European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - October 29, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse Ann Landers the stars and stripes Page 11 letters dear Ann Landers e have a scrapbook of your columns thai 1 Felt were Worth keep ing. Sorry 1 Dori l have he Date of the one i m sending Bull think it appeared in 1970. The advice is Tim Dess and i m sure a reprint would serve a Good purpose. Will you run it fort Wayne Reader . With pleasure. Thanks for asking. The problem i still with us and i can t say that much Progress has been made. Too bad dear Ann Landers i am 17 and already my life is messed up Ted and i went steady for six months and we began to do things we had no right to do. 1 became pregnant. We both quit school and got married right away. My folks thought it would be Best if we moved out of town so we did i Hale my life and what i have done to Ted. The baby cries Al the time and gets on Ted s nerves. He drinks Loo much and 1 can t blame him. We live in a dump and there is no Money Forsmit Lars or movies or decent clothes. Ted never says anything but i know he must hate me because i got him into his. I m afraid he Hales the baby too he never tolds her or Paypal tuntion to her. There arc times when 1 think this is All a bad dream and i la Wake up in my own bed get dressed and go to school with the kids i liked so much. But 1 know Loo Well that those Days Are Over for me and i am stuck. I m not writing for advice. It s too late for thai. I m just writing in Hopes you will print this letter for the Benefit of other Icen angers who think they know it All like i did. Wrecked at 17 dear wrecked it 17 i Hope your letter shakes up he Leci to Kors who Are behaving As you and Ted did during your dating Days. The Only difference Between them and you la they have been luckier. So far dear Ann Landers every year we Are bombarded with announcements of births graduations weddings Elc. We have always sent a gift our daughter is graduating from College next year. Would it be proper to Send commencement announce ments containing a tastefully printed note stating we arc sending this announcement to you to let you know that our daughter is graduating from College. Please consider this simply a Happy piece of news. No gift is so Many people arc in a quandary about this Ann. Please help us All. Appleton wis dear App once upon a Lime it was considered poor taste to mention Eifels when sending out announcements t be Lucve Hal Day has passed. The message should not be Purl of the formal announcement but a card saying no gifts please or your presence is Ritt enu agh will gel the message across. Dear Ann Landers recently a food Friend died. He was divorced 20 years ago and his sex wife moved East. The sex wife came to the funeral and plopped herself in the front Row with the family. She has announced that she wants to be buried next to her former husband and share a common Headstone am i Oul of touch with reality if a woman can t live with a Man when he is alive Why should she expect to share a Headstone with him after they be been divorced for 20 years Kansas q dear q 1 know none of the inside details and you probably Don l either. The Man s family should decide what should be done. Don t worry about it. Substance abuse program discussed be All you can be that is the slogan of the army s recruiting program. However with the new changes in the and App army drug & alcohol prevention control program How can one i ivc up to this. I know an no who was dropped from the course for being a rehabilitative failure because he could not get his wife to go to the session with him. Her reason was that she had children under 2 years old and she fell in would not be Wise to leave her children with someone else. The Community counselling Center in the Ulm Community said not to bring children. So what was this no to do a Choice was made by acc to drop him from the course Lei him get a chapter 9 and Start Selling shoes at Sears. Of what i have seen from reports of my sol Diers who Are enrolled in acc their reports of Prog Ress have gone up and Down. The final question Why is a Soldier who voluntarily Enrols himself automatically flagged from favourable actions until he passes name withheld Neil Ulm. West Germany editor s note . Bernard ii. Chrisley clinical director army drug & alcohol prevention control program Meu dim replies the army recruiting and promotion slogan be All you can be is As much n Challenge to military Readi Ness As it is an offer for personal advancement and rain. The Challenge is to Young americans to take their place among the ranks of the highly professional total Stodter who is physically mentally and spiritually fit. Readiness Means Quality soldiering and Quality soldiering alone translates into advancement. Some old army stories die hard but things which were mice Ouirl Ceil accepted even encouraged or at least inked Al Are becoming less Ihan tolerable. Thai covers a wide Ranee of substances ill or illegal drugs such As marijuana Legal drugs such As alcohol and cigarettes and Wen mild stimulus is such As caffeine in excessive Joses. All of these detract from military readiness and the total Soldier concept. The Soldier who is fit is the Soldier who is prepared to utilize Opportunity in the military. Today s army is highly competitive and Only the Best disciplined in mind body and soul will be prepared and