European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 18, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Frustrating expensive Fri by Esther b. Fein new York times the personals in american magazines an newspapers Tell hundreds or stories of people eager to Mel each other in Tho cily. So Doire men and women at bars health clubs and arlies thrown by religious groups alumni associations and people trying to bring their single friends loge Lher. In now York City. Hero arc More than 2.s million unmarried people Over the age of 20, bul dozens of single men and women in new York said in interviews that meeting and dating has become a More and More tru Straling expensive even frightening experience and one that is Ollen unsuccessful together they described several la Clors that make this a particularly Dilfia Ojill time to socialize in new York City new York is expensive single people arc often caught Between tiny costly apartments that Are unsuitable for entertaining and clubs and restaurants they cannot afford gelling ahead in new York requires almost manic attention to work leaving Little free Lime. Foam of crime often mate people particularly women less open to meeting strangers and governs decisions about when they go out the increasing awareness of aids among heterosexuals is chilling the new York social scene. Nearly All of the people interviewed also talked of an attitude among single people in the City one marked by cynicism egotism and a tendency to prejudge strangers that further strains the process of dating. Although most agreed that 11 was possible to meet and Dale in new York they said it required greater attention and Elfort than in other cities. A movie Lickel in new York costs about e6 Broadway shows Are about $35 a person and Oil Broadway around $22.50. Dinner for two at a res Laurall runs on the average More than $30 and can often be As much As $100. Bul before Lay even begin to calculate the cos of an evening Oul in new York single men and women have to allocate a Hefly portion of their salaries for Basic living expenses primarily rent. Although i960 census statistics indicate thai Iho average single person living atone in new York pays about 30 percent of his or her salary toward housing most people interviewed said Iney spent substantially More frequently As High As 50 per cell. It s a lot harder to live in new York than other cities said or. Richard Charney. An  Al Belh Israel Hospital to live Colmor ably in new York and to have Money left Lor a social life you be got 1o be very Lucky or very successful " to stretch their Money Many single people live in Small apart cols. Which have Little room Lor entertaining or Wilh roommates who can impinge on a Romance there s a lol of doubling up on Paf Imenes even among friends of mine in their Lale 30s or 40s." said Sieve Doloff a 38ycar-old English teacher Al Pratt tvs Lille. That can really cramp you " affording an apartment is so dil cult Hal it causes some to make romantic decisions based on real estate relationships Are often prolonged or hurried along based on leases and apartment availability. In new York a relationship has three entities Doloff said the Man. The woman and the apartment i be had women ask to move in with me on the third Date they say they like to. But they also Nied a place to live. That s not a sound basis for a relationship and some singles complained thai because new York is so expensive Many men and women set out to find wealthy males frustrating those Wilh modest incomes it s such an expansive City in Makos finding a Guy Wilh big Bucks More attractive said Neil Friedman a 39-year old Public relations executive and writer and it works the other Way too. Money is just Loo important  the desire to live up to All that s available Lor a Price in new York also makes less costly and less glamorous acl Viltes see walks through the Park or eating in seam mundane when done More than occasionally. Richard Gerber a divorced Man who is director of development Lor alumni affairs at the Columbia University school of social work said that at ago 38, to does t want to bring a woman Home and have a pizza on the  it s new York he Sard. You want to show More sophistication. Maybe if of Crone ale pizza Al Home it would be easier for All of us " keeping abreast professionally in new York is demanding. Wilh Many of the lop people in communications fashion arts and finance working in n hum Portt fool crime Otto a ten people a it it open to mailing . The City becoming successful Sheie requires Long arduous hours at he office. Such Devotion May bring professional rewards but Many single people said their social lives Are crowded by the demands of making in in new York. Dating is limited to weekends sometimes Only to one night. Friendships Are Kepi up by Telephone. I Don t see the friends i have very often said Debra Medowar a 27-year-old Public relations Coo Una executive i keep up with them on the phone or Wilh their phone machines. That s not really a social Lite and that limits the Chance you May have for meeting friends of  Michelle a 31-year-old sales executive for a television network described a work till you drop Atli Lude that she could not escape in new York and Hal depleted her of Energy to socialize during the week. When she went to interview for jobs in other cities Mary throne a Law student Al Columbia said people seemed less obsessed with their careers and had a More balanced approach to Iho amount of time considered reasonable to devour a to it. There is tha notion in new York that work is the primary focus of life throne said. When i interviewed for jobs in other cities Hoy were More family oriented. The whole work ethic was less  in some cities whore one Industry dominates. Work seems to loser socializing in Washington for example life revolves around the government and in los Angeles around movie making. People indifferent professions Deal Wilh those main industries and there is a lol of work related socializing. In new York there Are so Many industries Hal people in one Man s words Don t logically come into each other s orbits when they do have a nigh i free from work some single new yorkers said they find them slaves More critical of their company i work very hard during regular business hours and Aller said Todd Kessler 28, director of development for movies and television Al Scholastic productions. If i Meel someone and there s no spark. I won t want to waste another night with them usually this causes a debate within myself As to whether i am prejudging people or being Tough. Bul it s hard not to when you work so hard and have limited  the question some single people said they pose to themselves is Are they working so hard Only to get ahead or because socializing is so difficult thai the office is an Atli Calivo alternative i fully understand that Many people eel they re taxed so hard at work the just want logo Home and have to  Kessler said but that s a sad commentary on new York " fear of Crima affect All aspects of new yorkers lives where they live How they dress How they travel and How they socialize. As a Mailer of pre Lection Many single people especially women said they fell constrained about where and How Lale they could go out. They measure whether a party or a dinner is Worth a lending they figure the expense of a cab ride if an even will end tale or in they fave to travel alone i m pretty  said throne. I can l go out alone Aller dark sometimes. It s just easier to stay Home especially if in seems Tike a party is just going Page 14 the stars and stripes saturday july