European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 14, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18to --,-.it"jp,.-Colunruv the stars and stripes wednesday May 14, 1986 wanted Gadget to end All gadgets ,. A. By Andy Rooney Don l Wirtl any or you who think m successful la think hint Success has gone id my head but i want to Behonest with you. I just had air automatic garage door opener Don t have a swimming Pool a satellite dish or even a microwave oven Feu now i can push a Button or n hand held device in the Glove compartment of my car and the garage door goes question we All have to ask ourselves when we spend Good Money on something lilt this is whether it s genuine convenience Worth the Money. T justify buying one this Way with the possible exception of occasionally driving 56 Miles an hour i m a Law abiding citizen. Siil Cen slates including mine have mandatory Seal Bell Laws if a Law abiding citizen drives his car into his driveway in the. Pouring rain in one of theses tales and does t have an automatic garage door opener he has to unbuckle his seat Bell go out into the rain lean Over to grab he garage door handle while the rain off the roof gets his Back All wet and lift. He Hen has to Lunback la the car gel in fasten his Seal Belt and move the ear 20 feet into the garage. There Are probably people who do not fasten i hair scat belts to move the car into the garage after opening the door but if there s Ever a stale trooper hiding behind Abush in i hair driveway they la regret i. I did t mind opening the door but i hated fastening my scat Belt Forth Atilio a ride. The other reason i got the garage door opener is i Lazy. Now thai i be had it for a week i realize there awesome Good things and some bad things about garage door opener. A Button by the Light near the door that Lead from the garage through an open area to the Kitchen also opens and closes the garage door. When you enter in garage from the House you push the Button and the door goes up. You climb in the car pull it out and then wit the Gadget in the Glove compartment you close the door without leaving the car. This All sounds rite but Here Are a few thing they Len l Lake into consideration. When i go out through the garage i Don t always go into the car. Sometimes i Gioimo the Yard thai Way or maybe i want to take the garbage out and not come Back in. I can open the walk out but if i m not in the car have no Handy Way of close the door i must release a lock mechanism and pull the door Down by hand. Just like my Back Ward out of Date neighbors who Are so old fashioned Theydon t even have an automatic garage door opener. One of the sad farts of life is nothing helps. No Gadget makes life easy. Over the years i be bought every time saving device known to Man and i be never saved a Sec. Orid. Offices All have computers that Are supposed to make the work easier but hey Don l. Computers add to the work. They do a lot of it that does t have to be done. It so easy thai instead of issuing 10 reports a month and making 17 copies of each report the Boss no puts out 23reports and wants 1,000 copies of each. Computers and their printers have created a snowstorm of paper. Office that used to make do with Wasle baskets need compactors to handles ii the paper they throw out every Day. When we bought our last television set six years ago i came with an automatic switcher. I can change the Chan Nel without Ever leaving my chair. This seemed like wonderful convenience at rim but it turns out that i waste More time than Ever switching from one program loan other none of which i want o Seel when i had to get out of my chair to switch i did t change channels turned the to off. Now i m having second thoughts Abou t he garage door opener. Last saturday i sent out four Lima to gel some thing i did t need just so i could open and close the garage door automatically. What 1 need most is something that would keep me from buying All these gadgets Aulo magically. Tel trl Buni wed in vim Here s one even Deaver can t fix baht Buchwald or. Michael Deaver please David Stockman just a yeah David what s up ".--"Mike, i m calling you on a business matter. I want you to handle my Public i m not interested David. I be got enough trouble to me Mike. I be been getting bad press lately and i d like you o turn it around. Lean pay David the Only reason you want to hire me is for my Access to the Oval office. Well buddy that Access in t for i Don t care about Sotir Access to the Oval office. Want you because you re he Best . Man in Etc Busi Ness. Anybody who could make the president change his mind on acid rain is a in a nutshell David what s your problem for some reason everyone in Washington is bad mouthing me. Even the president called my Book fiction. I put in a Tot of time on it and it hurts when All my Friend sin the while House give me had reviews you Don l have any friends in the White s Why 1 team to hire you i d like you to persuade everybody into thinking i m really a Nice can t do that David. If i took you on i d lose every client i have including South South Korea they Don t like you there David you wrote a kiss and Tell economic Book and that s he worst kind. 1 did t appreciate the Way i came out in the Book come on Mike. It Yas All in fun. I made you out to be a glorified press agent for the president la this country that s someone la be David i have several reasons for not taking you. The most important one is that if you become my client i la lose my White House pass. Then in order to gel in and seethe president i la have to stand in line with All the tourists that pass Means More to me than 10 new clients. You should have realized you d create an image problem when you wrote the it s not my fault that Reagan s politics triumphed Over fiscal common sense. All i tried to do is show How wrung we All were 1 took As Rich blame As i Laid on the Whitehouse staff. M Ike you re the Only one who can help what can i do Sec if you can get the president to give me a Blurb Formy Book. If he does Don Regan and Caspar Weinberger will have to follow Why should the president endorse your Book that s what i m hiring you for to figure it thank you but no thank , i be never asked you for anything in my life. One photo of Nancy Reading the Triumph of polities Lothe president is All i m asking it can t be Why not. The president does t like books about deficits and tax hikes. They bore him "1 did t say it would be easy Mike. If it were easy i would t be hiring you. But just think whal a coup it would be if you could make me look Good with this even i could t pull that one off David. I was in he while House mess yesterday and do you know How they refer to you there Stockman , judas.1" to Law Anatal to today s crossword by Eucene Sheffer across 41 former 1 fabled Jekyp Laird vip t bark f loth 43 zoo8 Mcqueen favorite movie wily the 12 grape13 soviet sea 14 Pasterna heroine in 61 Spanish Queen down1 corrosive i agent 8 at in end3 walking stick4 bewitched 44 attorney concern40 synthetic fiber so Roadside and girl 68 City in Sonsal Oklahoma 56 table spread colleague 57 curved in my favorite Martian co Star is Fountain in Rome 20 Strong urge 21 roman emperor 24 decorate 28 printed charge form molding .58 Young goal s Loose 59 moved As airsa60 the Wolf 17 actress from the Arthur solution time 23 mini. 19 Hook abbr.22 Rosemary for one 23 desert Haven �5 aware of28 Lively dance 27 necessity28 ribbon loops29 brain storm 30 afford31 talc out 3s traduceavejrnc4c 38 Yellowish. 11 gulfs Cousin 40 insect so Only org.7 conned erate8 window shades 33 Lyric poem34 accented syllables36 Palmer Peg 37 Shin humps 39 Wallet yesterday s answer in in ointment 42 dinner check45 Oak or maple47 Michigan or ontario48 War god 49 nothing in Spain go hair style61-get dy"52 Singer Pesky 54 Vintage car 5-14 Hubert
