European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - June 17, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 column the stars and stripes wednesday june 17.1987 today s crossword real Hospital not like to version Brand Rooney i went into the Hospital for surgery. Doctors and hospitals Are making it very difficult for patients. How was i going to get any sympathy from my friends when the doctors were planning to Send me Home the Day after they Cut into me i know what s wrong. Doctors and nurses Aren t watching enough television movies about themselves so they Don t know How they re supposed to act. The rest of us Are familiar with How hospitals look and How doctors and nurses behave because we watch television. The bottles Are hanging from the rack with tubes leading into the patient. There Are always nurses and doctors around. Very often some dramatic incident takes place. Maybe an intruder comes in with a gun or the patient s first wife appears demanding that the patient rewrite his will. If something dramatic happened in my Hospital room i missed it because they had sent me Home already. My operation would t have made much of a movie and if i d had the hernia repaired three years ago when i first realized i had it i d have saved myself three years of worrying. You won t be surprised to hear that i had one of the most outstanding surgeons in the country. I have hardly Ever heard of a surgeon who was not consid ered to be one of the most outstanding in the country by his patients and mine was no exception. The Only thing that worried me was that my hernia was such a minor bit of surgery for such a serious surgeon that he would t give the Job his full attention. The doctor told me i d be having a spinal injection that Deaden everything below the Waist but no general aesthetic. Here is another Case of my doctor not watch ing enough television. In the movies part of the drama fan operation is that View of the oxygen bag inflating and deflating As the patient breathes. The doctor darts glances at the nurse. We see the bag. The nurse glances with alarm at the doctor. The bag starts inflating and deflating fitfully. It s High drama in surgery there Are certain things i d rather not know and i Hope my doctor did t feel that because i m a reporter he should have Given me a running account of what he was doing. I Trust him. Several Yean ago my Friend Walter Dombrow one of the great cameramen in my business had a heart attack. Walter has filmed just about everything at one time or another and As he Lay on the table in the doctor s office the doctor advised him he ought to have heart bypass surgery. Walter was not enthusiastic. It s really nothing Walter his doctor said. Heart bypass surgery has become routine. There s nothing to Walter looked up at the doctor and said. Don t give me that Doc. I be filmed three of them. I did what i could to prepare for my operation. I brought the heavy Generator engine up out of the basement and put it in the Back of the car because i wanted to take it to the country when i got out of the Hospital and i would t be Able to lift it then. It prob ably was t Good for me to lift it before either because it weighs 117 pounds but i figured thai As Long As i was getting my hernia fixed anyway it would t Cost me any More if i made it a Little worse. Bul a form to fill out for the Hospital. Frankly i be never been Clear about which medical plan pays for what. Although one thing i know for sure is that no matter How much insurance i have any operation is still going to Cost me Money. All i can say is it was a Good thin i had one of the most outstanding surgeons in the United states. What follows Are some Hospital notes set Down in moderate pain two Days after surgery. That whole control Tower Over a Good Hospital bed is magnificent i d like to have the world at my touch in my bed at Home. The phone is Handy. The television set is there. You can Call the nurse or adjust the bed into All sorts of different positions. That s want i want for Christmas. For those of you who have never been operated on or who Haven t been operated on in years i m pleased to be Able to report some Progress. They no longer shave you before a hernia operation or at least my doctor did t this if a great technological Advance. I always thought shaving was nonsense in some cases anyway. Hospital care must vary All the Way from great to terrible. This Hospital in Norwalk conn., must be one of the Best i be been in Hospital As a patient and As a visitor where you could never attract the attention of a nurse. Here everything i could possibly have asked for has been anticipated by them. The Man next door and the woman across the Hall Are getting absolutely the Sune attention i be already paid my Bill so that commercial won t save me any Money. I had two complaints about the Hospital. Too Many form fillers asked me the same questions and i could t get breakfast or even Coffee until 9 . They must have been Over reacting to an the hospitals that used to serve breakfast at 6 ., lunch at 11 . And dinner at 4 30 . I wanted to have a cup of Coffee before i was wheeled downstairs for a gallstone sonar inspection. I was lying there at 8 55 ., craving a cup of Coffee when a nurse came and said Good Luck they can take you downstairs at 9 ." i went without my Coffee. The gallstone review was interesting. I was positioned so i could see the screen. It was Only supposed Totake a few minutes but the technician kept going Over and Over the same area shaking his head i know badness when i see it i figured i had huge gallstones. Can t see he said finally. Your Gall bladder is in a strange position. Maybe that s the realized then that the technician s defeat was my Victory. He had been unable to get a positive result on his magic machine and Felt frustrated. I Felt delighted. I know it suggests men and women have different qualities and my comment might therefore be considered sexist but women make great nurses. For All i know women might make better doctors too. They seem to care. Most patients leave their doors open in Hospi tals. I m not sure Why. I like my door closed. If i m in pain or discomfort i m not interested in sharing it. 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