European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - October 2, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The stars angst filpes Friday october 2,1987 columns co Bonafed milk no thanks by Andy Roo Mev the worst idea of the 20th a Cury toy be Carbon ated milk. Dairy Farmers in America arc in trouble because Young people arc drinking carbonated drinks like Coke and Pepsi instead of milk. To meet the Competition the United Dairy Industry association is developing milk that fizzes when you open it. The association says it will be a fun kind of Cas Ual sporty  Lite a cup of bubbling Hemlock. Carbonated milk is Hill in the developmental stage so you won t be Able to buy it for a few years. But when they gel going they plan 10 make Orange Strawberry Coconut mint and cola Flavoured carbonated milk. 1 wonder if they be thought of Marga Rine Flavoured carbonated skim milk for dieters if they re really going to help Dairy formers they ought to eliminate the middleman producer who carbonates the milk. The association could develop a new Breed of cow that gives milk already sparkling perhaps they could Cross Hay with Alka seller to make the milk Bubble. Every time a Tanner milked a cow it would be like making an ice Cream soda. 1c the idea works for Dairy Farmers it might spread. The scotch and Bourbon Industry has fatten on hard times recently too. People Aren t drinking scotch and Bourbon in the quantities they used to. If carb Nalion works for milk we have to expect thai carbonated scotch can t be tar off drinkers would no longer have to ask for scotch and  it would be built in. If you re looking for ideas to save on Industry you have to be willing to consider anything. If both the scotch whisky and Dairy industries Are in the same kind of trouble because people prefer carbonated drinks to their products maybe they could join forces and come up with a scotch Flavoured carbonated milk. The drink would be called a Highland  Beer drinkers should be Able to buy Beer favored milk. The Adi for that product could read the milk with a head on it you d have to show proof of age to buy a  Coffee with carbonated milk in it would be next followed of course by Carbon ated decaffeinated Coffee. A company or an Industry never seems to be will ing to look at the real problem when they get in Trou ble. Nine times out of 10, the problem is Hal Llic product does t Appeal to people As much Asil once did. Because it in t As Good As it once was. Since i drank milk As a kid most of he changes in milk have been in processing and packaging in. They be bred Holstein cows that produce phenomenal amounts of milk a very Day. Dairies Lake in apart add to it subtract from it sanitize it homogenize it and put in Back together again in a paper Carton. Dairy Farmers Don l like to be Lold Hal the real reason people Aren t drinking milk is because milk in t As Good As it once was. Cows give five limes As much milk now bul the i in in t half As Good. Wheeling dealing on missiles Byar Buchwald it appear we have an agreement with the russians to remove medium Range nuclear missiles from Europe. How did in happen one of the americans on the delegation said to be a Cia Man went to a soviet Delegate and said to him you might As Well make a Deal. We know for a fact your medium sized missiles Don t  the soviet Delegate certain to be a Kab Man cried you be been spying on us that violates the Geneva  Don l get so excited the Cia Man said. Ours Don l work  you re sure we could t even tight a Christmas tree with one. For years we knew your missiles were no Good bul it was Only recently we found out ours Are  How can i believe you the Kab Man asked. Don t take my word Tor in. Inspect our contractors spare pans. If Hal does t convince you the missiles won t work nothing  the Kab Man was suspicious. Why Are you Tell ing me All this he said. Because we want an arms treaty and the Only Way to get one is to convince you thai what we Are both taking out of Europe does t matter since they won t Fly anyway the Cia Man said. If we look ours out unilaterally the political fallout would be awful. If you Lake yours out alone you get the same flak. We have to remove them together Wail a minute the Kab Man said. What about the perching missiles in West Germany if both of us give up our missiles and the germans keep theirs. Bonn would become the biggest threat to  Don t worry Comrade. The German missiles Don t work  How can we a so sure each other s medium sized nuclear weapons Don t work the Kab Man asked. As part of the treaty we will test fire every missile As it is removed from ill  Ai what Torgeir Iran. It s always Good for a soft Landing. If the missile in t a Dud it s Bye Bye  " so what Are you saying we sign a treaty and remove All medium sized weapons from Europe. Then we buy White lie and ails to Wear when we get the Nobel  let s drink to glasnost and  to Beverly Hiles and Ronald  i can see the Day the Kab Man said when every missile will be turned into a  and every Plo share will be sold to the russians to help the Farmers gel on their  we must make peace by eliminating All weapons that Don t  expect for one the Cia Man said. What weapon do you refuse to give up for the cause of peace mine  a ids Angala time Olvin woes up Winou Tutt  of woks two Ibre. . ,.  pc Towl of sume. Ucun6 m�6  won _. Wisc towt.votih6 hot Oft fat. 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