European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - February 3, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 18 the stars and stripes monday february 3,1986 of the subterfuge of Academe by Russell Baker 1 visited a great University and met Harold who a a Brilliant student of science. Later in life Harold will make a scientific breakthrough. It will make possible a fantastic new weapon the nature of which is now unforeseeable. When the new weapon is built it will be so awesome yet so indescribable that it will be called simply the new  Harold will then become famous As the father of the new  almost fanatical Devotion to his test lubes however will Ukia dreadful toll upon Harold s health at the great University i met a Bright Young medical student named Nicholas. He seemed depressed. Later in life be said he would become doctor to the father of the new weapon who would ask him to treat a dreadful toll taken by almost fanatical Devotion to test tubes. Bui surely i said to Young Nicholas there is no such disease As dreadful toll taken by almost fanatical Devotion to test tubes. Nicholas said he would believe that too when Harold came in for treatment. Therefore he said he would be Content to remove Harold s obviously inflamed appendix. With this the Bright Young medical student walked off leaving me befuddled. Fortunately unfed Dement awaited at the Law school where i met a dynamic Young Law student named Ollie. It was no wonder Nicholas was Down in the Mouth Ollie Laid. He Ollie at some time in the future would sue Nicho Las for malpractice on the ground that removing Harold s appendix was not the Way to treat a dreadful toll taken by almost fanatical Devotion to test tubes. I naturally assumed that Nicholas was depressed be cause losing the malpractice suit to Harold would bankrupt him but at he business school they scoffed at the thought. There the Dean introduced me to a far seeing insurance student named Bert later in life Bert will invent the malpractice insurance waiver clause. This ingenious financial Advance for both Medicine and Law will work Ai follows before treatment patients will be asked if they want to take the malpractice insurance just As car renters nowadays Are asked if they want to take the insurance. If they say yes they must pay the Premium. By the time Ollic s Briu baht insurance idea is put in place Over the dead body of the entire insurance lobby malpractice premiums wifi be so expensive Thaud Bat the richest patients will waive the right to sue. I wondered if becoming the father of the new weapon would make Harold Rich enough to take the malpractice insurance before letting Nicholas treat  answer is no. Harold has so much inherited wealth that he can afford insurance galore even including futo collision insurance without a deductible. But if Harold will pay for his own malpractice award Why should Nicholas be depressed about someday losing a suit to Ollie i found the answer in the school of politics government and cunning International strategy where i met a Brilliant student named Franz. Franz n wildly in love with Elvira president of the italia Philiaus a Campus club devoted to celebrating All things italian. Elvira however ignores Franz and will continue to do so throughout his Brilliant future even when As master of cunning International strategy he will become a fixture at the while  told me he win become increasingly bitter because Elvira will always adore Nicholas not Only because she fancies doctors but also because Nicholas strikes her As a More italian name than Franz. I was baffled until i met a mediocre English major named Erwin. Later in life Erwin will sit on the jury that hears Ollie argue Harold s malpractice Case against Nicholas. Franz will Tell the jury that Nicholas under the seductive Power of the italian Hole Elvira betrayed his doctor s oath and deliberately treated Harold for inflamed appendix instead of dreadful toll. Why because by the time Harold goes to Nicholas for treatment he will be persuaded by Franz master of Cun Ning International strategy that world Security demands using the new weapon against Italy. And you win believe that i asked Erwin. " Whall be the difference Erwin said. Let the insurance company come across but what about the dreadful damage that will be done to Nicholas s reputation i m just an English major Erwin Laid. For that ques Tion youth have logo Back to Ollie in the Law  searching far Osbe i met the president of the great University and asked if he found it discouraging to educate the Young. He said it was probably better than having them hang out on Street Corners. B nor York Tim 3 major contributors to oops file by James j. Kilpatrick some months ago in a feeble Effort to get some order out of a chaos of clippings i created a tile called the  after an hour of poring Over a Hundred horrid exam Ples in the pile i venture this conclusion the errors that amuse amaze or Appal us Are the products of. Three lamentable shortcomings ignorance carelessness and negligence. Consider a letter to the editor of new Day. The Indig Nant correspondent was complaining about politicians. Their purpose in life be said is not to serve the Public but to perpetrate one s self in Public  maybe a few Long Island politicians Are perpetrators i would t know about that but that was t the word the gentleman wanted. He wanted  United press International reported in september that Purdue scientists have achieved a Clear look at the Structure of the virus that causes common colds. The discovery might help fight polio hepatitis a and fool in Mouth disease which attacks  nope. Foot. In Mouth disease attacks Public figures such As Donald Regan the president s chief of staff who last year implied that women Are dumb bunnies when it comes to unclear arms. The awful cattle disease is foot and Routh disease or More often Hoof and month Dis ease. V la new Day a reporter covered the trial of a Man accused of murdering an Oil terminal employee during a robbery. A witness told detectives he has seen dumb dumb bullets in the pistol but a ballistics teat proved that the fatal Bullet bras not a dumb dumb  alas something was dumb dumb Here for toe word is dumdum named for a 19th Century Arsenal near Cal Cutta where that Type of Bullet was first made. A newsletter of the Alabama state retirement sys tem red parents to get mad about deficiencies in Public education the terrible dragon of ignorance should be slayed we All can subscribe to that Sterling sentiment but please sir that verb is slay slew slain. Very weft. These were items for the oops  the fellow who wrote about politicians perpetrating them selves May have fallen into a Malaprop ism out of Igno Rance. The reference to foot in Mouth disease was a careless error. The reporter who spoke of dumb dumb Bullet was negligent. A 15-second look at the diction when in doubt about the spelling or mean Umof a Ord look it up and cultivate a Strong sense of doubt. In Rulf no woe eoe inc uhf huf Ink. Of of -1- " bi5"- r it of Imp  today s crossword acboss1 _ Nana of tv4notttal 7brazirneighbor. Abbr. 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