offered to Advance problem drinking or alcoholism do not exist in a vacuum. Alcohol consumption damages family life so Cial functioning and Job performance spouses super visors and friends All belong to the rehabilitative Chain of the excessive Drinker every bit As much As the Community counselling Center acc Counselor be cause icy Are frequently the Only ones who can pres sure the necessary insight needed for change. Only i Lien a marriage a Job or close Friendship is to Raul ened will some people sit up and listen. The invitation to have a family member attend & counselling session with i he problem Drinker is Mil just a Nice la Haw but is frequently the Only resort and a clinical necessity. However family members can Volunteer to attend or refuse to come to counsel us obviously family members Arv strongly encouraged to come to help repair the damage done to family life through excessive drinking. However if the spouse does not come in the Soldier is provided group or individual counselling. No Soldier is turned away or chartered because their spouse did nol Volunteer to come to counselling a Strong possibility exists that without the help of the spouse and or supervisor the Soldier will nol change a drinking behaviour and then become the subject to a poor prognosis from the acc and a possible chapter action from the commander. Dal the basis for this negative action is the ongoing drinking behaviour of the Soldier and nol the Lack of cooperation of the spouse. A significant problem for acc Counselor is the Stark difference Between what is said at a counselling session and what is reported outside of i by the client to friends and supervisors. There is a phenomenon called selective hearing in which a person hears what he wants to hear and fillers Oul the rest. This is especially True in the Case of the into unwary clients who make up he bulk of the acc clientele. It is important for a supervisor As appears to be the Case of the writer of this letter since reference is made to my soldiers to know Why a Soldier from his area might be progressing at one Point and then not at the next. This is frustrating for everyone including the Counselor. Often the supervisor has the necessary leverage needed for constructive change. Supervisors must thai they Are an essential part of the rehabilitative team and need Logel involved in rehabilitative efforts on the Par of their soldiers. Ii will often gel soldiers Back to full and effective Job performance More quickly a Strung misconception of the and App is Hal soldiers who self refer should be treated differently from one identified by a driving while intoxicated re port or military police report and is Mandat Arlly referred. A very significant difference docs exist in that the voluntary referral is protected by he limited use policy and therefore Mannol receive administrative or Legal action for the misuse of substances for which he seeks counselling whereas the Soldier when is caught is subject to possible administrative or Legal action prior to and Independent of Ihler acc referral. Aware soldiers catch themselves before their career is jeopardized by negative Behaviours associated with substance abuse. Once in the counselling situation both voluntary and mandatory referrals must Deal with a similar problem substance abuse and must undergo Simitar rehabilitative processes 11 in Ghl he expected that the self referral would be More motivated to change in counselling but that is frequently nil the Case. Why Are All positive actions postponed even far self re dermis until after completion of the acc enrol ment it goes Back to the army readiness Challenge and requirements outlined in the first response. You cannot be All you can be when you Are gelling intoxicated even occasionally. Those occasions Are when soldiers Are incapacitated fur any kind of duly either routine or emergency. Soldiers with substance abuse problems arc not soldiers prepared to respond to immediate needs. The army s Challenge and Opportunity dictated by a 600-85 is int the problem individuals Clear up All difficulties associated with substance abuse and re establish their place aiming Hie ranks of the totally 111 Soldier. Once this lakes place such soldiers have begun to re earn such privileges As re enlistment and promotion. The rest is up to the Quality of soldiering. In the ranks there Are types of substance abusers those who Are seeking help those who Are being caught and those who remain in Laughl but have prob lems. The last group the in Laughl alcohol and other substance abuser presents the greatest threat to Mili tary readiness. Eventually members of Hal group will get help or leave the army through various Means. Including retirement. One thing is for sure the army has changed and will continue to change. One of those changes is the growing intolerance for substance abuse. As members of the military continue to become More enlightened and convinced of the enormous damage done by the excessive use of alcohol and other substances the mis Sion of military readiness will be More closely met. I appreciate the writer of this letter giving me the Opportunity to respond to common opinions about the and App. Hopefully this will explain How a 600 85 is a part of the Quality program of the army today. My Jeffs by m. Cook Usa Coli mama a edit Kif Chr it col 6uzahng u Phi up. 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