European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 26, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns who s afraid of a Little shark by Dave Barry  newspapers like Many people i have and a lifelong teaming id give up my humdrum daily existence and go to sea and get oru or More of my hand bitten off. This is How i found myself recently in a shark fishing tournament. M was run by a University of Miami Marine biologist or Samuel h. Sonny Gruber who confesses to actually liking Sharks. I be worked with them so Long that they re almost like family he says with Pride. The Good doctor in t kidding either. In a recent article for a Furj history to gating cuber described Haw he Anil an assistant roped a Large pregnant lady Lemon shark to the Side of their boat after which Gruber reached inside the shark s birth canal and pulled out nine Little baby Sharks. I  this article to my 7-year-old son who listened in trance like amazement. Would you do that to a shark i asked him. I would t do  to a human he said. Exactly. For most of us our natural reaction to a  is to want to shoot it with the largest available Bazooka yt1 Sonny Grutt cheerfully Sticks his hand into a fairly intimate  local Ion and helps produce More Sharks. His feeling is  we human beings need to be More sympathetic toward Sharks because they Fife an important Par of nature s delicate ecological balance As you know if you saw the Fine nature film Laws ii where a shark the size of Syracuse n,y., rats several teen agers and a helicopter without Sharks participating in the great food Chain the world would soon be overrun with helicopters and teen agers. Ii already is in chopping malls. Anyway to do his research Cruber needs shark specimens which is Why once a year he Semi reluctantly sponsors the shark fishing tournament. It attracts an extremely masculine group of anglers. You know thine testosterone soaked Beer commercials where the Burly ill american hard Workin wage earning jeans wearin cow Liftin men come in from a hard Day of rid in around the Prairie Cap turn escaped heifers one handed and they go into the tavern to drink Beer and Grin wildly at each other and they have to sit sideways at i he table because their shoulders Are so Broad Well those men Are brie eating Tutu wearing Donahue watching wimp compared with the men who go to shark fishing tournaments. Naturally i fit right in. I went out with a professional for Sharperson named Mark Quartiano who is known As Mark the shark because that i his specially he has arms the size of municipal water tanks. I became acutely aware of this during he tournament when i was clinging to a stubby fishing Rod trying desperately to reel in what fett like a waterlogged 195 Buick. The largest fish i had Ever caught before that was called a Crapple which has about the size and fighting strength of a Harmonica. If you pulled too hard on the line your Crappie would come flying right out of the water sail Over your head and wind up dangling from the tree behind you looking like some kind of Jungle hanging fish. But this thing i was hauling up in the shark tournament had parishes bigger than a Crappie. And although through years of rigorous daily word processing i have developed forearms the size of Pepperoni i was having trouble turning the Crank on the reel. Can i Crank with both hands i asked. Nol said Mark the Shaik no wimps and so spurred by the intense male peer pressure that causes Guys to do ludicrous Macho Guy stuff such As dive off Bridges and Send troops to obscure humid nations i managed to haul in this fish. It was a Beauty to was roughly the size of Mario Cuomo and it even looked like Mario especially around the Mouth. Mark the shark told me it was an remember Hilt Tilow from the Moriet amberjack around 80 pounds. I was very proud i wanted to gel it mounted and hang in in my Den even though that would mean i d have to build a Den. But you know what we ended up doing with this fish which i risked permanent Arm damage for we used it for bait ves we impacted poor old Mario on Hooks Large enough to suspend ,1 forklift from and we put him Back in the water and late that night we hauled in a 10-foot, 3 5-Pound, fairly annoyed shark. Actually we did not do this. They did this while i watched from a higher deck known in nautical parlance As the cowering journalist deck. Unfortunately our shark was not Large enough to win the tournament but i m sure it will help Sonny Gruber increase our knowledge about these Noble creatures which Are so misunderstood. Did you know or example hat shark attacks Are actually very rare and that you re safer swimming among Sharks than driving to the Beach Well its a True shark fact and i m sure in will serve As a great Comfort to you next time you find yourself in the Ocean. Notice i say you. Nol me. Lady should let new Friend know she s married by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners while my husband was away on a business trip i met a chaining gentleman at i parly. Please do nol get the wrong idea but i did ask the Young Man for Hii Telephone number As i wish to cultivate him As a Friend. He seemed quite pleased to oblige and sought me Cut later to assure me he hoped to hear from me very soon. Although i know thai True gentlemen would never presume any but the most innocent motives behind a lady s invitation to Friendship i am Uncertain How to proceed. Can i invite him id lunch if so should in include if not my husband a mention of him i neither want to appear to be hiding my Darling husband nor to restrict my contacts to those people who met me originally As mrs. . Please reply soon As i Art looking Forward to establishing Friendship with said gentleman gentle Reader Why docs miss manners occasionally feel like a snookered Duenna when she is led into staling that it is perfectly respectable for ladies and gentlemen to be friends she will stale it anyway because she believes it. But she wishes you had a Little less breathless excitement in Lite Lone in which you report the possibility of this new Friendship. Ii is a false Start to an honest Friendship to leave ambiguous whether one is available for Romance. You Are obliged to slate plainly that you arc rot and you should make in Clear that your social life is not a secret from your husband. Your invitation should to something like i be toll my husband about you and he d love to meet you. In the meantime would you like to meet me for lunch one Day dear miss manners most of the Gurls at my daughter s wedding will be aut of owners and the families have never met. Would in be proper to use name lags at the reception gentle Reader is your daughter going to Wear one that says i i m the Bride do you really want her wedding to look like a convention do you wan Llu ask ladies to smack Gummy tags an their pretty dresses do you want to let both families know that you think them incapable of introducing themselves to one another the answers. Miss manners dearly Hopes Are All certainly  dear miss manners i have � 2-year-old daughter. Both my parents and my husband s parents see her once per week. I m Happy that they All enjoy her so much she is the lint grandchild on both Side but they act As Hough they la die in they can t see her every week without fail. I d like to say no to their visits sometimes but i feel i m being unreasonable and cruel when will she Slop being such a big Novelty to them gentle Reader at precisely the Lime when she is less of a Novelty to you and you want help from them of a baby sitting nature that is obviously your convenience is a Factor and you can say no if you have to or request thai they pick her up or otherwise make the arrangements More workable for you. But aside from the unfairness of discouraging the closeness they seek you should be Able to look ahead to a time when you would dearly love to Park your daughter with adoring relatives or ask them to pick her up from school far an afternoon s visit while you do something else. Dear miss manners i am a recently engaged College Slu Donl. As my Fiance cannot afford a Diamond i am wearing a look alike substitute. When someone asks ii in real How can i answer Wilhour revealing personal details or telling Llast gentle Reader give them your brightest smile and say our love is real  dear miss manners when is appropriate to applaud at the Ballet gentle Reader there is an applause inflation in this country serious minded people believe that clapping should be confined to bows at the end of performances and driest any such manifestations while music is being played. By prevailing standards however applause is also customary for any stage set More elaborate than one painted tree and an oversized mushroom Stool at the appearance of a favorite dancer and for any three leaps or four turns. Dear miss manners i tried to Call my a enlist Early in the morning to confirm an appointment but i dialled tvs Lead the number of a mend who hat a similar number. I woke him up and embarrassed Hung up the phone. Should i have identified myself and told him of my error gentle Reader politeness Only required you to say i m so sorry i have the wrong number nol to keep him up by the whole dreary confession of How you happened to dial it if you can contrive to say this without letting him recognize your voice. Miss manners would find no fault