European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - December 19, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Saturday december 19, 1987 the stars and stripes Page 11 Ann Landers dear readers when death strikes Many of us warn to help but we Dor l know what to do. This wonderful piece came in he mail. It answers once and for All inc questions everyone asks. Is there anything 1 can do to help yes there is much that you can do. You can a 1. Get in touch. Telephone r \ ask when you can visit and How it you might help. 2. Say Little on the first visit. Before the burial a Brief embrace a press of the hand a few words of affection May be nil that is needed. 3. Avoid cliches such As he is out of pain and Aren t you Lucky that a simple i m sorry is better. 4. Be yourself. Show i pc can and sorrow in Jour own Way. 5. Keep in touch. Be available. 6. Attend to practical matters. Offer to help answer the phone usher in callers prepare meals clean the House and fare for the children. This kind of help lifts burdens and creates a Bond. 7. Encourage others to visit and  silence. If the Mourner does t fed like talking Don t Force conversation. Silence is better than aimless chatter. 9. Be a Good listener. This is the one thing the bereaved needs above All else. Is the emotional accept that. Dots he cry accept that too. Is she angry at go accept whatever feelings Are expressed. 10. Do not attempt to Tell the bereaved How he or she Felt. To say for example you must feel relieve now that he is out of pain is presumptuous. Even to say i know just How you feel it questionable. Leam from the Mourner do not instruct 11. Do not probe for details about the death. If the survivor offers information listen with understanding. 12. Comfort children in the family. Do not assume that a seemingly Calm child is Kcf sorrowing. Be a Friend to whom feelings can be confided and with whom tears can be shed. In most cases children should be left in the Home and not shielded from the grieving of others. 13. Avoid talking to others about trivia in the pres ence of the recently bereaved. 14. Allow the working through of grief. Do not whisk away clothing or hide pictures. Do not criticize seemingly morbid behaviour. 15. Write a letter. A sympathy card is a poor Susti tute forgo Crown expression. 16. Encourage the postponement of major decisions. Whatever can wait should wait until after the period of intense grief. 17. In time gently draw the Mourner into quiet outside activity. Is. When the Mourner returns to social activity treat him or her As a Normal person. Avoid pity. It destroys self respect. Simply understanding is enough. 19. Be aware of needed Progress through grief. If the Mourner seems unable to resolve anger or guilt suggest a consultation with a Clergyman or another trained Counselor. You May have to give More time and More of your self than you imagined but you will know the satisfaction of being truly helpful. By Amy Hillyard Jensen permission to reprint medic publishing co., . Box 89, Redmond wish. 98073. Given Choice readers pick foreign goods i am writing this in response to a rce enl it scr blam ing Consumers for the Neil Iona debt. Some Points in this letter hold True however it is very one sided. Wish a problem such As inc National debt could be narrowed Down to just one cause but this is not the Case. The producers of american products arc More to blame than the Consumers. Why do americans buy foreign made goods because they arc made better Are cheaper and As a Rule last longer. I am in the military because i love my country but i m also a capitalist. I invest my Money in goods which will last. I recently purchased a new car and you guessed it japanese. For the Price options and Quality no american car can compare. A car for most americans is the second largest Pur Chase made next to a House. People who buy  when foreign goods Are cheaper and better made Aren t patriots they Are financially irresponsible. If i were Given the Choice of buying a . Car and keeping an american worker employed or buying a foreign Good that i can feel comfortable with knowing it Wilt last longer i pick the foreign Good. The Root of the problem is the producer. When producers decide to increase Quality of products and make their prices competitive Wilh foreign goods then i will buy american. To make better products cheaper Industry will have to re industrialize computerize and robot ize. Homeworkers will lose jobs to this but it is a necessary evil in becoming competitive with foreign products. Americans Are reluctant to change but without changes in production american goods will continue to be undersold until we have no Choice but to change our methods. Hopefully it won t be too late. One last question for the writer do you Ever buy goods off base William a. Kulicki rim Stein a Germany 1 understand hit you were trying to say in your recent letter but Don t Lay unqualified blame on the american Public. Rather let s Esa Minc Why americans Don l buy  in 1972 1 purchased a new Bow have put just under 170,000 Miles on it and the car is still in run Ning condition and continues to pass he strict German inspections. How Many people who bought new Amer ican cars in 1972 can make that kind Ofa claim my two televisions arc made by Sony. As with the Bow i could t find an american product that com pared in Quality and pice. Believe me when american manufacturers can  the Quality of foreign made products at a competitive Price then i la be the first in fire to buy  like most people have just so much Money and i try to spend it wisely. When i was just a kid i thought the words America and Quality were synonymous. Well. I Learned the hard Way that was t True. Until Quality is put Back h to american products i la elect to Purchase my goods on the free Market and buy where i gel the most for my Money. Don l blame the average american for looking for Quality we re All trying to make a decent living an provide for our families let s ask american manufacturers to give us what we want. When that happens have no doubt that american businesses will Prosper Grealy. One of the great things about being an american is hat 1 have Freedom of Choice and i la continue to exercise that right. Born acc e. Lav Turc fun Matt in a Germany servicemen made inf treaty a reality i am appalled by the suggestion that the peace activists Lake credit for politically forcing the signing of the intermediate nuclear forces missile treaty. Tie peace activists stopped Short of claiming that their civil disobedience directly resulted in general Secretary Gorbachev and president Reagan coming together in Washington . To sign this historic trealy it has been the stance of the United states to continue to negotiate arms control in accordance with the nato win track decision in 1979. The United slates continued to Field the Fershing i and Gumc ground launched cruise missile cruise missiles in order to bring the soviets to the negotiating table in Geneva. In 1981, president Reagan offered the soviets the "0" option plan and a Sis year arms talk Battle was Culm weapon not for waving who gave Willard Scott a .45 pistol loaded or not weapons Are not intended for joke or jest or waving around As mentioned in the article whoever authorized or. Scott to perform this flagrant violation of weapons safety was not displaying Good procedural process in my opinion. Every Day we Security policemen practice weapons safely and we do treat every weapon As if it were loaded. We do not in any Way. Shape or  use weapons in a jesting manner. Staff sgt. Gordon l. Sturgis or. Kedah so. I Eland rated in the two superpowers agreeing to destroy nuclear weapons. Arms control has been replaced by arms reduction. Give credit where credit is due. The hard work dedication to duty and perseverance of the soldiers of the 56th Field arty come and the airmen of the cruise missile Laci ical wings across Europe brought the Soyi Eis to the arms reduction table. The underlying Prin Ciple that has proven effective is peace through  i say thank you to the soldiers and airmen whose Devotion made this agreement a reality. Name and location withheld pen pals iffy flt s old a Ixl looting Lor full. Phil Penni i am 22 a Al do my Maia it i walking  and Reading Tina  Lane won Sirj Elij a Devon. Sex Sun England i am a 13 a fun of arc uni Hart d i Yar Akl flu Yah a Franco proudman 57 number Road Wal Horti Assn pm b i to. England a Yuan of and Najid d Png m1 no pen p Izaih looting id pan a Tilsk music a have Poi p i Reading. Music. 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