European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - January 21, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns the threat of Llamas and berserk male syndrome by Dave Barry Keigm i ditch newspaper i Hiiva received a report from Duluth minn., concerning .1 development even More alarming than the Hole  is being eaten in the Ozone layer by the killer bees. Wilh the Ozone Holt the worst thai can Luppin is that in will  ill human life on the  1. Which we Ull not be n total disaster because ii Wynum Aho it in the end  for car dealerships. Whereas if this Dutilh report is Irue  nes .1 threat  More serious than . As Yuu Haw probably guessed i am referring to berserk Mali syndrome in i1.im.i5. I am nol making this syndrome up. I  d Riboul it thanks in .111 Alert Reader in i sent a .111 Luicle clipped from the Muhith norts Iri Bimi Ami Herald the Northland s newspaper i. The article concerned a Man named Sieve by Slot who  farm in Canyon minn., and who bought .1   Marco for 1700 from the i Ike Superior zoo. Tor the Benefit of i Hose of you who Riu Mil keep up with Turrell events i should explain hint Llamas ire in important new trend possibly even More important  hair mousse. Among the famous people who have purchased  Are actress Kim Novak and Limon Gousley Lal Enlil   Michael Jackson Turec ctn can barely Kiep up Wilh the demand. Ii would Mil Surprise me in the  if any Lay now some Siam breeder Pio Duies a Llama  i cellular Telephone. Why Art  so popular Wilh the in crowd a ret enl associated press article provide a Llama owner s answer you get very Illicher to them. People ask whal Are they Rood fort Well what a piece at Insique furniture Good fort the problem Wilh ills Lino of reasoning ii  you rarely read Abdul a piece of Insique furniture Dri a think ils owner with Lipil Whit h is precisely whal , the , did i Steve by Senft not once but on a number of occasions. You would walk in the barnyard Inri he would charge at you from so feet away and try to Knock you Over says Bystedt. Then things would realty deteriorate. He would Spil. He would us out and Oul Star spitting. Ii was like vomit a Slimy vomit and it smells rancid. It s the Moil putrid smell you or id conjure up. I d be covered Wilh in. It would of Between my eyeglasses and my  Well of course this is nol what you Are looking for in an animal companion. At the end of a hard Day you do not May to yourself with eager anticipation now for a face full of Llama up Ltd so Bystedt cleaned himself off and did some research and he found an article in the International ctn elite Toumala a prestigious Llama oriented Magazine thai i am nol making up about berserk male syndrome. This can occur when you Lake a male baby  away from its Mother and Bottlo feed him and give him a lot of human Contact which causes hint to become confused Riboul his identity so that instead of displaying  mama , which is similar to that of Fame Grille Long lashed  Deer Bambi the  turns out More like Charles Martian. Armed Wilh this research Rystedt filed a claim Iga Insl the ally of Duluth with eventually gave him his 4700 Back. He gave Marco to ,1 Rivale zoo in Hinckley minn., where at last word Marco had an Ostrich for cellmate. Since ostriches have the same Basic personality As  the Hull we can Only Hope that this is nol a pelting zoo. I can see the blaring  headline now slime covered Day care claw found pecked to  but that is not my major concern. My major concern is what if berserk male syndrome is spreading to other species i say this in Light of the following recent alarming news development Gary Hart is running for president again. Source hit Washington Post giant Man Calina Crk Kels Aie a Latkins villages in Peru. Source the Sun in the same Issue that had a Sunry with this intriguing headline baby struck by i Honing glows in dark Oliver North. Source Mars and what you ask h the Federal government Wahob some Limet Unai Tito l Hwy Nice. Doing about this Don t make me Jugh Wilh bitter cynicism culminating in a hacking cough the Federal govern men has not even started holding lengthy televised hearings about berserk mate syndrome. So it looks As though it is once again up to us the private sector to Pul Down our Marlini glasses and shoulder the Grindstone of responsibility for sending generous donations of Money or air plane tickets or pleasure boats whatever we can afford to the foundation to stump Oul berserk mate syndrome co Dave Barry the Miami Herald Miami fat. 3ti32-1 pc. Needless to say your contribution is completely lax deductible provided you Tell the internal re venue service you gave it to a Church. Also rest assured  this is not one of those phony Chari pics where Alt the Money will actually go for fal salaries for my relatives. Lei them gel their own Charity. Secretary got carried away with giving presents by miss manners United be Ilure Syndicate dear miss manners i gave my Secretary a gift in appreciation for dedicated work Over the year. But she apparently misinterpreted my intention and now gives me gifts throughout the . The last was a Book Wilh a personal pcs ugh written inside do not wish to Lake this Book Home nor do i want to leave it n the office for my colleagues to ice. Consequently it was like All the other gifts trashed in the nearest can on the Street. Please do not think i am ungrateful. The rouble h thai i show appreciation because i do not know How to Taclof ult Tell her i want the practice to Stop. Why can t a Boss be a kind polite and Nice person to his Secretary without her thinking he is a personal Friend and should be showered with gifts gentle Reader any Exchange of presents in the office encourage Hal kind of thinking. Miss manners believe. Why can t you show your appreciation Wilh an annual Bonus rather than adding the personal touch of selecting a Gilf however your Secretary s behaviour is certainly a Large further step in the wrong direction. Even your close friends probably do nol Shower you Wilh presents throughout the year she has the decided air of someone who is trying to court you. Acceptance will nol discourage this. You must Retreat albeit tardily into the kind police Nice but impersonal manner of proper office behaviour an excellent Way to Start would be to give her that Bonus fur Christmas along Wilh the statement i realy suppose this will be Mare useful. Presents Aren t Appu Priale among working  dear miss manners having reared five children of my own i feel i should be an expert on playground etiquette but today Here was a new situation for me my a year old grandson had climbed onto the platform for a slide when a girl came up to the platform and he proceeded to Point hit Finger and Tay pow i immediately said no no to him. I could we the girl i Mother we nol pleased and i know my daughter does not allow her ton to play Wilh gun so i made tight of 11 and did i go that s the Way to gel rid of  the Mother said is thai the Way to gel rid of girls and took her daughter away. Later i Hough maybe i should have tried to get my grandson to apologize even though i m not hire he would have. What should i have done 1 gentle Reader to Leach a child Hal Small to apologize you not Only explain Why and How but you do in Wilh him taking him by the hand announcing Timmy wants to apologize and then saying Timmy pointedly until he does. In this Case both of you needed to apologize. Your remark about getting rid of girls was offensive now miss manners knows you did l mean any insult. Bui just As you probably did nol question your children playing Wilh guns you brought Idem up in an Era when the idea that it was acceptable for boys to exhibit hostility to girls was commonplace even considered amusing. People look at both of these things More seriously now. Dear miss manners my twin daughter were Mcanlly attendant at shelf Cousin wedding. Since we live at a great Oblance my Titer and her daughter the Bride arranged to have the dresses nude with me rement ten by mail to her. I offered to pay Tor the Dreucci bul my Siller refined and paid for them Hen Elf. However the Day before the wedding when my daughter were trying on the Drewes my Niece informed them that the a keeping Ihetu dream � keepsakes. A Iii proper etiquette of should we have voiced disappoint Trentt gentle Reader keepsakes is she reserving them in Case this marriage does t work cult does the Bride wan a Supply of identical evening Drc Wesl it is certainly Odd bul miss manners sees no alternative to letting in go. Tit Lett aunt fuse it Autry 21,19ts