European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 13, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Marrying the military by Janet d Agostino medical writer it could have been something As simple As pair of shoes left in Tho living room thai Mado Bill White s not his real name Lempar Tare a would see the shoes and scream at his wife. Bui his anger was really caused by something thai had happened on the of nol at Home Gill s anger frustrated Karen his wife. Bui in was other irn Gallons As Well such As his Many work related absences from Home thai began to erode their marriage and eventually convinced her to seek counselling. I was t Happy Wilh our marriage at All and Felt we needed some outside help said Karen who asked thai i hair identifies not be rear Jared he s got a hot temper and 1 had a hard time dealing with ii. I Ell stepped on Bill and Karen Are in their 20s and have a child. This is Bill s second marriage Karen s Lisl Bill said Karen was lha closes person with whom he could release his irus ration if hero were problems at work i would Wail until i Gat Home to gel angry he said. Karen said Hal when she married Bill she did nol realize that. In a sense she was marrying the military. She did t realize the different demands in would place on her husband such As the frequent temporary duty assignments the Long work Days and the difficulty of making plans Tor leave. Lowas very hard gelling used to army  Sho said. To did t have enough Lime in the Day Lor me. Yel a lot of demands wore made on me to take care of him and All the household  Gill a noncommissioned Olicer in the army agreed logo to Tho counselling session Karen set up Wilh Virginia Lambright. A Counselor Wilh social work service at fran Turl army regional medical Center. I did t want to see another marriage go Down the  Buji said. For married service members counselling or assistance in finding counselling is available through various agencies Aimy personnel can seek help through the social work service offices. Army Community service Ollices or chaplains. Acs offices while not providing direct counselling can link couples to the right resources. Air Force personnel can Call the menial health unit Al the nearest clinic or Hospital or Contact a chaplain. Counselling through social work service or military medical Taci lilies is Iroe or Servis members but civilians must pay the usual $56 Lee for military medical services. Counselling through chaplains is Irce for service members and civilians. The demands of military life plus the additional strains of living overseas such As the weak Dollar. The language Barrier and  Wilh local customs can cause some marriages to collapse i be seen families come Here and the spouse is required to go to the Field As soon As 1hey arrive said Cap. Ben Stallings director of the family life ministry Center Lor 3rd in div in Wurzburg. The family 1$ left. Here All alone it s not a Good slar.1 however the Counselor said in the couple has a basically healthy relationship. The marriage will survive. Conflict does l need to be avoided 11 can help the marriage grow Stallings said. Married couples military and civilian Olton seek counselling Aller their problems have Fos lored for a White instead of tackling them when they Ara smaller and easier la remedy. Ii s like going to a dentist when the pain caused by the Looth is greater than the dread of going to the dentist said i. Col. Roger Bauman Chick of social work service Al the army Hospital in Wurzburg. Bauman believes counselling is valuable not because it can save every marriage but because Many times people make decisions without understanding whal they have based that decision on. Counselling can help people make Iho Best decision Iho can so they Don t end up regret Long it Lalor some partners May Hesi Lale before going to a marriage Counselor because they Faar being criticized by their spouse or because they Lear Hal counselling will quickly Lead to a breakup or thai they will have to Stop drinking or having an affair Lambright said. Husbands usually Are More reluctant to try counselling than wives perhaps because they Lear they will be blamed. A relationship May be in trouble Iho Counselor said if the marriage is Dull in one partner is outgrowing the other socially culturally or Ducal tonally it one partner is intolerant of the other s behaviour or in the partners Are dishonest Wilh each other. During counselling couples often talk about Money sex jealousy or other problems Hal have come up in the marriage bul Hose sorts of problems really indicate an inability to communicate and work through con licks Stallings said. Karen said she and nor husband could talk bul not about what was important. There Are the right things to talk about like How to get along and whal we wanted to gel out of our marriage and from each other she said. Wives Lambright said generally want More closeness and common Caton. They want their husbands to listen More and Lalk More. Husbands she said want More space. They want More closeness at limes but they also want to be alone Lambri Gril Bald Many couples fail to talk to each other about their feelings and needs. In still amazes me she said. There Are things said Here during counselling Hal Tho male has never heard  Karen White admitted that in the first few sessions he Bill would say things thai really surprised  Lambright gave the couple Homework that would encourage them id be More open with each other. For example in one exercise each partner was required to Taik uninterrupted Lor 30 minutes Aboul something of concern to him. Aller is months of counselling Bill while has curbed his angry outbursts. The marriage is stronger bul nol completely healed. In some ways they have made Progress Lambright said. They Are committed to the marriage and Are willing to invest the time to make some  i 1-37 = a Page 14 the stars and stripes