European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - December 15, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns christinas traditions mean a lot to the Barry family by Dave Barry Knight rid Dir be the vaguely Snow Iku chemical compounds  have been  a Ltd store windows since before inc world Swift or Slart ins to turn Gray with ago. You know what that Means Christmas is near. To our family v Cannon fire during the civil War and we  this Fine looks Nice and fresh then we Lake it Home and sul in up thus triggering a Long dormant defense mechanism designed to prevent the tree s pm Urdl enemies from hanging ornaments on in which causes ii to instantly drop All its Needles like a heroin addict in a police raid once the tree is up Ami naked it s time for another favorite family tradition which is putting on our darkest sunglasses and driving Over to Admire the Homo of ins tasteful display people. These Are people in a neighbourhood near us who every year turn their House and Yard into .1 spectacular giant electrified display similar to downtown Las vegas Only without the restraint. In addition to several bazillion Light bulbs their Yard features animated re creations of traditional Christmas scenes such As the Long ago night when the three Wise men gathered in Bethlehem with other traditional motorized figures such As Mary Joseph and frosty i snowman to move their Heads slowly Back and Forth Back find Forth As though they were watching the Bethlehem open slow motion Tennis classic the tasteful display people s Yard is already Bright enough to disorient commercial aircraft but they keep adding new elements including this year the fabulous new general dynamics xr-47 laser equipped Manger. It s Only a matter of time before these folks acquire a nuclear capability. Speaking of threats to human survival i want to remind everybody of the recent alarming Holiday discovery that Fruitcake is destroying the planet. Yes leading environmental scientists now Tell us that Fruitcake being the densest substance known to Man emits Gravity rays so powerful hat they suck on the Earth precious Ozone layer causing it to stretch and eventually break like a cheap brassiere that s repeatedly washed in harsh detergent this is sad news indeed because the Fruitcake has been a traditional Holiday treat Ever since the first one was produced accidentally by a chemist attempt ing to develop an edible tire in our household we always got a Large amount of pleasure from receiving a Fruitcake and seeing if we had any Kitchen implements or Power tools sturdy enough to penetrate it. Tragically those Days Are Over because the Federal government has banned the manufacture or Possession of fruitcakes with violators to be placed in brutal Holiday prisons where they will be forced to actually read All the annual Christmas newsletters from their friends and loved ones but never mind. This is America and if we want to we can Start new centuries old traditions. For example since we moved to Miami to pc been going out each year with a group of people who engage in Christmas caroling from a boat. We motor around on a Maze of canals hat go behind people s houses caroling our lungs out trying to remember All the words of the 12 Days of Christmas and i m sure that it would fill the hearts of our listeners with the True spirit of the season except they can l hear us because they re in the family room watching the terminator on Cable to sometimes Well get so loud that they la come to the window and peer out with alarm. What is it George. It s some people out there on a boat Yelling something. Ii sounded like nine goals a barfing " i m calling the police. Christmas crafts for children Here s a fun and traditional Craft thai i Learned to make Back in first Grade. Gel some construction paper some children s safety scissors and a big Jar of that White paste thai they used to have in Public schools Back during a t 16 Eisenhower adminis Lenl Ion. Now take he scissors and attempt to Cut the construction paper into 1 Inch wide strips and finally give up in frustration because children s safely scissors Don t Cut Worth diddly squat. Now cat the paste. That s what we always did. Reader asks Why Bride s family pays for wedding by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners find the custom of the Bride s family paying or the wedding totally anachronistic in today s world. Presumably the historic rationale is that the family of the Bride is unloading a financial liability that is a partner who will not be contributing financially and must therefore absorb All the wedding . These Days however women Are prepared for careers and expected to work just As much As men indeed i Sec Many instance where wives earn More than their husbands. Adding to this their role As child bearers and primary housekeepers women these Dayi make far greater contribution to Moil marriages than men do. In sum All the expenses and planning of weddings should be shared equally by the parents of the Bride and Groom. This is not Only More democratic but it Aiso enable couples to have the weddings they want weddings that Are often beyond the financial reach of one family. Gentle Reader miss manners has nothing against families getting together to give their children weddings if they so wish and would be Happy to discuss inc Issue of adjusting financial arrangements to modern conditions. But she has a great dual against the pseudo historical analysis in which you indulge. While Post Industrial revolution parents sponsored the weddings of their daughters to wage earners the custom was also practice by aristocrats who married heir heiresses to the Rich or to the poor but enterprising and by peasants whose daughters were expected to toil in the Fields alongside their bridegrooms. That brides arc liabilities unless they earn salaries is an dim that does not Bear scrutiny. Worse is your Assumption that social custom is primarily dictated by Money. This one had to do Wilh a lady s being a member of her parents social Domain until she was ready to establish her own. Young gentlemen tended to marry at a later age arid to have Bachelor households if they could afford to Money was a Factor Only because being hosts at any social event certainly including a wedding reception has always been considered inseparable. From paying the costs. A proper poor lady who was marrying a tycoon who knew he d have to support her entire clan from thai moment on. Would still have. A wedding in the style of her parents. ,. The biggest change nowadays is that Bolh Bride and bridegroom Are unlikely to emerge directly from their parents dwellings into their joint one. For this reason some couples now give their own weddings although Many brides cling to the charming traditional and still emotionally valid form of returning to their parents jurisdiction for the occasion. If finances were the Only consideration Why should the parents be involved it All neither set is Likely to have received a Penny from ,1 child or Ever to expect _ one barring emergencies miss manners favors Basing  about. Who will give the wedding on family reasons among them the closeness of the ties  in age or attitude of the Bride s assuming the forms of being her parents dependent the selection of a location convenient to those least Able to travel. Offers to help the hosts with the Bills should be discreetly made wit the understanding that Pihrt does not buy non hosts voting shares in the occasion. Generosity especially in preventing Well meaning people from taking on financial hardships is a Lovely impulse the desire to assess everyone possible in order to have a More showy wedding than family circumstances permit is not. Dear miss manners someone at school a Friend of my Best Friend is obsessed Wilh being polite. She is always Quick to Correct the slightest errors or apologize for her rudeness which nobody else Ever seems to notice Don t gel me wrong everyone in the group we belong to is a Well mannered and intelligent Honor student. Even so whenever she Goci on her round of apologies she makes it seem As if the others present Are the most uncultured people she s known because they did t notice her minuscule mistakes. How can i Tell her hat her behaviour does t Thow off her Good manners but instead off not people gentle Reader the next Lime she apologizes for something minute you have miss manner permission to say cheerfully of Don t give it another thought. We re much Loo polite to notice such things  v dear miss manners with the Ever changing fast Pace of inc world has society accepted baby showers Given for unwed mothers i be been invited to several and would like to know your  Reader we cry miss manners is i i checked the purpose of a baby Shower was still. Sir Niy to celebrate an anticipated birth. She does not recall any Sweet old fashioned custom of first investigating the circumstances of the Conception. Dear miss manners i met an old Friend the other Day whom i had t seen for a very Long time we went through the usual formalities telling each other about our Homes families Etc. When i inquired about the Well being of her husband she replied of we be been do Vocco far about two Yean now and that s All she said. I did t know whether to say of How Nice for you or of i m to sorry being stunned i simply replied of. And How s your Mother How should i have reacted gentle Reader exactly As you did. As congratulations on a divorce would be unseemly and commiseration May Well be inappropriate the tactful thing to do is to go on to the next pleasantry and Hope hat it will Fane better. Dettt Lorr tsp 1388 Elf Ift Oug Azlant