European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 27, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Deceptive self images by Daniel Goleman new York timezone major psychological theory holds that people construe a self image from their judgements or he impressions they make on others. But thai edifice May be a shaky one people Are remarkably poor judges of inc Way they really impress others a recent study shows. Their research a simulation of situations like Job interviews first Dales or parties Speaks not Only to that urgent personal question what kind of impression did i make but also the query on the other Side of inc encounter does he realize whal a fool he is making of himself in the Experiment reported recently in the journal of personality anti social psychology College students were Pul in groups of six Ali of them strangers. The students spent iwo hours together in a series of tasks including one student s acting As teacher o another and the playing o a word guessing game like television s password. There was also a discussion of moral dilemmas such As which of 10 needy people should be Given Access to the Only three available kidney dialysis machines. At several Points in the two hours the students rated one another. They also made a guess As to the impression hey were making on the others the students were olten wrong in their ideas of the impression they were making Depaulo said. She filed the overriding Norm of politeness As a major reason Tor this. People just do not Tell you when you Are making a fool of yourself they simply Lei in pass in silence she said. Things go More smoothly that furthermore people Are generally poor at seeing through such social deception Depaulo has found in earlier research even when people Are with those they know Well Popalo believes they May assume they Are making one impression when they ate really making another. Even friends Are reluctant to express negative impressions she said. People rarely gel accurate information about the negative impressions they May be on the other hand people who have social anxiety might Lake heart from the findings. Social anxiety is the single most common psychological problem affecting As Many As 40 percent of adults studies have found. At a party with strangers for instance., three quarters of adults feel anxiety. Those people in the Experiment who were most socially anxious had the most negative views of the impression they wore making on the others. As Tho Experiment went on. The conviction that they were inept and unlikable grew steadily. But the evaluations by the others showed that they were liked far More than they assumed. Coping with failure roads to recovery Bonadine Brozan new York times to would have expected Linda Gottlieb to be fired from her Job inducted into Phi Beta Kappa at Wellesley College Winner of three emmy awards and a Peabody author of a novel and a longtime film maker she had gone from one professional achievement to another for All of her working Iilo but in 1984 she was dismissed from her position As executive vice president of High Gale productions a television and educational film company by the Man Wilh whom she had founded the concern. Suddenly she found herself wearing a new Label failure her Friend Carole Hyall. Who had endured what she considered a devastating failure a year earlier stepped in with consoling words and practical advice. For her. The failure had been More Subtle halt had owned a marketing and social behaviour research firm for 18 years when her Parl or died of a heart attack. Shortly Afler she sold the business. On the outside that looked Good what a Clever person to be Able to sell a company but i had done it because i though i could t do in alone Hyall said. Alter the Sale i lost my self esteem my social status my Confidence that i could Ever get new As the two women grappled with their fears and feelings they realized that although plenty of help was available on Job search strategies the topic i failure or what people consider to be failure was rarely h Ever Erma Bombeck discussed in fhe United states. Failure is the ultimate taboo subject Gottlieb said luring a recent join interview in her Manhattan apartment there was nothing to read on the subject nothing to explain what we would go through and How to get through so they collaborated on when smart people fail Simon and schuster $16.95which will be published in paperback by Viking Penguin next april. Book on failure Tea ultimate taboo jute it according to stall slice compiled in Way by the depart Mph of labor 3.6 million people were out of work because of Job loss. Others fail in ways that Are often not recorded statistically entrepreneurs go out of business Farmers lose their farms actors do not get roles. In new York Many executives and employees Are abruptly dismissed because of mergers or acquisitions in television recent Belt tightening has caused several Waves of layoffs. The women interviewed 176 people who fell they had failed at some Point among them Waller Cronkite William l. Shirer Polly Bergen George Mcgovern and Clare Boothe Luce. The subjects 90 percent of them while 10 percent Black or hispanic were Well educated Middle or upper Middle class and had Socolic skills. The authors conclusion Gotilieb said was there is no such thing As failure. Failure is the judgment of an event the Way you see loss of a Job the closing of a Bui before failure can be conquered there Are emotional stages through which individuals must pass. Just As there Are clearly defined stages in mourning a death there Are stages n this process Gottlieb said. There is Shock. There is ear anger blame shame and despair. People can become stuck at any one of these Points most often in blame. But it is necessary to mourn and absorb the blow. You need to Analyse Why there was a of Aisuke Foini frat it and than move on to discover options. We All have the trouble with a family is they re so. So daily. Everyone has the run of the House and it s impossible to find a place to be alone. They need such a place. So do i. There Are some things i want to do without an audience. Do you have any idea How ridiculous you feel when you think you have the House to yourself and you turn up a recording of Liza rvs Nelli to 97 decibels you have already lip synced the first two choruses of new York new Yak end now you re Down to the big finish. You Are strutting now kicking your legs higher than the Coffee table and warbling if i can make in there. I d make it when one of the kids is framed in the doorway and says if you re going to do an encore 1 can come so much Lor fantasies the bathroom used to be As cosh to privacy As anyone Siciu to in a Home since it s the Only room in the House that has a door that locks. Page 16 the stars and stripes still one night i was in front of the Mirror rehearsing my and Libs for a meeting of the four seasons Garden club. And now i said i d Eika to introduce you to a woman who needs no introduction. But insisted upon it. Laugh laugh the next president of the pot bound Aux Zuary Esther Hil aside. Thank you. Erma. Let s give Eima a hand. She s always a Delight. We a begin by answering Roll Call with our favorite the magic was destroyed when my husband hammered on the door and yelled who Are you talking to men have their garages. Kids have their bedrooms that no one enters due to health restrictions. But mothers rarely have a Comer where they can slip out of sight for a few hours and talk to themselves. In the classic Book. Please Don t eat the daisies its author Jean Ken. Used to hide our the car. Sometimes driving to the Gas station and parking in monday july 27,1987 front of the air pump i spend a fair amount of time in the car. Browsing through the gauges resetting the clock dusting the radio buttons and playing with the Side mirrors. Sometimes if i m spotted from the House i even Start the car and leave the driveway. Even that is risky. I was tooling Down the Boulevard singing with Melissa Manchester the other morning As we go to the Long note my Mouth was Wyto open and my face was flushed when 1 stopped for a fight glanced Al the Man in the car next to me who was staring in Hon or. I had me feeling he was ready to Dpi 311 on tis cellular phone so i feigned a Yawn. He seemed satisfied and drove off. I just got a new Tina Turner single. I m not going to play in until i m sure everyone is out of town and i can lock All the door s and get into in. The family is worried sick about a now. It lot ant Ltd timid synd ult
