European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - February 5, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse Page the stars and stripes Friday. February 5,1988 column s who wants of go if you can go by Russell Baker new York. When the English musical version of the phantom of the opera opened Here. It was already sold out until inc second coming which makes you wonder Why hey bothered to open it. If ii wire my show i d say for gel the opening just run a show you can t gel into until your life expectancy has expired it seems to me is a closed show and All the opening in the world is no going to enclose it. In fact if you really did open the thing you might kill it. 1 for one Jet very Little pleasure seeing a show tar which just anybody can walk up to the Box office and buy a i tact. Give me a show so said out that my friends will never be Able to buy tickets however and 1 will put up with anything. Some years ago i had tickets to Nicholas Nickle by an eight hour lest of stamina that i raved about for months afterwards to everybody who had t been Able 10 get in. It did me Good to Sec them eat their hearts out As i described the dramaturgical marvels they had missed. The Beauty part was that Nicholas Nickleby was a limited run. Unlike Abie s Irish Rose it would not stay around for decades enabling my friends to Sec it in their in agr. Thev would never never be Able to Sec Nicholas dwelling on thai though i sometimes had to Milc a cackle of Delight. Well the thins closed unseen by so Many of my humiliated friends that it armed my heart. And Ihnn Horri Bili Dilu it opened again. The producers acting on the theory that one. Good trip to the Hank vault ii wonderful but two Are divine decided to Rel Cal and let America s hitherto deprived theatregoers toss their Money into inc Kitty. Misc Ricordina the show failed to sell out when word spread thai anyone who wanted to see it could get a ticket people stopped wanting to Sec it. No longer did pc ple cringe into submission pos Tures when i told them Nicholas Nickleby was so splendid that the eight hours bad passer As if they were but seven and a half. Now they interrupted to say we thought Alt Day was Loo Long for a play so decided not logo. That was my one and Only coup do theater ticket. Fortunately my theater going career has toughened to withstand the humiliations thai will occur w me when word gets around that i can t get in to Sec the Phan Tom of the for years hardly a Day passed during which i was not humbled by someone confronting me with the Chal Lenge that he had seen my fair lady and it was magnificent and i had t. Generations passed before 1 finally saw my fair it was a revival and through a typist s error i was invited to the first night performance. Richard Burton came wearing a fur Coal. Afterwards i rushed out to Tell everybody i d seen my fair lady and they had to but they All said they d bet it was t As Good As the a Harrison my fair lady they d seen Back in the Stone age. Alas when a Man rec entry started humiliating me because he had seen los miserable is another sold out Lill Csc Unity show i with was Richard Burton there and he said of course not he s dreadful news. This phantom Starling to run for Ever and Burton dead who came wearing a fur Coal dreadful news. Instruction books Are for sissies by Joe Murray lufk1n. To a my family was Nice to me on my birthday last week. They gave me a Var with a Remote control some thing i be been wanting for a Long while. They wee Nice to me Loo hardly made fun Al Oil when fouled it up so bad trying to make it work that it May never work again Asil should. Granted my College daughter was a bit snippy with me. I had Given her one just like in for her birthday several month ago. When she look in Back to school i d told her if she had any problem hooking it up she should ask one of the boys she knows to help her. I did t item pc anything about what i d said at the Lime. I have is Nee. Did of read the instruction Book she said. It was t m much a question As an accusation. This control panel has 26 push buttons i said whining somewhat. How can they did Jud read the instruction Book All i was trying to do was set inc time and the Day. You Wuu Liln t thins a Calendar and a clock would be so Ding Dong did you read inc instruction Book leave me Loac 1 Don t want to talk about in i huffed and puffed for a while and then tried to explain to her patiently but firmly that instruction books arc for sissies and girls i did t think much about what i was saying at the Lime. I probe ably will later. Besides it s not so much my fault As it is the fault of the limes we live in. Blasted electronics have gotten so complicated hat nobody but geniuses and kids can understand them. I finally fixed inc new Var. I moved in Inlo the family room. I m keeping the old one in my Siudy. Just As Well. I need inc exercise More than need a Remote control. Still and Alt in was a pretty Good birthday. They gave me something else i be been wanting for a Long White a flannel night shirt. 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