European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - September 29, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns Virginia legislators invite trouble from vicious fish by Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspapers today i wish to direct your intention to a  Ion that should be alarming to everyone who is concerned about preserving the  right of americans to Bear arms against fish. This situation was brought to my attention by Alert Reader Charlesw bosnian who sent me an article from the times my world news of Roanoke va., concerning a decision by the general Assembly thai Elimina Terl he fish shooting season in the Western  of thai Beautiful stale. You read about this kind of i hint happening in communist Russia but you never think i hat it s Ping to happen Here. For those of you who do not keep up Wilh sports i should explain that people in Western Virginia have been climbing Inlo Trees and shooting Down Al fish mostly Carp and sucker since the turn of the Century. I swear this is True. People also do it in Vermont. I discussed the sport with Gai Mcconnell of fort Blackmore vi., who has been shooting fish in the Clinch River fire More Ihan 25 years. He said the Best spot to shoot from is a Bough overhanging the water so you can see your target clearly. You Nettl .1 High powered re Lac to kill a fish Mcconnell . As a Rule you Don t necessarily hit the fish. You can kill the fish when the Bullet strikes the water inc concussion does in in. Mcconnell said Lher Are 300 to 500 regular fish shooters but they Don t have Lournay Tefs or anything. Still i bet it s very exciting to be along the Clinch River during fish shooting season with the gentle Spring Breeze carrying the telltale blam of High powered ammunition being fired Al a 90-degree Angle Down into the River followed by the gentle burbling sound of fatally concussed Carp Bobbing to the surface. This is the traditional Way of life that was threatened by the Virginia general Assembly. Fortunately the slate fish and came commission after meeting with a group of alarmed fish shooters has agreed that at its october meeting it will consider reinstating the season. But there will undoubtedly be dissenters. There will be some ecology nut bleeding heart Sierra club membership card carrying whale saving non Indiana National Cuard serving new age whole Earth Herbat Lea drinking weenies who Are going to oppose fish shooting on the grounds Hal it is unsportsmanlike. Well perhaps these people will change their tune when they learn about the vicious California attack fish i found out about these fish thanks to Maggie Weathers one who sent me an associated press article that appeared with the headline biologist shocked As fish take big bites out of  the Story Stales that some people were attacked shh summer by fish while wading in Lake Mendocino. Here Are some actual quotes from victims that Damn fish Bil the hell out of  Earl Johnson truck Driver. It chomped Down right on top of my  Michael Hubley 13-year-old person. So i called up the stale fisheries biologist who investigated the fish attacks Weldon ones. Ii was kind of scary he reported. We had bites that left blood running Down the  Are you listening ecology nuts Jones said his investigation indicated that the attacks were caused by the fish being Cranky from a not having enough food and b protecting their nest during spawning. He also said that he attacks have stopped but thai does not mean we should not be alarmed. Let s examine the sequence of events  cancels the fish shooting season. 2. Within months fish As far away As California Are chomping on innocent people it does nol take a rocket scientist to see the connection Here. The question is what should we the Coli Henry do about it should we Arm ourselves Wilh High powered rifles and Wii uld even that be enough firepower to Cope with today s bolder Crannier Trothier fish it was exactly this question that led me to inquire Aboul buying a missile. Fortunately Alert Reader Phyllis Cooper had sent me a Page from the May Issue of aviation week Anil space technology Magazine featuring an advertisement that asks in Large letters looking for an Una Mable missile underneath the question is a color picture of the attractive res 70 missile in flight. The advertisement does not specially mention whether the res 70 is effective against fish but in does stale that the res 70 is a go anywhere do anything missile so i called up the manufacturer boors which is in Sweden. Kids old you realize that you can dial Sweden directly from your Home Telephone Vest it s easy i spoke to a Nice fellow named Sven who being foreign spoke English better Ihan the average state legislator. How do i order herbs 70 missile i asked. We must Deal Wilh a government Sven said. We cannot Leal Wilh a civil  Well i Don t know about you but i think it s a sorry slate of affairs when an american citizen is denied the fundamental right to buy missiles by phone