European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - June 30, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse Thursday. June 30, 1988 the stars and stripes Pago 21 commentary taking a Mulligan in the cold War Well we got pm now the cold War is Over. Let s hear it for Ronald Reagan. Gorbachev Nancy. Raisa. Kari Man Lake a hike. The inf treaty glasnost acres troika forget it. The soviets Are going to take up Golf. The com rades Are building a Golf course thai s the big news that came out of the Moscow Summit. The Iron curtain is just ground under re pair. Free drop two club lengths no nearer the Hole. Lenin must be screaming no nol someplace today. Stalin must want someone to be shot. There goes marxism. There goes the dictatorship of the proletariat the comrades arc importing capitalism in its purest form. We All know what happens next. The politburo shows up for a meeting and if you look under the desks you see they re All wearing cleats. And they re in a hurry. They la Tell you Gorbachev is in conference when he s really practising putting on the Rug. Gorby will get on the hot line to the White House and when the president comes on line will ask Tell me How far aver do you keep the left hand at address do you keep the is pointing to the right shoulder even on the Short shots i can Sec it now the red army is poised to in Vade the persian Gulf. The chief of staff Calls the Kremlin for the go ahead. Nol today Lumpen i got a four Ball at Omsk. And besides the masters is on the lube this weekend and i got Stadler in the office Pool. Why Don t we stage it the weekend of the Quad cities what do we want with the persian Gulf any Way i d rather go to Palm Springs. I got a new set of we All know what an obsessive game Golf is. Re member Dwight Eisenhower the Only president in history who used the while House to gel his Handi Cap Down who made the White House Lawn into Apar-3 and who ran the country from a Sand trap his answer to every Cristi was to keep your head still an be sure to follow through. And Don t give away the Hole. Look at it this Way a president on the Golf course is nol All that bad. Look at Jimmy Carter. The Russ Tii have always been afraid of our army our Navy air Force our missiles technology even our films and music. Now they re about to gel taken Over by a whole Bunch of 5-Irons. Arnold Palmer Geli to be Secretary of state. On the first tee he says to Gorby let s see what shall we play for Afghanistan i wonder if the comrades know what they re doing to themselves you know. Lenin used 10 say our capitalism was such a Patsy it would probably sell them the rope to hang us with. Wait la they Sec what Golf does id their Way of life. Gromyko la be trying to gel into Bel air. Gorby la be trying to wangle an invite for the Hope or the Crosby or whatever they Call Bing s old tournament these Days. The Kab will be told to forget the computer plants and concentrate their Industrial Wing on Square grooves or the dimples in top Itea and to theists i m Only sorry they re taking up the game after the eras of Palmer and Nicklaus and Hogan and Snead. Somehow i Don t think Morris Halasky and Payne Stewart Are going to inspire the same Awe. We could sent them Tommy Bolt to show them How to hit or throw a 2-Iron and the stance for smashing a locker with a Golf shoe. This latest ideological departure is As usual the work of the legendary Armand Hammer the Long time Russ Ophile and one time confidant and adviser to Vladimir Lenin no less who has been trying to bring Russia and us into the 20th Century for most p8s of it. Robert Trent Jones will build the course which will be 6,800 meters or 7,000 Yards Long will have four water hazards More Sand than South Africa if i know Bob Jones and Waits of Pine Trees. U it be at Nach Abino 18 Miles West of Moscow but nol too far in spirit from Augusta National. It la have wide fairways but presumably nil the Dogleg will be left since no self respecting bolshevik would Ever wan to go to the right Gorbachev looks Tike a natural born 18, but hell probably think he s a 12, that like every other golfer he s six shots better than he is. Hell probably go out and gel himself a pair of purple Slacks red shoes and a set of Irons and Mink covers and Ever Hustler in the world will be fighting to get a piece of him gel on the Back and press the bet. On the other hand he May be the Only High handicapper in the world who. When he says pm going to kill this Guy will be Able to do it even if he bogeys the 18. Anyway communism is kaput. There s never been a communist on a Golf course in the whole history of the name. Golfers Are not collect in is idealists. Golfers Are you hit it there you go play it Libere. Golfers1 political Agenda ii just by the right club baby right Down the Middle. They hate any thing that goes left. Golfers Are Calvin Coolidge times two. John d. Rockefeller was a golfer to give you an idea. Golf is not a game it s a religion. If they though they had trouble with the Pope wait la they get the pea. They la find out what an evil Empire really is when they get enmeshed