European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - March 2, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Married Folk step out alone these Days married people often socialize without their partner. Now a Flat Tuthi photo by Margot Slade new York times Hen it comes to couples social lives a kind of Noah s Ark syndrome has Long hold Sway everything has happened iwo by two theater tickets dinner inflation even friendships. Bolh members of the couple have had 1o go together said Karen Shanor. A clinical psychologist in Washington. Otherwise neither person was considered a valid but Noah s Ark psychologists say is starting to founder on the Shoals of Independence As couples recognize that one of them May be company enough and two. A crowd. Years ago it would have been scandalous for one member of a couple to go somewhere without the other even in that other member were sick said Michael s Broder a clinical psychologist in Philadelphia who specializes in relation Phlps. Now married people Are going All sorts of places alone including out with the change is understandable. It is part of our economic reality Shanor said. More women Are working outside the Home which leads to a degree of economic Independence which results in psychological Independence. People Are also striving toward More egalitarian arrangements in marriage asking does this activity or person suit both of us " this also Means thai husbands and wives Aro developing separate groups of workplace friends said John Guidubaldi a psychology professor at Kent stale University and a family therapist. I had lived on my own for a Long Lime before i married said Madeline Rogers an editorial consultant in Manhattan. I still socialize with the friends i developed then and i did t expect my husband to automatically adopt those friends As his at the same Lime Rogers s husband. Rudolph Palmer a composer and conductor has someone Fin s been close to Tor years and Hoy socialize without me she said adding. To oath have private relationships that to should t eel compelled to Shaio and the other should t feel compelled to to Par til thai s How you retain the Quality of the Friendship said Nick Rullell who is appealing on Broadway in me and my girl its value is in Iho Pavale conversations. A Friendship can include a spouse. Hut it ousts Between the two of you Bui couple Ness 13 a powerful scr Clype. Psychologists say capable of convincing most people Hal in spouses Don t unction logo Thor All inc Lime there is something wrong with if Tom As a couple they May also ear that something is wrong with them As spouses. Lei s say you d prefer not to spend an evening with one of Yorr husband s friends because he s Loo flamboyant Shano said your husband May interpret that As a rejection of the flamboyant part of him and maybe in the danger psychologists say. Is when not wanting to go out with a partner s friends masks a serious problem. Is May be symptomatic of your desire to be single Guidubaldi said or in May make your partner believe that you want to be single and thai can be for friends the appearance of someone sans spouse can Upsel More than a table arrangement. Ii can be very threatening to other couples Shanor said it can Louch a Flore Point in their marriages it can also be interpreted As an Alt ont a Flat out statement Hal your spouse does l like diem " we always know when we Are validating someone else s couple Ness when people insist Hal they won t have me Over unless they can have Jermy too said referring of his wife. Jenny o Hara who appears in the c8s-tv series my sister Sam just Don t read things into this All the Broder said. If your partner does not like socializing with your friends la a not necessarily something dark and profound. Wore Likely it s just that your spouse is honest enough to not want to go someplace where he will not have a Good suit some compromises and nods toward social propriety Are in order psychologists say. You should be honest without being cruel Shanor said. My husband and i have ready made excuses to showing up alone said Jennifer Josephy a senior editor at Little. Brown the Book publisher in Boston. First we used to live in different cities so people Are used to it her husband e. Matthew Miller is a consultant to Trade magazines. We re Bolh in Boston now Josephy said bul my husband still travels and May be out of own or Shanor said you could explain to Bolh spouse and Friend that they have a special relationship and confidences to Exchange and thai your presence would inhibit them end make you feel like an outsider que Dubard suggested that spouses should periodically reaffirm their con pie Ness and friendliness toward others by turning up at a dinner party or two. Consider it a ionic that you Are giving the perception of your relationship he said. Erma Bombeck i called my Mother the Day Afler i got Back from my honeymoon 37 years ago. And i have been calling her everyday Ever since. Velcro thai time weeks would pass and i would never have any Cuno Sily Aslo what the Wathor was like at her House a mile away from my House what she was having for dinner or what she was doing when i called Soni times she would ask me to spell my name. Slowly since none of my kids Calls me just to i can Only assume his is a condition that goes with married life. Once they find a mate my phone will ring of the Hook. Nearly every woman i talk with Seys this is so. Not Only that once there is a grandchild there could be As Many As iwo or three Calls per Day. Depending on How Many times the child makes tinkle or poo poo. Calling one s Mother is a phenomenon most men do nol Page 16 the stars and stripes understand. They regard it As a duly which they perform or something evil will happen to them i can honestly say i did t know my Mother Al All until Mabell came into our lives. Of. I knew her political preference Favole perfume and cold remedy but i never really knew her it look the daily phone Call to learn hat her secret pie Cust came Iron a secret Box in Tho supermarket i had of discover by a slip of the Tongue that she 0d her Billfold in the vegetable crisper of the refrigerator because Only junk food addicts would Rob a House in the Lisl place and would never look under the lettuce. One Day she surprised me by commenting on How kissing on television bothered her. She said they always look like they were chewing on a Ham Sandwich and bit Down on a piece of fat they were trying to get out she admitted one Day that when i was is months old. She was bathing me and i fell Oft the table. She never sold anyone in Case i was t right and she did t monday March 2,1987 want to Lake the blame for it. I know never to Call her until Tho stove is turned off i have gone to the bathroom and have eaten within three hours. No matter hat we Mare talked 24 hours earlier there is always something in say some things Lake longer than others there s nothing going on Here takes 45 minutes to relate. I m just going out the door lakes 35 minutes. I can Only la a five minutes. My soap comes on requires in minutes something s burning. I have to Check the stove lakes 12 minutes. Ill just Tell you this Story and i be got to run is compressed into 15 minuses neither of us has an answering machine technology in t ready for us be =1 1917. Lot Wangdu fund sync it
