European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 16, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns backyard cookout had Down Home flavor by John Windrow Magazine cd Tor my pal frenchy he wire editor invited me to come Over and eat some food the other afternoon. It s like having he curator of the louvre ask you to come by and see some Art. He like to eat the French one does. So it was with great expectations thai i drove Over to French place. He lives in this tiny Village near the Rhein. I can t spell or pronounce the name but it sounds like goats Are dying if you say it with the words All slurred together frenchy was in the Yard wearing a new Orleans saints to shirt Orange and purple Bermuda shorts Tiajuana sandals made out of junked car tires and a Bright yellow Cap thai said cat in vivid Green letters. There was another Guy with him. He was bigger than frenchy but shaped the same extra Large in All directions with shoulders like a professional wrestler hands like a Dock worker feel like a Chicago Bear tackle and the kind of stomach that one usually sees bullying up to the bar. He had on a Lime Green Leisure suit a. Red to shirt that said Elvis is lord and Cowboy boots made out of Lizard skin my baby brother Boomer s visiting for a spell frenchy said. He s dodging lady trouble Back in new Orleans and decided to come Over to Europe to soak up some greetings and hallucinations Boomer said sticking his big hand out to me. I started to shake it then noticed he was offering me a business card. It was red White and Blue with a logo that looked like a car Radiator. The slogan read. Don t get excited Call United. Boomer drives a cab in new Orleans frenchy said Best cab Driver Between Biloxi and Houston Boomer reached into a iced Down Beer cooler. Have a Jax he said "1 brought pm clean from new Orleans so frenchy could have some decent Beer Over Here in Thiol was real thoughtful of yol i said. Did you bring any potatoes naw 1 did to Boomer said. You should told me you needed pm i old you what it was that i was needing frenchy said sipping on his Jax. Boomer turned his hands up with the Palms out rolled his big head and shrugged very slowly rather like a Bear cautiously stretching himself after a Long Winter s Nap. A sack of oysters he said. How you supposed o gel a sack o oysters checked onto a plane they d a thought i was one of those lebanese Guys with a bag Fula hand grenades frenchy had the Grill fired up and started Pili no on hamburgers bratwurst Franks pork chops and a Chicken. The Grill was White hot and a steamy pungent spicy Aroma washed Over us in the heat it smelted like red wine paprika Salt Pepper Mustard soy sauce chilis garlic and onions. What you been marinating the meat in i asked him this and that frenchy said just this ind so you been having lady trouble i said to Boomer lady lawyer trouble Boomer said sipping on his Beer the worst frenchy stuck Bis head so close to the meat his face turned Cherry red and the Edge of his Beard singed and curled crazily in a thousand directions. I Don t see How you broke up with such a Nice girl he said. Yeah Nice girl Boomer said she threw acid on my cab. Have another acid 1 said. Boomer nodded sadly. Ate the paint right off the Hood he said right Down to the Bare Metat. She put sugar in the Gas tank too Boomer said but i noticed before it worked us Way Inlo the Sweet girl i saw. Yeah we broke up and she s a Law student see and she s in with All these big fish lawyers Back there. I was afraid they might All sue me or something so i came Over to visit we re a close frenchy said the last Lime he came to see me was when he deserted from the Navy Boomer grinned. My shipmate s car was outlaw Gas he said there was All these Navy vehicles silting out on the frenchy picked up a pork chop Tore a bite out of it looked satisfied and started piling the meal on a Platter. They caught him walking around the pier with a Siphon Hose and a bucket and gasoline on his breath frenchy said around his Mouthful of food. Boomer turned his Palm up. That s All he said and they thought they had a Case. Bui 1 did t desert i went Back and did bread and did you read the Bible any while you were in the Brig 1 said. Most of the Guys i knew who did Brig time read the i flipped through it looking for the pictures Boomer said. You know i tried to go Back in the Navy a few years ago. 1 told pm i wanted to get Buck in and work my Way up to officer. They weren t real interested. And me with All that we sat Down to eat and it was hot spicy too much and delicious like Home. Boomer complimented me on bringing wine that had corks instead of Metal Caps. You can Cut yourself on those Metal Caps he said. Boomer planned logo up to Frankfurt and ride around in a cab taking in the sights. He wan going to take his own Jax in a cooler. I think i May never become cosmopolitan european Wise. Guys Tiki Boomer make me homesick. Cherish the books but accept All gifts graciously by miss manners untied feature Syndicate dear miss manners my daughter will won be 3 years old and i am planning o have a birthday party or her i there a polite Way to Tell the guest if hey Are planning to bring gifts to bring books for her she rut a dote full of fluffed a Ninab fhe never play with gentle Reader there is a Way to do this but miss manners won t Tell you what it is unless you Promise not to allow this child to grow up with the idea that she can dictate her wedding presents and demand Cash payments on graduations and anniversaries on the grounds that she does t want All thai junk that people might think of to give her. Is that agreed for childhood birthday use Only you May declare a literary theme party. Send out invitations with pictures of books of characters from children s books and Call it something cute such As a Little great books that should give them the idea. But of yes miss manners has one More request. Teach your daughter thai she must Welcome All presents with equal warmth. Dear miss manners i in a 23-Yru-Ou physically disabled wheelchair Man who has been seeing a lady Semi regularly for the put four years. Recently she informed me thai she it getting married to another Guy she has already verbally invited Itu to he wedding several to me but 1 know it will be too painful for me to attend. Despite my feelings the marriage is the Best for her. How i Hnud i formally respond to her invitation gentle Reader formally. It is exactly to avoid having o explain personal complicated and sometimes painful feelings hat we have such formalities. When the written invitation arrives you need merely respond that you regret being unable to accept dear miss manners please Ell me the proper Way to order in a restaurant. Do you Tell the waiter your choke of entree first followed by the Choice of soup and appetizer or do you order the Way the food appear on the menu appetizer soup and Ihen main course or does it matter what the order is a Long u you pay the Bill gentle Reader if you Don t pay the Bill nothing else matters does it you see miss manners dealt with the last pan of your question first and not very sensibly at that. But you like your waiter can probably sort things out. It is slightly easier 011 your waiter if you order in order. But most people decide on the main course before choosing what they plan to eat first and All waiters Are smart enough to allow for that by leaving space to write in the ealier courses. Dear miss manners i am a Camp manager and this year we have new Junior count Lon who Are volunteering Many hours and their Talenti. Some of their concent Are How to Deal with rude Campert who Barge into your room while you Are dealing with a troubled homesick child How to Deal Wilh repeated que Lioni when it i impossible to give the answer without violating someone s privacy. What to do with Campen who respond with uncalled for comments or ref Tali when asked to carry out shared responsibilities of Camp the Inch As room twee Pungor meal cleanup. Haw to Deal firmly with hysterical girls who overreact to Power failures and bugs. Gentle Reader this is All one question but it is a difficult one How do you establish authority Over children while maintaining a warm and non forbidding attitude there is no simple trick. Your Junior Counselor Wio have to learn through practice that a self confident air of being in command that discourages disobedience and rudeness is not incompatible Wilh kindness and sensitivity. With that attitude it is simple to Tell the Barger in excuse me we re Busy Here you la have to come Back later the questioner i m sorry but i m not going to answer that the shirker you must do your share As we All do and the hysteric Calm Down you have to learn to Deal Wilh these r ave 3 question or Fique Tref write to Mia manners i care of the sixt and Stripe Apo o92tt, your question will be Fow jaded to her. Hits manners regret that she fan Only ans wer questions in her column. Tori part Enugu fit Juty it. 1907
