European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - December 8, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The stars and stripes monday decembers 19s6 columns today a crossword Money is a Good thing to Hove Brand Rooney Public relations companies besiege columnist wit material they Hope will induce the writers to mention their clients Namei in print. I m Seldom caught by anything in their Volu Moui brochures but Money Magazine sent me an interesting study it hid Don about americana and their Money some of which Iii pass on to you. Having mentioned the Magazine once i consider my debt 10 it paid what s the most Likely subject Tor an argument inthe family Money according to the Survey. Whit would you expect from a Survey that s paid Tor by publication with that name in our House 1 noticed we argue More about Money now that we have some than we did before we had any. I suppose there was nothing to argue about before we had Money. While 37 percent argue about Money 29 percent argue about their kid 26 percent about work to be done around the House 21 percent about diets and 16percent about Job decisions. Only 6 percent of Ameri can couples argue about religion or politics. Of the people surveyed 34 percent said they did Targue about anything. We Are Noi among that group and if we were 1 think to get a divorce. People who own their own Homes say the value of their houses has doubled since they bought them from $41,200 to js2.400. The people who have owned Ihei Rhomes for 15 Yean said the value was up 316 percent. Thai would make a Home bought in 1971 for 130,000worth $208,000 today. What the Survey does t say is that if you sell you House for j208.000 you d have to pay 1250,000 for another one just like it. We bought our Home fors29.soo in 1951. If we sold it and lived in a tent we d be Rich. We re not going to though. The Survey said it found that when people were asked what they d do if they suddenly were Given $10,000, 56 percent said they d save some of  said they d pay debts. Poor people were More Apt to say they d give some of the s 10,000 Wiy than Rich people. I suppose if you Don t have any Money it easier to decide you d give Tome of it Wiy than if you do have in seventy nine percent of All americans surveyed use credit  use credit cards but when i buy Tom thing in a department store with one and the clerk goes to the Telephone to Check with the Bonk to always afraid they la say my credit tent any Good.1 envision the Derk going to a microphone and say ing Over the Public address system attention Atten Tion All shoppers the credit of Andrew a. Veam card Holder number a Dun 307 dash 492 dash 1096dash 5709 is no Good. Do not Issue credit to Andrew a. Rooney forty six percent of americans would like to see a lax on imported cars. Men surveyed thought they d be better off financially under the republicans women thought they be Beller off under the democrats. Most people said they were Happy. Twenty five percent said very Happy and 64 percent fairly  Only 11 percent said not Happy at  that question would be hard for me to answer. It smore complicated than Happy or unhappy. The fact is pm very Happy 25 percent of the time fairly Happy 64 percent of the time and not Happy at All 11 percent of the time. People with More Money said they were happier than those without much Money. We need a Survey for that most americans Don t mind working. 45 percent said that if they could work More hours and make More Money they d do it. There were a couple of questions i thought of that weren t asked How much Money do you ordinarily. Carry around in your pocket when you get Cash do you like Loa 20s or sos c Tribune midd a a Etc similes of Tough As a Mondale kiss  we were talking in this space a few weeks ago about the simile. Let me Weium 10 the Iheme today by Recal Ling an encounter i had a couple of years ago with Waller Mondale and a 6-foot Stepladder the democratic nominee was meeting with a group of women volunteers in his Campaign. Under the Slan Dard protocol for such occasions he was required 10buss a few of the ladies on the Check. Watching this ritual i was struck by an irreverent thought mandate looks like a Stepladder. Back at the typewriter i struggled to fashion the image into a workable sen tence or iwo. It came hard. Mandate in private is a warm and easygoing  Public he tends to Cool off. He is visibly uncomfortable with some of the social graces expected of a politician who is working a crowd. Put to the test of bus sing a lady on the Cheek he stands As stiff As Stepladder Angling toward his target and be seems not to know what to do with his hands Waller Mondale is a Man of Many talents but whenever will make it As a Kisser. Attending a reception at his Washington Headquarters he undertook to Buss woman Volunteer but it was a Little like a Stepladder kissing a lamp pole. Mondale leans Over stiff an angular busses the air and instantly retreats watching Waller Mondale Buss a lady is like watching a 6-foot Stepladder unfold " imagine a Stepladder. Imagine Walter Mondal bussing an elderly woman Volunteer. You get the Pic Ture. The nominee stiffly unfolds angles Over completes the him and folds Back up,." the democratic nominee a dignified fellow in Public is visibly uncomfortable with some of the so Cial amenities expected of a politician. Confronting a Friendly female face a face expecting a kiss he unfolds with All the Grace of a 6-foot Stepladder. Stiff and angular he completes the ritual Buss drops his hands and retreats " so it goes. Those of us who write for a living Are forever grappling with images. We want our vivid Sim Ile wrapped As snugly in a sentence As a Pimento in a Olive but sentences resist the embrace i never did gel Mondale and the ladder to come out  have to keep working Ai these things. We have to store observations and experiences for use later  other Day i broke a Shoelace there s a simile lurking in that Small vexation. For 10 years i have been trying to think of something to go with putting socks on wet feel. Gelling an answer out of a reluctant witness is like what like pulling crabgrass like hacking out of a Sand trap with a spoon Ait around usage similes waiting to be discovered. They lie in Library paste in the layers of an onion in the wrong endow a cigarette in the wad of gum that Sticks to a shoe. Eugene Mccarthy once looked at a mottled autumn Leaf and saw the Back of an old Man s band. Graham Greene looked at wet crows on a limb and saw a roof broken Black umbrellas. Out of such comparisons if we work at them come sentences that crackle like lightning bolts across a Page of prose. The week s mail brings a couple of notable  advertisement for name labels boasts that the la Bels Are printed on remo stable paper. 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