European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - October 14, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Tuesday. October 14. 1966 the stars and stripes Arin Landers Drar Ann Landers Donl like chill Zines touched on a sensitive problem in our family. Will you please print Thi Kitler my 80-year-old Mother while Noj a wealthy woman is quite Able to pay her own Way and insists on doing so. We Are in mod est circumstances. Sometimes Mother goes on vacation or on a Day trip with us and we Slop at a reasonably priced restaurant to eat dinner. She will say i m not hungry. All 1 want is a cup of she Len proceed to eat from everybody s Plale. Tits embarrasses me. I feel that observers will think we Are being cruel to an elderly person when we stay at a reason where meals Are included in the Price Mother appetite ii Iraq line. H to my Fec Litif. 1hat Many elderly people do this. Plane come up with a solution. Staten Island daughter Mother an very Haid to retrain. Pm a to he objects older her id or Tome soap something to Hare in front of her. The it la not put a end to her forays into the plates at others but it Hill Cut them Dawn somewhat. Dear Ann Landers 1 would like o offer some advice to your female Reader who arc involved with a married Man or contemplating such an arrangement. Please put in in bold Type. It s important. Don be foolish your chances for marriage Are 100-Ttt-l against. I made he mistake of falling in love with a Man who unless your married Man has moved out of the House and filed Tor divorce forget his promises and get on with your life. Tell him to hit the Road. Period. Chances Are he is nothing but a Chaser and has no intention of leaving the Security of his Home. Not Only will you find yourself Silling alone wailing for it few stolen moments you will discover that those moments Are fewer and less frequent. Finally the relationship will be reduced to sneaking around for an hour and a half whenever he feels like seeing you. I wasted four Good years of toy life on empty promises. When he broke off our relationship i cried Foi two weeks. Then suddenly it dawned on me that i was very Lucky he called it quits because 1 never would have had the strength to do u. Every woman who is involved with a married Man should ask herself could this happen to me i la answer the question. Yes. And if you Wail Long enough in will. Too late smart too Long dumb dear too tale smart same song second terse. Thanks for singing it again. Dear readers Tail let me to Katoa Khmer of Mem a us a Idee to get letter Ami Joyce s bin. If May be Trot a Only cot am in acc Bee but your father proceed a son it de Btu acne if would have Lee of Elj of to he named your i Wpm a a Aari a Jott. Sect Yew m4 or wife did thai one to a i Tot Jutt Walt Eatn Nitt other writer disputes value of year of values Afler having just left the year of the army Fame " i was Ufier wary when the army chose i9s6 Asci. Or nov i in i knew that if the army had chosen 1985 to be the year of the army family it was doing so to pander to a pressure group to throw that pressure group a political Bone in order to keep More married soldiers in the army. The army could not have been More Hokey when in chose family As thai which we should All Revere while the single soldiers wondered whether the army bad remembered their existence which it had not. When the army chose 1986 As the year of values i knew its crusade was futile. I had predicted thai the values would consist of arbitrary cliches picked Ai random that had no Central idea binding them. I knew that the army would choose As its value the lame old tired directives hoping to bind them All under the title of i knew that anyone who believed such things were values certainly had none before. That is Why 1986 should have been called the year of if one actually were in a unit where some of these values were being Primula gated then one could see Why the year of values was futile from the Start imagine that you arc a specialist four or lower in a corrupt unil where you can see those ranking higher get away Wilh everything imaginable and those below you gel the Shad unless of course they had friends in High imagine a unit where re Spect Means Jear. Fear of speaking honestly fear of saying something Ever so sightly the wrong Way in front of the wrong person. No this Type of unit in t 41 fairy talc it is a actual reality. It is the average Type of unit in Many military communities. Now bring in the year of one is continually groping for values if one wishes to remain honest in a unit where inn sly Means action under the uniform code of military Justice Ucma. Where honesty Means living by a different set of standards from one s superiors. Where one feels a swell of anger every time he sees his first sergeant has a group of friends within the company who Are inexplicably immune to any punishment. One looks to values in such situations. You shrug thinking that values have no connection Wilh real life and if having values Means cutting one s own Throat in the name of Honi ily. Then values Don t work. There is a poster displayed in our unit tilled How do you Rale underneath it there is Dis played a thumbs up Symbol and a thumbs Down sym Bol indicating what kind of behaviour is in Accord Ance Wilh the army s As to be expected the categories which i desc values fall under Are an arbitrary set picked from inc officer evaluation report form. You laugh and think is this in is this he set of values the Central pen pals ideas from which we ought to Lead our life How bendable these values can be. Bui there is one value thai does stall out on this poster and it Falls under the category of moral Cour age under the thumbs up Symbol is written i speak the Ruth Good news or under the thumbs Down Symbol is Willen i say yes when the Boss wants an honest but then Yon look at All the other values and Sec what makes the latter so commonplace and the former impossible if Youdon t want to get burned. Then there s the killer Caie gory the category of selflessness. Under the thumbs up Symbol is. I put Mission and others under the thumbs Down Symbol is i take care of number one and that is the key 10 what is wrong. Anybody can easily see that this one crucial category ought to be and that the proper phrase under the thumbs up Symbol would be. I place the Mission and taking care of my subordinates problems in the perspective that it is what i am paid to do that their self esteem needs to be protected that looking out for number one Means that other people too. Have a number one. That i am in the army for m Sake but so arc others and i must not seek my self i merest at the expense of but this i suppose would name the True Issue and be deemed As Loo Wordy by those who want to dictate values by Means of meaningless catch phrases. Name and location withheld editor s note it. Col. Jam a. Harris chief. Leadership and holiness Branch human re source div., office of the Deputy chief of staff personnel he Usa eur replies in spite of Spur negative perceptions on the potential Success of file year of values i think your com ments Point out just Why we need this year to focus on values. During each of the past five Yean the army has selected a theme la focus Mienl Lun and begin improvement in a specific area. You Are tulle Rigel hint we cannot instill values in people in nut year but we can Start soldiers and civil Ian thinking about a specific set of value important to our army and nation. I do Dot believe the problems von describe i your letter represent the average unit in the . Army in Europe but where Tvr they exist they ran counter co the professional array values of loyalty duty selfless serv ice and integrity. These words May sound simple Al m values of commitment competence Candor and or Aee sound simple but they Are the brat of the year of the values expressed Are not the Only ones that should determine oar character but they Are dims that arc Central to our profession and should Rohe our ils As we serve our nation. A blur. Apo09jii.us i would Mil o by not udut i your pen pit column. \ am 22, 1 wort in Nur no i Kim arid my in Fraih include Jarw Ricon Roc Ball flu sic and Reg Dunn Armani the Frisby a Contu raid fell Ilhan Suffolk. 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