European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - December 24, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns in Heaters and elsewhere rudeness reigns by Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspapers we re at the movies. We re in one of those modern  "  of planes where i h individual theater is the Sie of a Pez dispenser a High Means it ii very diff Kull  is 11 in near till 1 Olid people. Chi oud i Eolk Are always it the movies. One thu Ory is  Pilicy actually live in llu1 Cinema t male bearing live offspring and feeding themselves Liy tacking off hunks of the Inch thick  of old  i  i he floor. As Mitin .15 we ill Down .1 Herd of loud people lumbers a i behind us and begins in discuss the Miri dimly Complex problem where everybody Ivill Sci. 1 his keeps ilium Buryla in  through the opening Short feature which years ago consisted of i Leilli and Jekle engaging in comical slunk now in Iii Nils if ,1 Public service announcement wherein Lull i is Wool u los us in ,1 it m voice Mil to use i Mil uk.lint1 hat s  fur him to say. He s not Iii Tihin front Tif the loud people we know hmm experience  will happen my. Or   Wene from the movie Luiu nine when in appears in the screen and once when if i mud people Whoso  operate on it i la. I Mil Lape Dehy comprehend in. If for , he villain in .1   Mimer in suddenly pulls Mil ,1 knife., and the uni 1,1 moves in fora close up so Thill the entire i i in i stilled with a knife the Sie a i f 7 Buick there will be ,1 Iii second Paiit. Ind Ilien one of the loud i vote will say loudly he Hiis n  or maybe whal is that a knife so we decide to move to seats  Are closer to the screen which turns Mil in be foolish because in puts us near the teens who in i runs of their grasp of Basic then i or etiquette make the loud people look like the  family. It is Mil their . Due in raging hormonal  is Over which they  no control Hie teens entire so civil Hierarchy undergoes .1 Complete  every four minutes requiring ill to 7 of them to change it us. We occasionally catch glimpses of the screen in Between the teen age bodies lurching Hack and Forth sometimes gelling stuck in the , and now rising above the Din is .1 new sound miming from a person who is standing  the screen and carrying on a lengthy ind Friendly conversation with people who to judge from this person s voice level must be in  Scotia. We Strain to see Between the shifting teens who this person is imagine our Surprise when we realize  in is the usher it is a chilling moment similar to tin1 moment experienced by the heroine in invasion of the body snatchers when she discovers that everybody even Donald Sutherland Hiis been liken Over by the pod creatures. Suddenly we see  we Art Mil in .1 situation we Fri ,1  of basically polite people Are being a Toni Nien ced by a few a Neil Ivi-art1 in a situation where As far As we can Lell everybody else in the theater is Wembly rude. This kind of thing is happening More Ami More As a result of the International rudeness i epidemic which scientists now believe started in fume and which has been worsening rapidly. I myself have tracked the Epir Lemit s growth via the simple research technique of holding doors open for people walking behind me. Years ago almost everybody would say thank you ind i would my you re  then a lol of people stopped a i Iii i thank you and i compensated by saying you re Welcome anyway in i thud and brutally police voice which would cause some of them to lie Tome sheepish and say thank  then they slopped becoming sheepish Ami started making obscene gestures. Now i must report Many of them Don t even bather to do that. We  reached the Point in the International rudeness epidemic where people have gotten Loo Ude even to make obscene gestures.  so we find ourselves hunched Down in our theater seats trapped in the Middle of Firpo Ler fest 67. We Are quite frankly terrified. We decide to try to make a  for in. Our plan is to walk brazenly up the aisle laughing and burping real loud so nobody will notice us Ihen sprint for the car. We re just momentarily blinded by a tasteful Flash of Light and Ihen standing in front of the screen we see miss manners. She reaches into her purse which it of course exactly the color of her shoes and pulls out Clint Eastwood Sun. What is  Brays one of the loud people. A knife victims of crime Merit compassion Courtesy by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners -1 am a Counselor and Many of my clients Are victims of physical or Sciull child abuse referred to me because of inappropriate feelings of guilt. The cause of this guilt it seems to me is usually the failure of nearly everyone involved to follow the rules of etiquette. Too frequently