European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 19, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 18 the stars and stripes August 1985 columns the Fine Art of looking up folks by Russell Baker the first time i went to George told me to up a let us Call him lord when you get Down around the nip Over to the Castle and look up lord George i did for i was very Young then and totally inexperienced in looking up this was because i had never travelled to any of the places inhabited by people Worth looking now and then i might travel from Southwest Baltimore to Ellicott but news that i was planning such a trip never stirred the worlds Georges who invariably want you to look people Ellicott cd George would dismissing me from further consideration so he could focus on Bill or who were always travelling to romantic when you get to he once told nip up to Florence and look up Bernard Berenson for Leo once got into a tight spot in Moscow during the Stalin Era for looking up a Remote Cousin of Georges named Stalin is said to have halted the execution himself on grounds that anyone dense enough to go to the police for directions on How to find Leon Trotsky was probably the Mere butt of some joke played by a certain american Buffoon according to his i doubt this because George never plays the people he wants looked up Are people he knows at has Elizabeth for an Uncle of Georges in the film Industry once bribed a Union Leader to get George a summer Job As a caterers aide during the shooting of an Elizabeth Taylor one George served miss Taylor a cup of thank miss Taylor Twentyfive years later George told when you get out to nip Down to Hollywood and look up my old Friend Liz but Back to lord flutter those Many years i finally got Down around the cotswolds remembering Georges nipped Over to the Castle to look up lord he was As Only the English can be so you Are looking me arc you we stood there in Long it was in lord flutters he was watering the he obviously knew nothing about because his were being Over watered to he finally interrupted the silence to How Long will it take will what take looking me he How Long will it take to look me up it was Georges i realizing that lord flutter did not like being looked i yielded to a Craven urge to shift the later the police explained that lord unfamiliar with the american habit of looking people thought that i was either a a or a Bounder who had come to seduce his after As the Constable his lordship had called off the dogs before they could Maul me beyond surgical haunt he i did not press with his English neither did lord i can laugh now that i am Rich and with a touch of distinguished Gray at the temples and a private Humidor that is the envy of belted Earls and Royal but the experience left a psychic after the lord flutter naturally i was never Able to look up anybody it became a famous Case for they diagnose a disgusting timid Ity that left me powerless to intrude on the privacy of persons who had no desire to meet a thundering in a my inactivity was As Jenner declared when they hauled me before the com Mittee but As who could sometimes be pointed out in my its a waste of time rooting put americas party Poppers until we get rid of All the a person with my problem is no More at ease when being looked up than when he is looking up the Crux of the you is fear of being recognized by strangers As the worlds most tire some when you Are famous and with an enviable the world mistakes such fear for snob Winston Churchill once lib eled me by telling Queen go ahead if you and look him up when you get to but you Are inviting a snub from an insufferable the Queens note said dear i am so sorry that i shall be unable to look up your Friend this c new York times cant Tell a smut Book by its cover by Art Buchwald while Buchwald is on vacation we Are reprinting some of his columns from the there was a time when the Only Way you could get a pornographic Book was to smuggle it in from in recent years the paperback Book Industry in the United states has been outdoing anything you could bring in from i feel everyone has a right to make a Dollar under our free Enterprise system and if people want to buy pornographic literature that is their what 1 object to is the publishers making no pornographic books pornographic by putting Hal naked women on the covers of Good books and printing descriptions of the contents which give an entirely different idea of the if the trend Here is How our paperback publishers will soon describe some books familiar to All of us Snow White and the dwarfs the Story of a ravishing blonde Virgin who was held captive by seven deformed All with different Alice in wonderland a Young girls search for happiness in a depraved world of animal can she Ever return to a Normal Happy life after falling so far Huckleberry finn a wild youth runs away from his Home to help a negro slave escape from the ravishing miss Little women four Wise beyond their Are caught up in the throbbing tumult of the civil read what happens to them when a Rich old gentleman and his greedy grandson take rooms As boarders in a House without Tom Browns schooldays for the first time we look beyond the locked doors of an English boarding school to reveal the truth about a life that no one talks about and Only a few will treasure Island the Crew of a ship Bent on rape and plunder lands on an Island inhabited by sex crazed an innocent boy finds out the secret of grow ing Little red Riding Hood a girl goes to visit her grandmother Only to discover a Wolf in her read what happens when the girl refuses to get into bed with the Tom Sawyer a gang of sub teenage hoodlums paint the town White and commit mayhem and murder to satisfy their Heidi a Young lady caught up in the wild life of Switzerland fights for Babar the elephant life in the and so it As for the ill have to leave that up to the i hate to think what the paperback artists will do with wind in the c los Angeles times to thank Stan Fork Mizing the moonli6ht with mama  Stan ski to Demy from 9oo to Kan Honey hosting a Roun Tabie on ethics ofdru6 of the main those bks Quant twins from on Tkatz How they beat ass a at today crossword by Eugene Sheffer across 1 treasure Hunters need 4 mimic 7 Flatfish 11 Spring Flower 13 encore 14 level 15 plucky 16 17 credit or Union 18 not taut 20 Leanders love 22 crude Metal 24 one of seven 28 scalloped at the margin 32 old saw 33 he played Shane 34 Linkletter 36 Birds stomach 37 priestly vestment 39 reaps 41 poignancy 43 Kentucky Bluegrass 44 european capital 46 Legate 50 slightly open 63 i camera 55 Porter who carried a tune 56 Ballet skirt 57 suburb of London 58 Singer Fitz Gerald 59 Pulpy fruit 60 sea Eagle 61 Hammer site to yesterdays Puzzle Down 1 russian planes 2 Inland sea 3 egyptian Cotton 4 lawyers 5 Gist 6 Kefauver 7 Robert Mitchum film 8 to Caesar 9 Irish sea god 10 goal solution time 22 12 Fred Astaire film 19 malay isthmus 21 Maori Root pit 23 Airport 25 Challenge 26 temples sex 27 Ever greens 28 applaud 29 incarnation of Vishnu 30 alter the manuscript 31 work unit 35 faucet 38 Dawn goddess 40 the Mark conform 42 quench 45 of an Ephah 47 rodent 48 spicy Stew 49 my fax 50 one time 51 project sharply 819 b2 nosed 54 Barley Beard 28 33 4 29 51 30 22 44 19 38 53 57 13 16 Isi 20 23 34 42 31 39 45 24 35 43 21 32 40 46 14 17 36 55 25 47 61 26 48 10 27 49 819 Hubert turn that we Pony communicate we do anymore Pont we