European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 10, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Reducing rivalry among siblings by Jane e. Brody new York times irl. 5 years old. To Mother 6ul that s nol fair. You read to him list last night " Mother to daughter 13 Why can l you be More like your sister7 Sha s always boy. 6, to brother. 8 that s my Ball give it Back daddy Houghl it Lor me " exchanges like these can be heard in millions of american households where children vie for their Nihls. Their individuality and their parents love and Allenton but the Way parents handle such rivalries often determines nol Only How Well Brothers and Sisters get along in childhood and beyond but also How each child feels about himself and his parents Parons inadvertently or Somel Irnes Deli Craley. Foster Competition Between siblings or lock their children info roles for example calling one the neat and punctual child and another a disorganized dreamer. This can create an emotionally inhibiting environment that limits a child s development and can also cause resentments that Block Loving cooperative relations among the children. The ill effects can be Lelong Adele Faber and Elmo Mazlish report the words of adults they interviewed for their excellent Book siblings without rivalry w w Norton 1987. $14 95 to this Day there s tension Between us to this Day we can t seem to relate " to this Day i fool something is wrong if i m not being the Lunny one. The neat one Tho responsible one " life is nol always easy Lor the favored sibling As one Man in a workshop Lor parents recalled my parents always praised me for Heing the most responsible one. And i lived up to their a pct Lions but it came Al a Price to this Day my brother and sister still play helpless and i in Slucy i h All the family problems " in typecasting children parents can i Harl their development Lor example by urging music lessons Only for the talented child and encouraging sports Only for but most serious Are the Cui Truar a dairies by Henna and physical lighting that can create a of not just for siblings bul Lor their parents As Well i will never to rect the helpless hurry a on my Mother s face As she watched her children Chase each other through Iho House. My brother a Kitchen kilo and a hot Iron the weapons w Are More to intimidate than cause harm but she did i know thai then there was the Day my brother look a Bike and Over my objections teas ugly roue it pact me several times on the third or fourth round i grabbed the Handlebar and he crashed headlong into a tree suffering g severe concussion these frightening childhood i prompted me to enforce a Clcil no lighting i Opipare nol to f gust 10, 1987 now York time Phulo play time parents sometimes unknowingly toilet Competition Between sittings or lock children into rotes. Hitting stance with my twin sons. I also realize now Hal my brother s unrelenting Tea Sirj was encouraged by parental comparisons i was repeatedly Heid up to him As a Paragon of achievement and he struck Back As Best to could my husband and i resisted Tom platoons to compare our children one with the other and we Isis cd that intends and relatives follow suit when one of the boys once complained no fair my husband responded life is not Lair we try to be Lair but you arc two different people and you can t be i scaled exactly Tho the boys now 17, encourage and cooperate each other but Don i compete athletically 01 academically each seems genuinely proud of Chr other s achievement the authors of siblings Wii Lipitt rivalry who conduct workshops far parents on Long Island offer do ens of practical guideline and real lilo examples for Somo. Coop Ortive relic Jun Jii Foj Imd Lor straightening out those of Reader Arview Avo a comparison1, other unfavourable or la Orabie Una adorable companions r even the baby i Man you Are i might prompt one child to Drc or Iii can i a the Best i la be Iho to Beseril the better sibling Anil to go in Routi life measuring it Ynselt against others favourable comparisons your brother was As organized As you Are can of planning her birthday in Toad of proclaiming that you love your children All the same Tell each Why you love and value him acknowledge children s neg alive feelings about their siblings not until the bad feelings come Oul can the Good one flow in. According to the child psychologist Dorothy Baruch you can l insist that your children love or even like each other but you can help create an atmosphere thai makes love possible encourage children to express their bad Lee hangs in words or pictures or even a puppet show let them write dowry everything they Hale As yell As like Ghoul a brother or sister discourage destructive hurtful Bailies pay attention nol to the aggressor but to the injured child not. Why Are you always so mean to your drollier1 but imply your brother wants his Ball Back when lights develop acknowledge the children s an of inward enrol or a Lisle a to both aides arid Cypress appreciation of Ihu diff Cully of the problem i that s a Tough one Botti of you to ride Iho swing .11 the Sarnau Limu j e a try to Rui Olvo oni Liilo vill l f Thi Vannur and the or i a the i.-. And t to a ire Iurii i a Light in a film ii Icci a dangerous k Vel pare it Nulud Iriton inc i in it is a Pia fight 01 a real i tit. A i in k thu Nliif insist that it Stop Immediato ii the Chil Tien Are at it to hurl Pat a tire a they Tiu i e sent la i Caratu rooms to Cool off Ivy ii ctn Dren tin t scan to Soi a conflict t y churn ii la Scall a Nii it Iraq with Elf Hii Tiu write t inti Field 5 let fangs ant concern read Ihorn aloud anal a rebut the other s comments then invite Ovi Ryoyu to c pm up Wilh solution Dnn All sugrjostion1 in Cifen soul mar. Ail of Yuu can Iive Aioli and Sec that Trie Are Cairn d Oul the stars and stripes Page 15