from Sweden for Protection against fish. Which is Why i am urging All of you who Are As concerned about this matter As i am to pick up the phone right now before it s Loo late and seek some kind of counselling. Tag along husband distresses 3 visiting women by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners old friendships arc hanging in inc balance in this situation. Four women Alloi us 47, have been friends since childhood. We rediscovered one another about eight years ago and we get log Lucr Al each other s Homes three or four times a year we All live in different cities and or Stales so we always play overnight. As you might guess the conversations Are intimate nothing is sacred and a elevations arc hilarious. The problem is getting together at Margie s House. We can l get rid of her husband Henry. Margie defends his presence by saying for heaven s Sake Henry just loves you girls or i can l just shove Henry in a closet when you  the Only privacy we have when we go to Margie s City is when we go out to eat. When we come Home Lor our All night discussion. Henry is wailing. We have tried switching rooms and even going to the basemen but Henry pads along. We finally confronted the Issue and made in Clear Hal we would not go to Margie s unless she got rid of Henry. Margie is deeply wounded and now feels that none of us like Henry. Miss manners could you be our objective outsider and give us a solution to the problem gentle Reader could you have written this Luller a mile More sympathetically miss manners understands  you might enjoy undiluted girl talk but you re awfully harsh on Henry for enjoying your company and on Margie for refusing to Tell him that he is not Welcome in his own Home. Co out to dinner by yourselves. When you gel Back declare an Early bedtime ind then All change into nightgowns and Robes retire Loon of the guest rooms and so up talking As Long As you like miss manners is Only lulling you this Wilh the Umla slanting thai you should include Henry before dinner and Between dinner and bedtime dear miss Man news Quile often my wife is asked to bake for a Pilch in party or she takes a dessert to a Good Friend s Home for a card party. She never bakes for us As she usually excludes cakes from her diet and i certainly Don t need a whole cake to add to my Waistline however occasionally i would like a slice nol Only to enjoy but to Sample her efforts. She feels it is absolutely Oul of inc question to ask the hostess or a piece to Lake Home even after the party is Over and some cake remains. So i must be Content with stories of How everyone liked her cake and never enjoy any myself. Would in really be improper la ask gentle Reader the etiquette department has 10 Tell you that it would be improper for your wife to plead May 1 have the end of my cake Back my husband says he never gels to eat  however the household Hinis department could have told you that she could make extra dough and Al the same time she bakes the main cake make a miniature one or you. Dear miss manners we recently received an invitation to a Friend s wedding. With in was a card to be returned to the Bride s parents letting them know How Many people would attend the reception. Usually these cards come Wilh a self addressed stamped envelope. This one did nol. When i Taw the Bride and her Fiance i jokingly said you forgot to put Stamps on your return cards she replied i m not going id spend another $65 for postage. That s your problem nol  i was furious. It is her problem. 1 Don t care if she knows How Many people Are coming to her reception and if she has enough food to iced them. Gentle Reader miss manners can hardly Bear to  such All round meanness. For your information having response cards Al All is an improper Concession to the expectation of worse behaviour. Guess Are supposed to be willing to answer invitations All by themselves in their very own handwriting and Are nol supposed to begrudge their friends the Price of a stamp. For someone who declares such disinterest in the problems of a Bride the Only proper response would be to decline the invitation. The form you want is or. Ason Snipes regrets thai he is unable to acc Cpl the very kind invitation of or. And mrs. Tuff for saturday the thirteenth of  dear miss manners what is proper when an older single Parent travels with his or her adult offspring also single of the opposite sex and Klayt in hotels or holds a Friend feels thai in is proper for them to share a room. I disagree. What if one is a quadriplegic of the opposite sex gentle Reader miss manners does not i Hank that in her entire Check ered career she has encountered anyone As desperate for scandal As you seem to be. Do you really consider ii improper for members of a family particularly when one of them might need assistance to share a room what Aboul when they Are at Home alone together should one of them move to his or her club or perhaps you d like to go Over and chaperone. Ieplembr29,1988