages growing tendency to crush the spirit with unintelligible far worse is the television babble that now passes for political discourse in presidential worse than that any document issued by any of the United states thousands of Gigantic and the complexity of the Pentagon budget is such that even the people spending the Money dont know what its All anyone who has come face to face with the weird operations of the new York department of motor vehicles in Manhattan knows How it feels to be trapped on a planet where reason is politicians like when Cut off from their speak a Tongue that is utterly disconnected from the it is no wonder that the mass of Ameri cans prefer to shut the door on the outside let governments do whatever they Are and fix the eyeballs on the picture screen in the who has the time and Energy to study the arms Limi tation especially since experts assure the rest of us that the talks can be understood Only by experts int it strange that people cannot get interested in matters of life and death because the details arc too mystifying to be grasped by most of the people whose lives and deaths Are the subject under negotiation we Are being mentally anaesthetized by spreading mystify the incomprehensible Telephone Bill is another illustration of How things that once were simple inevitably Nowa Days become so Complex that they can be understood Only with the Aid of lawyers and one result of this is the increasing amount the customer now does for the seller of goods and thus restaurants of moderate Quality have done away with the salad chef by requiring their patrons to Rise from the go to salad bars and make their fast food restaurants make their customers work As their own waiters and Harangue them with signs to do the Busboy Job of cleaning up after at least there is an Economy Price for the fast food customers working As both waiter and per haps there for motorists pumping their own at self service gasoline outlets but the customer who re members that in the Era of 30cent Gas it was the not the who got out and got dirty cant help thinking that the old business slogan the Cus Tomer is always right has now the Cus Tomer what a sap the Telephone business has gone the same route the customer does the the company punches the Cash added to the income which reminds you that you Are a Legal idiot and to modern political Campaign which remind you that you deserve to be treated like a Moron and to the arms limitation which remind you that youre too stupid to know How to save your whole family from being blown to kingdom come added to All and lots there is now a new communications business to remind you that you Are too dumb to install Telephone As William Saroyan said on his what next exorcising the tobacco demons by Art Buchwald when someone gives up smoking he or she wants the whole world to hear about i know you we rent ready for dear but i have Given up i am a born again nonsmoker a confessed sinner who can now walk into any crowded room without stink ing up the dont go 1 want to Tell you the Story of my it Doest do any Good to Stop smoking if no one will listen to How you did i have to give credit where credit is i  have done it i got some help from that big nonsmoker in the it All began six months ago after lighting up one of the six or seven cigars i smoked every i suddenly heard loud coughing in the then a thundering voice put out that dam Ned 1 didst pay any attention because 1 was sure he want talking to after 1 had been smoking for Over 40 years and he never raised any objections so 1 continued for another then my Chest started to feel Lousy and i became 1 looked up and said whats going on the voice came Down and i thought 1 made myself what kind of message do 1 have to Send you 1 in willing to lets just say i Cut Down to two or three a Day he would have none of the number is How about one Petit Corona after dinner dont you understand English the voice to make his Point he shoved a hot Coal Down my Throat and i started to gasp for he was responsible for my but he didst give me that much help once i gave it after 1 went cold Turkey i had to face the Prospect of earning a i could smoke a Cigar without but i  write without smoking a in the begin Ning i just stared at the to get going 1 tried typing exercises such As now is the time for All Good men for All Good men for All Good men for All Good men to Light up a Monte Cristo Havana my mind would work in curious i would want to write about the my missile and the Only thing that came out was puff the magic the song smoke gets in your eyes droned in my and the Marlboro Man kept Riding across my computer in i looked up to the heavens and How Long do you expect me to keep this up the voice came try chewing i was but the first time i shoved a stick of gum in my Mouth it i found out if you have to keep moving your jaws All the you dont miss having a wet Stogie Between your its been All Uphill since after my decompression period i discovered the Beautiful world of my lungs Are now getting All the oxygen they so richly deserve and my brain cells seem to be relieved they dont have to absorb soot from morning until what is even better is i am now a member of that band of Brothers and Sisters who can walk into a restaurant or get on an air plane and say loudly to the no smoking please i have to admit that like All born again nonsmokers i look Down on those who Are still i dont get angry with them but i do something i bore 1 Tell them my Story from beginning to end How i was once a Sev Naday Dunhill but through the intervention of a higher spirit became a six pack double mint gum then i warn them that we have a Mission to either convert All or persecute them until we drive the tobacco demons from their Angeles times youth of Bimbo today crossword by Eugene Sheffer across 1 Camp Couch 4 Maple Genus 8 nest of pheasants 41 Palm cockatoo 43 simple 44 Ninny 46 useful 50 without value 12 Legal 55 trumpets 13 Buddhist Kin dialect 14 Ireland 15 potato Chip breaker 16 of great value 118 trite 20 56 Hodge podge 57 Indian 58 Saturn wife 59 close 60 compact masses 61 society areas Page word 17 sea Bird 21 Comfort solution time 24 24 inventor of dynamite 28 courageous 32 Blue or White Down 1 scoundrels 2 last writes 3 bark cloth 4 entreaties 5 Auto 6 Yale Man 7 Staple food 8 British Admiral 9 Wrath 10 prefix for Arm or Able 11 print units a shh a Bah of flu  ghz High 33 Beard 34 Sandal part 36 Childs game 37 Cotton fabric 39 without Refuge Gohs Tehho hhi1  612 to yesterdays Puzzle 19 Irish sea god 22 son of Adam 23 biblical name 25 Small snack 26 Anagram for Seal 27 supports 28 White House pet 29 Pitcher 30 Karenina 31 identical 35 reads 38 Soapbox perhaps 40 permit 42 tree 45 sluggish 47 sacred image 48 go at an easy gait 49 gaelic 50 came in first 51 Corrida cheer 52 Creek 53 Airport 54 Square of turf s 18 28 50 56 29 51 30 52 19 21 38 44 13 16 34 42 22 39 45 960 23 43 53 20 31 54 17 14 24 35 46 32 40 25 36 47 55 58 61 10 26 48 11 27 49 612 know 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