European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 27, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns any excuse will do for a party but garlic  in fun  " after one tight nine Quick Lasle. Folks threw away a by John Windrow Magazine editor i had a buddy in the Navy who swore he once helped carry on a three Day party in Missouri because someone decided in was Woody Woodpecker s birthday. Such a thing could easily take place in Germany bul of course with better planning if you get i to germans Oge Lher in one place they la form a club. After they gel another member or iwo they la decide to hold a Fesl. Aside from the several Hundred Legal holidays celebrated every year German Are forever holding fests in Honor of Beer wine All creatures great and Small animal Mineral or vegetable fanciful or factual. Soil was no real Surprise to me when my pal frenchy asked me to accompany him to a garlic festival. I like to celebrate things As much As the next Man bul i Don t think it would have eve occurred to me to run out into the Street and shout for garlic. But i be been o onion festivals and enjoyed them so i guess gelling everybody together in Praise of garlic is the next logical step. We arrived by Streetcar. Frenchy had brought along Mil frenchy and their two kids Bruno and Laverne. As soon As we alighted from the Streetcar huge women in traditional peasant costume draped leis of garlic around our necks. Frenchy who will eat anything that won t eat him first immediately began to Munch on his As we walked to the first Row of Booths. People were everywhere eating drinking and buying All manner of doodads do hickeys baubles trinkets Gim cracks and Knickknacks. Frenchy picked up Bruno who is 4, and held him close. Bruno my Brave he said we re going to luvs some fun  Bruno took a  of Gilic Hrc Iilah full in the face into Malleti his eyes and let his Little Tongue hang out of the Siik of Hii Mouth. He kid to be put Down. He and Laverne  up to i to first Booth which was Selling ice Cream and demanded refreshments Frt thy tried to put them off temporarily and they set up j chm or. Looked ill Fie sign and read Knoblauch Eis Good god i thought to myself they re Selling garlic  Little Laverne had butted me in the Groin once and i d never forgotten it. Wait a minute frenchy old pal i said. Let me treat the  frenchy thought that was mighty Fine of me and i bought two Cones. Bruno is More cautious than most kids and he hesitated but Laverne who is 5, took an enormous lick. She got a look on her face like someone had just put an ice cube Down her dress and her hair kind of stood straight up and then went Limp. Bruno quickly handed his to his dad. Frenchy took a la car then another and another. He looked at me with a puzzled expression. I took a lick myself. I really Don l know How to describe the effect. I think if a mule with cold feel walked across your Tongue in would leave a similar taste in your Mouth. Laverne was hollering that she had to have a cola being merciful i bought her one and she threw her head Back trying to gargle the taste away. Frenchy manfully finished both Cones. I never dreamed of All the uses people could scheme up for garlic. At the Booths men hawked a Board game that involved vampires and cloves of garlic. The garlic chased the bloodsuckers away. One game of Chance consisted of rolling garlic like Dice Over a wooden Board. People wearing garlic t shirts sold Beer. Drinking Beer is what any German fest is really about. We Hung around the Beer tent sipping suds and watching people try the garlic ice Cream. Invariably they headed directly for the Beer stand after lightning Quick taste  of  ice Cream that Day. We hid a Vitric cake garlic pie snails in garlic butter Spanish ome lets filled with garlic and Steak smothered in garlic sauce Thi French one tends to become boisterous at these events sort of like a dog that suddenly finds himself alone in the meal department of a supermarket. Al one Point he a is standing in the Sun drinking garlic schnapps and eating a baked potato covered with garlic sour Cream and chives. His eyes were getting a Little red. You could put garlic sour Cream and chives on a dead ral frenchy said and i d eat it. And you can quote  frenchy Miz frenchy said think of the  Bruno and Laverne held their Forks in midair looking at their baked potatoes and thinking about dead rodents. He ordered another garlic schnapps which looked like Moonshine with Little buds of garlic floating in he bottle. I want you to Call me tomorrow about 8a.m., frenchy said. I want to know whal the morning after feels like when you be been awash in garlic  ill Tell you one thing right now frenchy said. The vampires