European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - June 9, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 columns the stars and stripes monday june 9, 1986 How not to read your newspaper by Andy Rooney considering How much time i be spent Reading newspaper in my tire it s amazing How Little thought i be Given to How a newspaper should be read. There s pulling 1 do so much of that i do Iff badly. If i ate dinner the Way i Rad the newspaper i d be starting with dessert if 1 drove the Way i read the news paper i d be arrested Tor Drunken driving became i was wandering All Ever the Road if i read a Book the Way i read a newspaper i d be Starling near the end working Forward and then jumping to is beginning. My method of Reading the newspaper makes no sense at All and yet Here s no Small pleasure i enjoy More. Anyone can read a newspaper any Way he or she win to. This a the great advantage of Reading a newspaper Over viewing television news. With television news you Lake it he Way icy want to give it to you or not at All. I wish i were More disciplined about the Way 1 read the new sniper. Ii May be of to Start with the social notes the gossip column sports pages recipes comic strips or the columnist but my rouble is when i do thai i often in out of Reading time before i get to what i ought to read to know what i going pm in the world. There is hardly t Day thai i Don t put the newspaper Down. Fully intending to pick it up and finish it later. Unfortunately Here is hardly a Day when i pick it up and finish it later. Firs thing know tomorrow s paper has come and the one i did t finish Reading is no longer news it s history. I often Wondi if newspaper editors read nil their paper. The reason 1 Don t finish the paper is because there s a limit to How much Lime i can spend Reading it before i have to get at life t often feel guilty about that and so i save the paper. As a result there Are piles of newspapers everywhere in the Bouse and office they re on the floor Neni to my chair in the living room on the Radiator in the Kitchen and on the table next to the bed. Every stack of papers reminds me that i Don t gel things done. Some times j wish that newspapers were printed on paper that evaporated into thin air when it was a Day old. Often when i put Down the paper. I can give you the Juicy details of a scandal in the local government and i can Tell you who won the Ienn match three baseball game and whom Liz Taylor was seen with last night but i have no idea what George Shultz Laid in response to Gorbachev. Tin As attracted to trivia As i am to a bowl of nuts even though both make me feel worse later. Weve bombarded by information from every Side and it s a Good thing. The hardware for the distribution of intelligence a vastly belter than it was even 20 years ago. Reporters generally speaking Are not being Given enough Lime to dig out the information they need for a Complete Story but inc mans of spreading information around a so much better that we re getting More of it than we used to despite that sad fart. A Little of that information is bound to sink in and make us belter informed. The trouble with Reading Novelty gossip or sport items or Reading half a news Story is that we end up paying too much attention to things that have no bearing on our lives. They re dream world stuff. They re interesting As entertainment but they have no practical value for our lives. Everything does t have to be important but most of it ought to Lead us somewhere even if it s Only to making a better cup of Coffee or adding a Titbit of information about foreign policy thai will help us vote intelligently in the next election. For All the information we have Avail Able most of us Are stupid and uniformed and it a l our newspaper s fault it s our own. It might be a Good idea if schools had courses in How to read a newspaper although i Don t know who would be qualified to Leach it. Not me. Cd Tribune Medha sir not Little miss mutter you win again by Art Buchwald according to Newsweek single educated women Over 35 Only have a 5 percent Chance of gelling mar. Tied. Since their careers had precedence Over marriage inc working women Start looking around for or. Right much later in life. Too Laic in Many cases be cause he has already been captured by Little miss Muff who could t care less far a title on her door. How do i know so much i have been serving As a Volunteer matchmaker for my friends Over the years. The hours arc Long and the work in t easy. Some weeks Back a lady Friend said to me i m looking for or. Right and i wan you 10 handle my you have to Lake a number. Now represent seven women ill of whom have asked me to find them i must have priority. I m turning 40 next week the said. All right but first i have to gel a profile on you. I would like to Aik you a few questions. What kind of Man Are you looking for i m not fussy she said. Any supera Biever will do How about something on the order of a vice presi Dent of a targe insurance company 1 suggested. He does t have to have a title As Long As he u financially Independent she said. I Don t want to get involved Riih someone who looks up to me Only be cause of my income or Poi that sounds find me a caring Loving Man who understands Rny Many moods and if adjust to that sounds and i Don t want anyone who is still in now you re making it to have very Good administrative talents. Three Hun dred people answer la me. They say i m firm but fair she said. Yet the word on the sired is that you carry the Iron fist you use All Day Home with you at people Are jealous because of my fasl Rise to Ine top which prevented me from competing for the Man of my dreams. I m confident you can find or. Right1 now because he is probably unhappily married and at this very moment searching intensely for someone it s not As easy to find an eligible Man Over 40 As one would who says it has to be Over 40? anyone 21 Yea Sand up May i Don t have too Many suitable 21-year-Olds on my Kolodka i told her All i ask is that he be emotionally you just made my task impossible "1 want to make in perfectly Clear thai i am not desperate. I m very Happy with my situation. 1 have a Lovely apartment a Large office an american express credit card and a cat named i m glad to hear that i said because your Case while not the most difficult is not the easiest either. Could you give me any idea of How determined you Are to find or. Right i d go out with my ups truck Driver if he one More question. What sports do you like i adore Tennis i Ean wipe up the court with almost any Man i play with she said. Would you consider letting or. Right win just a few games until you know each other better i m not that cd lat am Hon to rom today s crossword by Eugene Sheffer across 36 abode of Down a love god 1 formerly the Dud Jujube to hot time s wander 87 Indian of fruit in Paris about British t Creek 81 tequod8 window Guiana 3 Povy n Captain we ton 40 june Bug place u pro 12 Scavo Fly 41 Rural 4 mexican 2s state ones dance Onyx event teen the up gluon Abb hint Follower 42 wild uproar. Mark for Momoa 24 siamese Al Dafter on Arlysle 29 mar. 21apr. 19 body30 Elk Eukel flan 32 Plover or snipe 34 super hero s asunder done39 of i feature 40 unit offerer 43 cuckoo44 lib 46mapabbr.4t Evergreen a. Excited Jive it i a veil hapa re a Reft for. Our Nasht Orr -
