European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - November 4, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Ederly parents relying More on children for emotional support by Sharon Johnson new York times hated visiting my parents because All they did was argue complained Josephine Mazzola a 46-year-old Boston speech therapist. I used to come Home exhausted because they expected me to Settle their experts say an increasing number of adult children Are finding themselves in similar positions because More people Are living longer and becoming emotionally dependent on their adult children. One out of nine americans is Over 65, and the population Over 65 is growing twice As fast As the population As a whole according to the census Bureau. Elderly Parent often turn to their adult children for emotional support and help in solving their differences because they have few other resources said or. Barbara Silverstone co author of you and your aging parents pantheon books 1984. Their friends and other relatives May have moved away or died and they May not have replaced them because they Are infirm and cannot get out to meet new Silverstone said that elderly couples argue for a variety of reasons. Some who have gotten along Well in the past argue after a major change in their lives such As the husband s retirement because they May be unaccustomed to spending so much time together. Once they Are established in new routines these arguments May disappear Silverstone said and so adult children should avoid the temptation to jump in and try to solve these problems because they will be taking the risk of alienating one or both other experts report that couples argue Over issues related to continuing problems such As finances or poor health. Still other couples argue out of habit according to or. Babette Becker a new York City psychotherapist and specialist in aging. Persons a d 65 and Over As a percent of . Population As Young couples they disagreed Over whether to spend or save their paychecks and As 65-year Olds they argue Over How to allocate their social Security checks she said. In such cases adult children should remember that the parents arguments Are an integral part of the relationship and May not be bothering the parents As much As their adult children Becker who teaches a course called coping with elderly parents at Mary mount College in Manhattan said that sometimes the reason parents give for arguing is not the True source of their difficulties. Adult children have to ask themselves what is going on with their parents As individuals and As a couple she said. They have to spend some time observing their situation and examining their own feelings toward their parents so that they can come up with creative or. Rosalind Barmett a clinical psychologist in Weston mass., said so much of what happens in these situations depends on the life experience of both Parent and child. If the Mother looked to the daughter to act As a go Between with the father when the daughter was growing up the Mother will continue to do so when she is Barnett co author of life prints new patterns of love and work for today s woman Signet publishers 1985said adult children must realize that they do not have to respond to their parents in the Way they did As Young people. For example. Mazzola realized after several counselling sessions that her difficulties with her 80 year old parents were caused by her misplaced loyalty to her Mother. I had always wanted to win my Mother s affection and one Way to do this was to take her part against my father in their squabbles she explained. My father is much More aggressive than is my Mother and one Way she could stand up to him was by having me Point out things to him that she really wanted to Mazzola and her Parent got out of this destructive pattern by sitting Down once a week and calmly discussing the parents disagreements Over household chores and finances. The Mother Learned to be More forthright about her feelings and the father Learned to listen to the Mother s views. They also Learned to work out some compromises so that the Mother did not feel overworked. The person who profited most from their new Way of relating to each other was me said Mazzola. Now when we get together we enjoy each other instead of arguing All the exercise can help arthritis victims by Ayle Young United press International Era Berson first eased her excruciating arthritic pain when she carefully Slid into a Florida Pool seven years ago and began exercising under water. The Brooklyn native now 72, says daily doses of exercise in her Community swimming Pool have eliminated her arthritic pain and made her More Mobile and Independent than when arthritis first struck at age 54. Doctors say they re not surprised. The medical Community has known for years that careful supervised exercise is extremely beneficial to sufferers of arthritis a painful disease of the joints that affects an estimated one out of seven people. But i has Only been in the last couple of years that arum Iii sufferers have heeded the advice and taken up exercise with a passion. The Public interest now is unbelievable and it s a very Good sign said or. Fred Mcduffie medical director of the National arthritis foundation in Atlanta. There was t the emphasis on exercise 30 years ago that there is Berson is one of a half dozen arthritis to write exercise books hers pain free arthritis is in its third edition and last month an exercise videotape for arthritis starring movie actress Jane Powell debuted in new York. While doctors specializing in joint diseases said the popular interest in exercise was encouraging they also threw in warning provisos for arthritis to exercise caution As Well As their bodies. There Are some guiding principles that should be discussed with a doctor or physical therapist first especially for someone with an advanced Case said Peter Mathon spokesman for the National arthritis foundation. If you do too much exercise or the wrong Type it May Hurt rather than he said. Arthritis or inflammation of the joints refers to 100 or so separate diseases the exact cause of which is not known. In one of the most serious forms rheumatoid arthritis membranes surrounding the joints become inflamed while blood and enzymes Rush to the site causing painful swelling and redness. Over a period of years the enzymes gradually digest the cartilage that covers the end of the Bone and May even destroy the Bone beneath As Well. Surrounding muscle and tissue also become damaged Over the years. Arthritis often fail to straighten their joints for Long periods because it is less painful to allow the muscle to contract slightly said Mcduffie. As a result the joint can lock into place and mobility becomes limited. There Are three reasons for arthritis to exercise said Mcduffie. First is to maintain their joint mobility their general Range of motion and second is to specifically strengthen the Muscles around the the third reason said doctors is perhaps the most important. It s vital for arthritis to keep fit to maintain their cardiovascular system and Overall Good health Mcduffie said. It does wonders for their doctors who treat arthritis abound with stories of patients who succumbed to the first painful twinges of the disease and became inactive eventually slipping into immobility. There Are few scent Filc studies and Little proof that physical exercise wards off immobility and arthritic pain but doctors said they have seen thousands of cases of arthritis who improved with exercise and a positive attitude while thousands have failed because they voluntarily became immobile. The More they walk climb stairs and take care of themselves the better off they Are said Mcduffie. There Are no Long Range studies but we be seen it time and time said since most arthritis undergo physical therapy anyway he advises them to devise a proper exercise regime with the Aid of the Tholf Flat or doctor. Thank god for he said. It s the Best measurement we have. If you do something and it hurts for hours afterwards then you have done too much. Do it until it hurts a Tutte go a Little beyond then he said. Your mobility we increase a Little each tuesday. November 4. 1986 the stars and stripes Page 17
