European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - November 21, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Pm the stars and stripes Fri stay. November 21,19� tips on getting even with soviets Brand Rooney you have to figure that it s a lot wont new for soviet Diplomat to be sent Home from the United states than it it Tor aft american to be told he can no longer slay in Mosow. The toughen duty in the world for foreign correspondents whether they Worktop a newspaper or Tel Rainn is to be stationed in Moscow. They hate hand few have been Able to stick it out for More the t year. It s hard to believe russian reporter or soviet diplomats hate being Here. If you grew up in Russia this must be Sweet duly1 even if you Don t due let anyone know you Ted that Way. The . Tot Nneal i engaged in gnat Tii for Tat contest with the soviet Union. The soviets arrest one of theirs. We Aires Lone of our Piet � someone we say ii spy they say he in l. Twy anti tone of our Nyi and Tay he a spy we say he mix we throw 25 soviet out of the country they throw outcome of ours in Moscow. We retaliate they Nta Liale. They by our or aunty in Moscow can t employ any of the 160 russians who work there making the Beds washing the dishes and doing the dirty wort we have to use up some or our quota by sending Tow level american support personnel to drive the can an maintain the embassy building. Each country it thinking up things it can do to theother to get even. As somewhat of an expert at getting even i be been thinking of things our government could do to annoy the in simians without provoking a War. Move the United nations to some inconvenient place Tike Rochester . Duleh minn., or Bir Mingham Ala. The russian diplomats enjoy the fast life in new York make . Duty less pleasant for them. Pick a City where Fere Brent Many Good restaurants and very Tittle to do after dark. The dirtiest trick of All might be to insist the , be moved to Moscow. The russian would go Cazy Trauig to Tapalla those phones and follow All those potential Spiel in their midst limit the number of american tourists going to Russia to the same number of russian toot who Are allowed to come to the United states. This would reduce american ton Rinn in the soviet unum to Zero. Last year 30,000 american tourists went la rut Tia. No Rno ians came Here As tourists Don t let us a Siani have Cable television i their . . Because of All die Tail Bow Inge reception a Louay in new York without can bet Cre roman stationed Here watch a Tot of our television. Irritate them by making them watch it with a fuzzy picture. Take away their american express cards. Make them carry run Ian express cards. See How far that gets them. Insist that All russian officials a the United slates drive nothing but russian made can and re quire them to Gearri Majhi unde car u4 me rut sum toilet paper. Order All american diplomats dealing with we soviet Union to speak russian. Generally speaking russian Diplomat Are More Apt to speak English than our Dipso anti arc Apt to speak russian there s Noth ing More frustrating than trying to talk to Tomeo who Speaks your native language badly. American diplomats Yerumy would speak Amiin badly audit s bound u frustrate russians trying to get some thing done. Don t bother to Bug their telephones. Just arrange to feed some clicking noise into their system to make them think they re bugged. Have the sunday papers delivered to their embassy every week with two sections musing. For Safe slightly used secrets i live around the Comer from the soviet embassy in Washington. The other morning i saw a crowd in front of it and asked an Fri Man dressed As a parting meter Moid what waa going on. It s a garage Sale being held by the russian who were booted out of the United states. You can get some great buys on Afghani Wool potholders and Andropov ashtrays with secret tape recorders i wandered Over to one of the Bridge tables. The soviet embassy employee said to me can i interest you in Navy submarine codes that have Only been iat of acct incr Cone in Tina Beatty i statue of Btty toy rim my pm easily be hidden in to nip , thank you i said. I slopped collecting sub Narine codes Alti Admiral Rickover then perhaps i could whet your appetite with stole use print of lie stealth bomber. They make extremely co Torrij Wall i said "1 Wood it know one stolen blueprint fro another. How can 1 be sure they re genuine each and every one of them has been authenticated by Cap Weinberger. We soviets do not Deal in Hony american byte purls. That s Why we re being licked out of your country.1 1 told him i would be Back. The next table feature microfilm of president Reagan s Star wars plan. A soviet Emba aty lady Manning the stand was sell ing the microfilm which the had taken when she walked through the White House with a baby under her Arm. All i had to do was say the baby was a right to lire1 Potter child and they let me photo graph everything in the Oval Are you an open on microfilm i asked , but i but what i Why Are you telling them instead of taking them Back to the soviet Union she replied if you Ait an american you get a Fortune from Moscow for Star wan material qty Tiare a russian they Tell you it s your duty to turn it Over to the motherland for free. This u my last Hance in America to make a Buck 1 wandered Over to another table and saw a framed that who t think it test i asked. The russian embassy Man smiled. This is a Genu Ine autographed photo of the american spy John Walker. It is dedicated to me and says Kovarich 1 could t he done it without you " that h a. Very sent Paul Kut Paace. Why a Jow unloading it at a garage Sale "1 have hundreds of them. John gave me a picture every time he committed an act of treason. The Only one i won t Sce is this picture of John Selling out Hisson to the Fri ii was taken from a bakery Van by ate of our Best noticed a Book on Hii table. If the Bible Vilaty Yurchenko wore on when he promised Whitam Casey he would always be a Loyal defector he told me. How did you get bold of it i got it from Vitaly just before he boarded the plane for Moscow. He asked me to give it to Casey for sentimental reasons. When i tried to deliver it Casey said he did t want a Bible that bad been sworn on Bya defector who could t keep his is there anything else in the garage Sale i might be interested Katf i have the White House text of what Ronald Rea Gan said to Gorbachev in which Onet what version do Yon want today s crossword by Eugene Sheffer ac108s ii Turner of. 4 Cut 41 Forrler lumber partner 8-wmtt Bim pretzels finer in Copland in Kato 8 sodium attuned lop of Lawty 24 Wear partner 2slrgrhbergnwn film29 Auto Mph 30 Bill 31 broadcast32 gang 30scardtnauo 34 concerning31 gawk 36 single 11-21 Hubert heab.1he Andrews a stubs Sims