the child is asked what he or she did to bring the abuse about and Why he or she did t report in immediately with the innuendo to list the child covertly enjoyed the abuse and is partially responsible for it. I hold that there is a general Rule Here which applies to All victims of crime. Whal we Cali crime n behaviour sufficiently rude Aslo warrant 3 Legal prohibition against it. Since in is rude there is no excuse Loril and in imposes obligations Only upon the perpetrator not upon the victim. The question of Why the abuse was not immediately reported is a very Good one so Long As it is asked of the perpetrator a Alicr than the child. Unfortunately it seems to he assumed that the perpetrator of criminal rudeness can guide his or her actions by self incr Cal while the victim is bound by Legal and moral obligations. Ii seems to me that quite the Converse is True. One cannot impose obligations upon a person of any agr by beating or raping them. Surprisingly enough few agree Wilh me that the rules of etiquette apply with the same Force to criminally rude behaviour Aslo More mundane breaches of Correct behaviour. Thus i am writing to seek the advice and support of miss manner. Does miss manners agree that criminal behaviour that victimized others violates not Only the Law of the land but the Laws of etiquette and that the violators should be held accountable to both gentle Reader could we sort out this request Juit a Bill miss manners is in great sympathy Wilh you but surely you co not expect her either to reclassify crime under the lesser charge of rudeness or to interfere Wilh criminal investigations. She recognizes Ilia there is an etiquette Cju estion in there. And we surely do not disagree on the heinous Ness of child abuse your Are Welcome if your wish la Point out that criminals Are by definition rude. That is an unders allement. Bui what miss manners thinks you Are really after and justifiably so is establishing etiquette rules for non criminals family friends acquaintances perhaps police or medical workers maybe even busybodies in discussing the crime with the victim. Admittedly some of these people have no right to mention the crime. Bui thus who Are truly close to the child or who Are professionally involved will need la Isk questions. Ii so happens that the effective Way of doing this is also the police Way. 1 Lul is to put things in a kind Low key non. Prejudicial manner. Slanted i Siinnos lend to inspire skewed answers. Lial happened just before is a belter Ejiri Filion both to gather information and id spare the child s feelings than did you do anything to encourage i his did you think of telling anyone is better than Why did t you report it sooner miss manners has t spent a lifetime As a journalist without understanding that the simple police question elicits the most revealing answer. Dear miss manners a few months ago i met a Man who is in the Navy. After he returned to his base we kept in touch by mail and Telephone and i am now planning a trip to see him. I am not the Type of person who runs after men but i am really fond of this Man and i miss him. I am a 24-year-old Independent single woman and am planning to visit him alone. I do have relatives nearby and i am also planning to visit them. My brother says in is not proper far me to visit a nun in another stale without a companion or chaperone. I would appreciate ii if you could give us your opinion and Settle the matter for me. Gentle Reader we no longer have ,1 double travel Standard for one thing in would effectively bar ladies from business travel. We do still have respectability but it would be adequately served if you were to slay in a Bole by yourself. Dear mass manners close friends commonly a a you did t mind when i. Did you if we Are alone i can answer the question honestly. The problem arises when i am asked this question in a group and did mind and yet do not furl comfortable telling everyone thai i did. For example someone might ask pm in group meeting if i minded her making ome important decision while i was on vacation instead of waiting until i returned to the office. I might prefer to discuss the Issue quietly and yet not make it a Lopic for office gossip. Vhal do i say i usually either say nothing or lie and say i did l mind. Of course it is clearly nut sensible for Good friends to bring up personal questions in front of others but what does one do when in happens gentle Reader the air real reply is let s talk about in  miss manners is aware that this signifies to everyone present Hal you did in fact mind and  is More you mind in being brought up in Public but in is nevertheless the polite alternative to a false no no not at  trip it its lint it Crabtr 2t, 1917