European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 15, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 the stars and stripes Friday. May 15, 1987 columns there s something about a cot Brand Rooney i have never met a cat i liked. As an animal Lover i m constantly disappointed with myself when there a cat around. Don t think i Haven t tried to love cats because have. 1 always try to win their affection or at the very least try to establish some kind of relationship nothing. A cat will walk on my Lap jump on a table next to me where my Host has put a dish of com chips or rub against my leg but there is never an warmth in the cat s gesture. He likes you the Host will say. Well if those cats i be met like me they have a strange Way of showing it. If i got the kind of Alec lion from the people i like that eel from the cat whose owners think they like me i o leave Home. Cat owners Are aroused by things their Call do that Don t amuse me at All. 1 am not at All inclined to laugh when a cat walks in my potato chips or Plant sits claws in my clothes the better to climb onto my hostile Lap. He can jump from the top of the refrigerator to the shelf in the pantry the cat Lover Tays u if it was one of the most desirable thing in the world to have a House pet do. Cassandra the owner will say sharply to the cat with the cute name. Get Down Cassandra cats have come to my mind today because i just read a newspaper article that said cats Are Row More numerous As pets in american households than dogs. There Are 56 million cats and 51 million dogs according to the article although i Don l know How they got the cats id stand still Long enough to be counted. The Story used the word it said cats Are More popular As pets than thai is ridiculous. Cats May be More numerous than dogs but it does t mean they re More popular. Easier to take care of maybe. Inclined to reproduce quickly and enlarge litters certainly but if cats Are More popular than the greatest animals Thiol inhabit Earth then Iam More disappointed than usual in the human race. I want to be honest with you i hate everything about cats. Cat owners go a Long Way looking for ways to Praise them we never have any mice not with Cassandra around the owner says with Pride. No i say and you never have any Birds it s True. Cassandra would just As soon torture a Hummingbird to death As kill a things is Cassandra s idea of having j Good Lime. For my part i prefer mice to cats. At Easl mice Don t climb in my Lap. What worries me most is no cats but people. If people prefer cats la dogs How can we Trust them to choose a president c to noting made services learning from Hart s experience the Only thing we can do now is learn from Gary Han s experience. These Are the rules that any presidential candidate should follow do not go on a picnic with someone name Donna. Do not go Down a dark Alley with a person named Rice. Do not Lake anyone Back to your House after dark to show her the improvements you made in the ceiling. Never sail to the Island of Bimini when the customs Shack is closed. Do not autograph your Book to an individual who is liable to show it on an air plane to her fellow a mergers. If a woman wants to work in your Campaign Tell her you re All filled and have no room for even one More Volunteer. Do not Tell phone and ask her Lojkin you for a strategy meeting to discuss How to get the singles vote. There is no such thing As a free weekend. It can con Preiti Deolus candidate a lot particularly if he ten lonely and Joe Over 10 hit beat Friend Home 10nave a quiet dinner for four. Just because nothing happened Between you andean unmarried woman does not mean that nothing happened. Did happen if it gets reported in the press. Therefore the Only one who should be allowed to visit you on the weekends when your wife is cot there is the plumber. It is absolutely essential that the candidate never say to the press if you think i m a Womanizer Why Don t you follow me and see for yourself the Rea son for this is Loo obvious to explain during a Tough presidential Campaign do not play cards with anybody named Bill especially if he knows a lot of attractive people in Miami. If you have ignored All of the above and the press takes after you then you have to do the following Call a press conference and deny anything that you arc accused of. Tell them you Are guilty of bad judgment but you Are clean As the driven Snow. Offer a Reward to anyone who can prove otherwise. Attack All press stakeout Asun american and beneath the dignity of a political Campaign. Say you Don t care for yourself but you worry about the american Farmer and people who Are on social Secu Rity. If that does t work admit you were guilty of something or other and if you had it to do All Over again you would go to a Baltimore orioles double header and order a hot dog Insl iad. The question of your presidential qualification May come up. If it does insist you ire a better presidential candidate now than you were yesterday be cause you weathered a crisis. Finally if nothing works you can always say Imade mistakes bul they were mistakes of the today s crossword acbo9s 36 the down1 Manx . 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