European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 21, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns there s More to Fame than a television show by John Windrow stiff columnist i knew Fame would come someday. After years of pounding out columns in my Una lined study an allows me to appear on Casl Haus. A Chance for millions of fans to see what kind of Man devotes his fleeting brain celts to writing about animal photos on Page 1, Royal weddings legions of Lunatic cousins the perils and Joys of trying to put together newspapers for a doubting sceptical Public. What kind of fool is Windrow anyway inquiring minds want to know. Now they have their Chance. Kathleen Devine invites me to sit with her on an incredibly hard wooden Bench under to lights set at a temperature sufficient 1o roast an of. An adoring Public can see me in the perspiring flesh at last. This i said to the Magazine editor could he bigger than addressing the officers wives club at you Saint you slunk out inc join she said. You said they i had them in the Palm of my hand i said crossly unlit i quoted . Fields about women and which one is that she asked. You know women Are like elephants to me t like to loot in them but t would t want in own one " Gonna use it again she said arching her eyebrows. Methinks not i said. The Devine Kathleen might like Lille dues Kathleen know Hal i am a seasoned Veteran of broadcast Media. I. Who once did a to feature about the demolition of a one Lane Bridge in a Hamlet in Central Missouri i who once covered the milk chugging conies at a prominent University school of agriculture to wlm was sent out to do a on poor people and welfare and spent three weeks scouring the depressed Countryside Only to return to my caustic and Una mused editor to confess Hal i just Coulton 1 find any poor people. The poor will always be with you Lesus lot us. Welt go out and try to find somebody who will say he s poor on camera. Not to mention radio i toured the inauguration of a governor in Missouri and called the speaker of the Missouri Senate by the wrong name for the entire Hookup. Nol Only that during the 16-gun Salute i slathered away about ills splendours of the occasion unaware that no Ore could hear a word i was saying. Despite my shortcomings the governor assumed his office. Or How about the Lime a sadistic editor sent me out to cover the turning on of a Majestic colourful Fountain at a major insurance firm for radio that was a treat not unlike the moribund political conventions when the anchors try to fill vast expanses of air time when absolutely nothing occurs a folks if you could Only be Here to see this Besu lift Fountain. How the water plumes skyward while the Rainbow of lights plays Over the glittering Waters. It looks like the Aurora boreal is no More like a benign volcanic eruption no still More like a Host of Angels whose shining Robes fill the Star kissed night with shining thank god they Cut me off for a Public service announcement about the benefits of alcohol counselling. I worked Ai a Small to station once where we did t have the luxury of videotape. We ran a tape recorder for the audio and a film projector for the video. We were trying to run a feature one night about ,1 Man who taught himself to be a Blacksmith. Bui we got the audio for the Blacksmith mixed up with the video of a very Well known Man who was running for governor of the slate. When it aired the Public saw the candidate who was eminently recognizable walking the streets of is. Louis Wardingly clasping the hands of men and women in the Street. The audio began this Man although he cannot read or write Hai taught himself to be a to was a Black Day. The news director Lay awake at night with visions of libel suits dancing in his head. On another broadcast we attempted to run the Slock reports from Kansas City. For More competent stations this was a fairly mundane affair. Give pm the hog prices the beleaguered news director said. It could have been a journalistic Triumph if we had t loaded to film backward into the projector. The poor woman who was anchoring the broadcast said Fork prices Aie the viewers saw a horde of Swine walking upside Down on the ceiling of some pen in inc Kansas City stockyards. With such a background How could i miss on Gas Ruus i even went out and bought a Necktie. There t was sweating under the lights in my new Cravat. The divine Kathleen poised and incredibly at ease assured me that All would go Well i put my Arm across the Back of the Bench. Or. Windrow one of the producers said we be already asked you three times to keep your Arm off the Back of the Bench. It looks like you re making advances at i snatched my right hand off the Back of the Bench and whisked in into my Lap. Gadzo oks what would the Public think if i were behaving lascivious by with Kathleen what does one do with his hands on a to set i longed for Handcuffs. How do you want people to think about your column she asked me. A very logical opening question. I babbled away for a while roasting under the lights and finally said something about the rantings of a diseased mind i think the interview took a downhill turn at that Point. 2 formal weddings for 1 Bride not the done thing by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners my sister is 2fl, and this will be her second marriage. Her Fiance to 25, and it i Hii first. I was maid of Honor Al her first and she wants me and a Friend who was her bridesmaid before to be bridesmaids again but our older sister Laid in was t right for me in be in Thil wedding since i we in the first. My sister s Fiance wants her to Wear the traditional gown veil and train. It this proper 1 gentle Reader the wrong sister is being counselled about overdoing it. Ves it is improper for a Bride to have two such full fledged formal weddings Complete with trains and bridesmaids. It strains the patience of her family and friends who find themselves Savouring the irony of the occasion More than the sentiment. Certainly she should have a festive wedding with a pretty and even floor length dress if she wishes but not a duplicate one. However it is commendable in her intimates you among them to Ireal the second wedding with As much solemnity and dignity As the first by All Means land up for her if you and she wish. Should she go ahead with the plans you will still be blameless. Dear miss manners last week i invited my Friend and her family of six for dinner. An hour after the stated dinner time her brother whom she tee every Day called to Lee in the dinner engagement was still on. He apologized for missing it and assured me that a sister was to Kewpie confused. I have not heard one word from her since i invited her. My husband thinks i m wrong to be upset but i cooked for 15 people and Only half showed up. I think i m entitled loan apology or an explanation or something. Gentle Reader yes you Are but your Friend entitled to a comprehensible invitation and miss manners is not sure she got one. If you Promise miss manners you did t mumble something like Stop by if you feel like it she will not Only support your expectation of an apology but work herself up into High indignation Over the social crime of failing to appear at a scheduled dinner. Come to think of it now that your Friend knows she was expected she should be frantically calling anyway to Clear up the misunderstanding. But then also come to think further if the brother does t actually live in the sister s House Why had t you issued him his own invitation too hard. Let s Call this one a draw. Dear miss manners How do you politely remove Exposi potato Chip tall from your fingers do you lick it off or wipe in on your Panti gentle Reader no you Don t wipe it on your pants for heaven s Sake. Even if miss manners did t object think of your dry cleaner. Nor do you lick your fingers. The object you need is called a Napkin. But if you really can t find one no one will notice if you absentmindedly draw a Finger or two across your Mouth and later because it s hot out run your Tongue across your lips. Dear miss manners a neighbor we liked when he first moved in the building Comet Over knocks and walks right in before my husband or i can get up to answer the door. He lit Down to watch to because his Mother is watching something else Al Home. He does t say a word and when the show is Over he gets up and leaves. How can i Tell him he s not Welcome anymore gentle Reader the object you want is a lock. Hive of etiquette question address any correspondence to miss manners in care of the stars Onri strides. Apo 09211, . Forces. August 31, ts36 if Pei Magnine
