European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 31, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 10 the stars and stripes August 1985 columns comments William Buckley armed services policing themselves on overcharges the Navy department has announced that the general dynamics is no longer in last Navy Secretary John Lehman suspended Ger neral dynamics from further work for the Navy in response to revelations of smelly episodes that included turning Over to the Navy Bills to pay for Public lobby ing in one celebrated Kennel fees for a it is the finding of the at this that where general dynamics clearly restitution is being made that where there was Ambi there will be a code of ethics adopted on the basis of which government costs and contractors costs will be strictly that by the is not As Clear the line that tells us where the Equator do you consider it a legitimate Cost of developing a submarine the Money you paid a lobbyist to demonstrate your submarines advantages to the admirals who make the final decision not so that is it but there is no question that great de posits of indignation have accumulated Over the hilarious charges tracked charges made by some defense contractors for apparently simple and who is going to doubt the venality of some businessmen not any informed capitalist i know of it was Adam so to speak the father of who observed that no group of businessmen Ever met except to devise Means of restraining the Only generality a believer in capitalism would resist is that the incidence of venal Ity among businessmen tends to exceed the incidence of venality among poli which brings us to the question what is it that some politicians Are up to in Yelling and screaming about the Melo dramatic charges Economy saving the taxpayers unnecessary expenses we All know in detail about the Ellen Goodman tv4e mating season claw the toilet seat the the Coffee concerning a few observations it has been investigators of the de sense department who have uncovered most of these unsavoury episodes not congressional or agents of the government accounting while not excusing the it is reassuring to know that the armed serv which have been the objects of so much Are policing their own activities and bringing Public attention to their own upon discovery of clearly indefensible expenses the it is characteristic that counterclaims Are and where the blame is clearly attributable to the restitution is the Navy was repaid the ridiculous Cost of the ridiculous last year the defense department didst order a single but More than they Cost about seven Bucks sometimes the Story gets More comply when you look into the toilet seat cover want the kind of thing thee and i it was a heavy folded plastic cover usable for the entire toilet system of a p3 the toilet seats themselves Cost Only the for the e2c but investigation reveals that some automobile ashtrays Cost even though manufactured in great Quan Grumman had to make the custom made ashtrays and was in fact losing Money on the attempting to make its own ashtrays in its own was paying for and then the famous Coffee maker for it was designed for a c5 that carries up to 365 Delta and Twa buy similar Coffee makers for exit a horror Story a Wise observer of the whole scene comments that in the Zeal to Clamp Down on excessive what is paradoxically happening is that costs Are the reason for this is the paperwork the in All the constraints that continue to add to the Cost of doing a perfect Bill that scrutinizes the Cost of every screwdriver is going to add greatly to the Cost of that there Are people around who hate expensive Navy hammers not because they mind the expensive but because they mind the their perfect world would be one in which defense hammers Cost be cause the armed services dont need Ham the armed services having become historical with perhaps a truck or two left Over to escort our leaders to a c 1985 Universal press Syndicate army among equal rites award winners each in deference to my historic fore Moth 1 have celebrated the anniversary of the passage of women by recognizing those who have done the most in the past 12 months to slow the Progress of As always the equal rites awards stir up a great Deal of competitive Fervour among those who have their favorite and this year our on woman jury received entries from around the it was with great difficulty that we winnowed Down the but enough of All the the misanthropic Man of the year award which has often for reasons of to the president of the United this year must go to the attorney Edwin Mcnese Meese and All the Little jus Tice department mice spend much time nibbling away at women now they Are trying to devour affirmative action in to him we mail a Complete allotment but not a of flashing Neon letters that spell to remind him that he is supposed to defend not attack under the John Riggins will have to Settle for second Best the male chauvinist pigskin the football found himself seated at a Washington dinner table with supreme court Justice Sandra Day not sober As a judge Riggins uttered a rousing cheer loosen Sandy youre too the pigskin prize is being made out of Riggins the bund Justice always a Clif hang is being shared this year by two one of them is West Virginias supreme court chief Justice Rich Ard who fired his Secretary because she objected to babysitting for his 4yearold who is no longer chief but still a defended his right to order staff to babysit and collect to we Send a Friend of the court Brief How to set up a daycare Center at the other award goes to senior common pleas judge Quint Salmon of who dismissed rape charges against a Man because the 13yearold girl he was accused of attacking arrived late at the to him we Send a watch that reads times they Are lest you think the Legal profession has walked away with the one the raging hormonal imbalance goes to a British Vernon Coleman recently suggested that female nurses Wear Short Black stockings and Garter belts to help their male patients get better to Coleman we Send a prescription for the treatment of testosterone poisoning in Hopes that he will get Well a special nod goes to the House of Eor their Brave stand against we award them the Blue badge of this year they voted to ban funds for a braille edition of Playboy the braille subscribers Are the Only readers to the Best of our read Playboy left to right rather than top to this badge bears a raised h for the has had its own prurient in Terest this they win the make War not love prize for their ruling against coed nuclear missile the Pentagon feared that the thoughts of a Man and a woman at the strategic air come would stray from destruction to we were going to Send the missile base a Gold plated phallic it seemed since there is peace in the Battle of the sexes award goes to where a woman accused her Lover of negligence when she got she won a out court settlement fron his homeowners the prize is a Complete Wlsh a sexual disease assorted and one Booklet on How to update your automobile the whistle while you work for less prize could belong to so but the vote of 10 was unanimous in awarding it to Clarence Pendleton chair of the civil rights and major supporter of pay it was Pendleton who called comparable Worth probably the loonies idea since Looney tunes came on the the Worth of the incomparable by the is per working the whistle comes with perfect right winged meanwhile Back at the army the designer genes prize goes to the commanders who want their soldiers to walk in the army banned umbrellas for males in it they a question of this prize is a Waterproof shirt that reads real men Are All in previous the string for gratuitous sex has been delivered to the television networks that strut stuff before the this All three networks took the what did they do ban the jiggles they rejected a Public service and by an american College of obstetricians and gynaecologists on it was too the Post feminist follies prize goes to Cole the people who brought us the cabbage Patch this they Are beefing up their line with the Man whose intellect dwells in his this is not what we envisioned when we talked about the Day when boys too would be playing with c 1985 Washington Post writers group