European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 7, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 18 the stars and stripes August 1985 columns big and ifs of goods while Art Linch wild is on vacation we reprint some columns from he anyone who has had to Deal with Large companies is aware that they arc paying their Bills later and this is no the longer they can defer paying the More Money they can keep in their Bank accruing it is known As the there is an Art to not paying someone when the Bill is and it is getting More sophisticated As time goes in universities arc now offering masters degrees in Check stalling for students who want to be comp trollers and i attended a graduate class the other Day at one of our leading business schools and watched in Awe As a professor conducted a course entitled stalling con tractors and individuals i All the professor opened up his last week we discussed what to say to an irate person who Calls up your company and wants to know where his or her Check lets review Stevens picked up the White phone on the professors and Joseph picked up the one in the Back of the Stevens spoke this is David and i want to know Why i Haven received a Check for the work i did for your ill look into Joseph you the professor you wont look into you will find someone else to look into you dont want to make friends with or hell know whom to Call about the Check next you could Sec Joseph was Well look into in sure its been sent where can we reach you Stevens gave his number and Hung All the professor its two weeks Joseph Hast called you Call him where the hell is my Check it was due months Stevens Joseph i told the accounting department about it should have been sent the Day after you spoke to the professor nodded his Stevens but i didst get it the mails Are terrible these let me get Back to let me speak to the Joseph looked blankly at the what am i supposed to do now the professor give the phone to Stevens Doest know who the comptroller Joseph handed the phone to said i have to pay my i have to pay Rny when in late you people charge me a 1 percent Why cant you pay me Radcliffe Ive been checking the there was a clerical error somewhere in the and we should have it straightened out in a couple of you should get a Check from us As soon As our who is now in Stevens played his part to the if i dont get my Check in the mail in going to sue you peo ple said you want the Legal if youll just hold on ill Transfer excellent the professor you Learned last weeks lesson today we will discuss How to blame the for late after using All of the usual human excuses for nonpayment of your next step is to involve the its what we Call in the Check stalling business the final c 1985 los Angeles times Syndicate cheap shows on fifth Avenue by Russell Baker theres a mens shop on new Yorks fifth Avenue that wont let you in unless you have an it employs a Doorman to keep people the newspaper in which i read about this shop said it is famous for its stupendously High the paper cited some Sample prices for suits and Only people who give Roll royces for Christmas can read these prices without feeling so to protect the infirm from Keeling Over i will not reprint the figures liven a Man who has come a Long Way with Little More than a bottle of spot remover and a can of shoe fainted dead away immediately upon learning that its possible to hand Over your entire estate and get Back nothing but a few buttons and the plucking off a after being i had warm second thoughts about this particular hiring a Doorman to keep people out is really a decent thing for a High markup merchant to shops like this thrive on customers neurotic fear that Sale clerks will think they Are either poor or i heard about a successful actor not Long ago going into a fancy Delicatessen in shabby work clothes and a today whisker he wanted to snack on a Little Stur How much is the Sturgeon he asked the coun who obviously didst recognize him and just As obviously thought he was an impecunious Twenty dollars a snorted the Counterman As Only a new yorker can snort at an overreaching ill take a Hundred cried the half mad with the need to let the Counterman know he want too poor to pay through the 1 didst hear How he got All that fish Back to his he probably sent pounds to a Home for old actors and claimed it As a charitable deduction after regaining his As this Story a great Many shops simply dont want their aisles cluttered with people who recoil at extortionate but How do you keep the inexperienced shopper out of your place of business the most civilized Way is to Post a Doorman who do you have an appointment this tells you in the Nick of time what kind of store you almost got yourself being a very inferior i was baffled the first few times As some of the most outrageously priced boutiques of fifth Avenue tried to insult my first thought was that they were trying to entertain me with humor though it seemed crude to was probably All the rage in their native so i faked a Hearty laugh at remarks if youd use the same polish on your shoes that you use on your you might not be such an friends skilled at shopping explained matters to naturally i Felt terrible it was painful remembering All those boutique Sale clerks who were under the impression that i wore a shiny old suit because i  afford a new i decided to go Back to each find the clerk who had insulted me and explain that while i could easily afford a new i preferred to go on wearing the old shiny one since i didst mind being caught in the rain in a suit like which saved me from the nuisance of having to carry an my friends skilled at shopping urged me not to do the salespeople who insulted me were not Worth worrying they what does it a Beautiful woman that a few poorly paid Sale clerks know that you Haven much scratch and Are a cheapskate to Boot her Point was absolutely in Case any of those people who insulted me happen to be read ing i want them to know that i can afford 100 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