in this game. The Summit was an american Success. Hitler and Napoleon could t Lake Moscow with All their can non but 20 Guys with 4-irans in Amana hats will bring it to its Knees. I can t wait till the first Central committee member finds out that the Breaks at a a Habinck arc harder to read than american foreign policy. Golf the roman offs revenge. What s russian for my god nol Over there and you re away Kovarich ailing Shriver draws another shot at Graf by Larry Siddons Wimbledon England a one year ago Pam Shriver walked onto Centre court at Wimbledon cold and faced a red hot Tennis player. She quickly left with a semifinal loss Courtesy of Steffi Graf. This year Shriver has drawn Graf again in the women s semis of the grand slam tournament. She can t do much about that but she says that this time she will at least know what Centre court looks like before the match this afternoon. I Haven t played a match on Centre or court no. I this year in singles so i m going to go out there the third seeded american said tuesday after beating Zina Garrison 6-4,6-4. Just getting a shot at the world s top ranked women s player in the next to Las round of Wimbledon is quite an accomplishment for Shriver considering the obstacles she has faced. She came into the tournament with a Groin muscle injury then survived a three set opening match against unheralded Dinky Van Rensburg. The Victory margins have gotten bet Ter since then but the medical bulletins have not. Shriver was diagnosed As suf Fering from mononucleosis just before her second round match and decided to keep playing Only after the tournament doctor assured her that her health could get no worse. I be spent most of these two weeks on my Couch Shriver said. I fed Good that i be persevered and thai i m through to the with drizzle streaking the windows of her London Flat tuesday morning Shriver was on the Couch expecting a Day off when the Telephone rang. It was Georgina Clark supervisor of the women s pro Tennis tour telling her that she and Gar Rison were due on court As soon As they could get there. I just grabbed my bag downed bowl of Cereal my third breakfast of the Day and off i went Shriver said. No practice time was available at the All England club but Shriver got in a 15-Minutc workout on a court across the Street. She then went out and blew by Garri son the 13th seed who had upset Gabrie la Sabatini in the fourth round. Nol Many people saw it. By Shriver count 43 fans clogged the grandstand at court no. 13. It was a Little weird but then i got into a Good Little focus mood she did t really bother me much. There would be been a time when that would have been on my mind but i pre pared i did what i had to do to make sure that when 1 went out there i was ready to play a quarterfinal in the 19s7 semifinals Shriver was brushed off by Graf 6-0,6-2. "1 think i was out there for 40 min utes Shriver said. Told that the match actually lasted ii minutes longer than that she replied was it 51? 1 must have that loss to Graf Laughl Shriver somethings she Hopes to use this time As she tries to prevent Graf from keeping on the Pun stump. Have to pick up my game Trail of the grand slam sweep. I can t do any worse than i did last year she said. There Are certain things that i Learned from the last Lime i played her. But i m not going to say what that is. Obviously she s playing very Good Tennis and i m going to have to pick up my Shriver said the strength sapping mononucleosis had been a Challenge to Deal with and that it made her realize How much time and Energy she wastes when she is healthy. But the illness has had its Good Points she said. I m going to pet a callous on my Back lying around she said. It s kind of enjoyable. I be seen a lot of sex Buckeye Bruce hired by no. Iowa Cedar Falls Iowa a Earl Bruce fired As Ohio stale s football coach in november despite winning 75 percent of his games became the head coach at the University of Northern Iowa Iowa officials announced Nice s appointment at a mid Day news conference at the Toni Dame the pan thers domed football stadium. Bruce who also has coached at Iowa state said his lies with Iowa and with uni basketball coach Eldon Miller brought him Back to the stale. He said he talked to Miller four or five times about the this Job were anywhere Cise but Iowa 1 would t be Here Bruce said. Bruce and Miller were at Ohio state for seven years together until Miller was fired two years ago and became Northern Iowa s coach. After six years and a 36-32 record at Iowa stale Bruce spent nine seasons at Ohio state leading the buckeyes to an 81-26-1 record. He was dismissed by Ohio stale president Edward Jennings a week before the buckeyes final game last fall. Bruce then filed suit and was awarded a s471,000 settlement. Uni athletic director Robert Bowlsby said from the Start the panthers were looking for a coach with division i experience. He said there were about 25 serious candidates for the Job and four finalists whom he did not name. Bruce the Only coach uni officials interviewed in person signed a four year contract at $64,000 a year