Are going to slay away from me  they re not the Only ones Miz frenchy said rolling her eyes. We had another round at the Beer Lent and then i promised Laverne i would win her a prize at the shooting gallery. I Felt remorseful about the garlic ice Cream. I won her a Beautiful key Chain with a plastic German Flag attached for Only Abouhov Marks she thanked me dropped in and Bruno stepped on in. Easy come easy go. I even had my picture taken standing next to a Man who was dressed up like a Clove of garlic. All in All it was swell. And i be got much More respect for garlic than i had a week ago. Have yourself a Fine wedding dear but Don t sing by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners do you think in would be appropriate forme to ing at my own wedding if not what about at the reception 1 thought to would be quite romantic to Ting the first Timpf Lysitt your octto my Fiance he loves it when i in and i think be would be really touched i have Sung with a lot of Amateur groups and i think i am pretty talented. Gentle Reader this is an idea that sounds a lot More charming in the bosom of your family than in does in Church. If you do go ahead with it. Miss manners asks that you word he invitation so thai the guests know that the Honor of their presence is requested atari Amateur recital accompanied by a wedding ceremony. You have a lifetime ahead to Charm your bridegroom with song and to throw musical parties at which you enter talk your friends Wilh your Talent. It does t seem fair to hog More than one Central role on he lame occasion. Dear miss manners there Are Lour of a All i our Early 4th and divorced who play on the tame Bowling team. We All Wear jeans and either panty Girdle or a control Brief except june. She is Large in the hip and scat area to Al the Bowling Alley or Al the bar afterwards she looks ridiculous. At our age if s essential to Wear some kind of control underwear. She does not seem to notice the difference How can we Tell her to a polite Way Ai we have overheard comments from other people gentle Reader miss manners regrets to inform you that there is no polite Way to Monitor other people s use of underwear. There is not even a polite Way of noticing that such a problem exists. Each of you is responsible for her own us yes Well us Bowling. Dear miss manners while i was in a Nice French restaurant enjoying my meal and the company of a Beautiful woman a childhood Friend of mine who happen to be female came Over to our table to say hello. For whatever reason i could not recall her name. We chatted for a minute or iwo and the returned to her table. I immediately apologized to my Date for not introducing her to my Friend explaining my  to my hire Row my Dale was quite upset with my Rudene and poor handling of an uncomfortable to Tuazon. Did i indeed handle the Titu Atlon poorly and if to what action should 1 have taken to Tat life All parties concerned including Mytell gentle Reader forgetting a Friend s name is More of a natural disaster than an etiquette mistake it can happen to anyone with the Best intentions in the , there Are enough mistakes Here to go around the table. Yours is that you should either have kept the encounter to a Mere Exchange of greetings or made an attempt to perform a half introduction addressing the unknown Wilh this is Arvabelle Stark while seeming to forget to mention her own name. Or i f you Drew a Complete Blank to say i Don t know if you two know each other and then pause Wilh a stupid Grin until they Supply their names. The iwo ladies should have rushed in to do that anyway. Either one realizing your plight could have addressed the other with a pleasantly expectant i Don l believe i know you allowing you to say of i m so Sony while leaving them to do i he Job. The last error is the Way your companion handled her complaint. One cannot criticize the manners of a Friend much less behave like seafood during dinner. The polite thing for her to have said to get Trie idea across would have been your Friend seemed so Nice i would have liked to meet  dear miss manners my husband b in Romh ill. How do 1 keep my comp Cuic when asked about rib condition i Jeeto get a Lump in my Throat and lean come to my Zytt i Deal with the Public and cannot work in a Leary and red eyed Date. Gentie Reader there is no method for toughening oneself against such feelings but tactful people understand this. You need Only thank them for inquiring after your husband and turn away to preclude any questioning that might make you break Down altogether. The emotion you Register should be an explanation and a warning to them not to interfere Wilh the delicacy of your composure. Ttripi i fut juju i z7, .987