European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - December 24, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 14 the stars and stripes wednesday december 24,1986 columns today � crossword Home buyers need hard facts by Andy Rodney we need mime kind of official House rating Agency Hal would provide Point dial homeowners a apart ment renters with hard information on the value of the property they re thinking of buying or renting. Real Siale people arc often interesting and Charm ing people but you would t suggest that their word on a House they re trying to sell is always absolutely accurate. I m not saying real estate agents lie. I m saying that they. Well their statements about a place arc. That is. When they Tell you the Good things they sometimes. What i m trying to say is they lie. The real estate Section of a newspaper would shake anyone s Confidence in brokers. Beautifully landscaped for example usually Means there arc two Bushes in front of the House. Wooded  on the other hand Means there Are two Trees. A House would be rated on As Many As 25 major and minor features. If 3 House was free of drafts with tight windows and doors goad insulation and with a Furnace big enough and Good enough to warm every room it would get a 10 in the heating category. There would be Points off for drafts rooms with radiators that arc too Small and for gaps in the insula Tion. If a House had steam heat instead of hot water heat it would lose live Points. Hot air heat would mean a deduction of seven or eight Points. Each House also would be rated for summer temperatures. If it was shaded or Well insulated and air conditioned it would get a High hot weather rating. A prospective buyer would be Able to get a realistic assessment on the amount of usable floor space in a House. The floor space in hallways would t be counted and any room that had to be used As a passageway to another room would lose Points. There would be major deductions if the front door opened directly into the living room instead of into n hallway. Thure Mould be minor deductions for the following items doors Hal open into a room when they d be Bel Ter opening out or vice versa. Rain gutters that collect leaves from adjacent Trees and get clogged up easily. A bathroom hard to find in the dark in the mid dle of he night. Misplaced and inconvenient Light switches. A front Lawn with crabgrass on a Hill. A living room arranged so Hal when one person is watching television everyone has to watch it whether they want to or not. Cracks in the sidewalk thai make it difficult to shovel after a heavy Snow. A shovel should slide easily along the length of a sidewalk and not keep bumping into obstacles. Wet basement Leaky roof. Leaky attics. Noisy Street with heavy traffic. On the plus Side there would be Bonus Points for these Good features if a House had them enough bathrooms for everyone at Rush hour. A working fireplace. Ample electrical outlets in convenient places. Closet space enough for everyone and everything. A Kitchen equipped with a big refrigerator a Good stove plenty of counter space and two sinks so that iwo people can work on the dishes at the same Lime. It seems Likely that if a proper test and rating could be devised it would give prospective homeowners a Chance to gel a fair Deal. Instead of inflated prose each House would have a rating number. There Are intangibles thai would be hard to assess. Some houses have a kind of Charm to which it s difficult to assign a number. In that Case a meaningful figure might be the average number Oty ears occupants had stayed in the House if a House is 15 years old and has had six owners or tenants it s probably a dog. Ice Tri Buie mid a services peeves Are con Fanf irritation by James k1lpatrick one of William satire s readers on being asked to cite his Pel linguistic Peeve replied with admirable directness my pet Peeve is Pel Peeve 1 fair enough but some offences rankle readers even More. More importantly is a source of intellectual hives. The Washington times Over a Story about an aging golfer provided a headline a 78, but More importantly he  a columnist for the times Analysed an opinion poll thai found substantial sym Pathy for the Palestine liberation organization but More importantly found agreement that the Plo is wedded to violence. A bulletin of Southern Oregon state College promoted a course in changing lifestyles Hal will make you healthier both now and even More importantly in the  a arg while we Are retiring More importantly to a Home for pretentious adverbs let us also retire a  Newsweek Magazine last month let us know Hal the budget deficit is arguably the nation s worst  and what about literally an associated press Story Aboul Joan Rivers debut quoted her publicist on her reception an ovation left her literally Tongue tied for the rest of the  unbelievable in Columbus Ohio a columnist recalled a piece by Jimmy Breslin on the assassination of John f. Kennedy Breslin literally took his readers into the Corri Dors of Parkland  hokum if we will re member Hal literally Means actually we will a Cleat to figuratively instead. Nice distinction a Reader in Augusta ga., Chal Lenges a headline in the chronicle record great lakes Levels threaten  the Challenge is Well mounted. Oceans have coasts lakes have shores. From Beaufort s.c., Elisabeth Kelcy writes Loob Jet to utilize when a simple use would suffice. The usage has grown from an occasional annoyance to a constant  amen to that. Some months ago a letter came from Louis r. Huber of Seattle. I had written that something i forget what was not As easy As it  in negative constructions the gentleman reminded me we should use not so easy As it  several readers have complained of the recurring confusion of that and who As in members of the House that voted last  we ought properly to Reserve that for objects and animals an objection is heard to personal Friend and personal opinion on the reasoning that friends and opinions by nature Are personal. The objection strikes me As Well taken though i can think of contexts in which an extra degree of intimacy could Well be suggested by speaking of a personal Friend. After the opinions of others have been reviewed perhaps there s a place for in my personal opinion Etc. Thinking of things intimate i have a letter from a woman in Asbury Park . Who wishes for some thing belter than have sen As in the tory minister refused to admit having sex with the Call  my correspondent wonders Why sex is constantly Eon fused with gender and she adds that whenever she is faced on a form with sex she always writes in  i suppose the answer is to speak of having sexual relations As preferable to having Intercourse but there in t any wholly satisfactory verb for use in a family newspaper. Tok out Hows 6uichhcs Oul us by Eugene Sheffer across 1 a  org. Lit contains Niico g Hall at yarn 44 Cia s fore runner46 Jane of fact inn Elal. So Indian Battle Criess eggs Down 1 Fox terrier of nimdom2 dullard 3 prefix foe room or Date 4 scolds58 drag along s narrow 57 act Force full reproach pkg ran division 59 table scraps 60 chalet setting61 print units Creek a curve 7 require8 old hags b malay gibbon10 hesitant sounds 11 tiny17 vertical s Opp. Solution time 24 mini. Vote Rosy s Wuwer 12-24 Hubert