European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - January 24, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Going gaga Over the Virtues of Brandi Henderson Baltimore Sunb Aby talkers says Nan Bernstein Ratner should not be be ashamed of the goo goo s and Gaa Gaa s and All the other sounds that they make at babies that sound silly but feel right. Go ahead have those Little conversations with your baby says the University of Maryland assistant professor of linguistics and speech pathology. Repeat words elevate your pitch speak in italics and exclamation Points. You May not know it but what you Are doing is teaching the baby to talk. As a student of baby talk what she Calls a very respectable area of inquiry in the Field of child language development Ratner 35, finds her work Little understood by the Public. The Public either thinks these things Are self evident or they think it s ridiculous she explained from the floor of the living room of her Home in Kensington md., while her children 10-month-old Adam and 3-year-old Jamie provided constant distractions. She finds herself battling for example no less an authority than miss manners columnist Judith Martin who had this to say about baby talk in her 1984 Book miss manners guide to rearing perfect children baby talk As an affliction of practically everyone who comes into Contact with a baby even one that does t articulate at All yet is As illogical As it is irresistible. The household that gives in to it is doing the child a serious disservice. Eventually he will find out that words such Asoo Are not on the College Entrance examinations and he will have to learn a second  such an attitude could t be further from the truth Ratner insists. For she believes that just As babies Are born with an innate capacity to learn language adults and older children have an instinctive gift to teach language. Human beings Are born As nurturing creatures she said. Why should t it be inborn in us As Well to use different kinds of language with babies to be sensitive to their undeveloped language abilities and to help them learn language her own Home is one of her Best laboratories these Days. Jamie who just turned 3, is fully conversational and no longer hears real baby talk directed at her. Adam though is at the very beginning of his language development. He says one word Home and he Only says it when he is in a car pulling up into the family garage. It s much More complicated than meets the Eye Ratner said. When people hear baby talk they hear something that is almost embarrassingly cute. They hear the funny intonation contour they hear the funny Little words like Tummy or icky poo and that s what they think baby talk is in its entirety. But speech to children is like a whole language. There s much More to it than simply its intonation and its vocabulary. It has its own syntax its own grammar. There Are specific ways in which adults put sentences together for kids. They use very Short sentences they repeat themselves a lot they  in the scientific academic world baby talk is called child directed speech or Mitherese an name that Ratner believes is sort of unfair because fathers and other relatives and caretakers also use baby talk. Baby talk is used in some form in every culture that has Ever been studied Clear evidence of its intrinsic value Ratner believes. Techniques of baby talk Ratner and other researchers have found can vary from culture to culture. In some groups including a group of mayan indians in Equador that she studied language is taught directly. This is what you say say this to me the Parent will Tell a child in the United states the More common technique is to instruct by example. Coming from a background of work with speech impaired children Ratner became interested in baby talk while a doctoral student at Boston University. There s so much to learn and they do it so quickly she said. I think it s very fascinating. Take a baby starts talking at the age of 1 or later by age 4 most kids sound wonderful. So in three years they earn a whole  / t to a older folks she pointed out Don t learn quite so quickly. We All took languages in High school and College and in three years basically we Learned enough to stumble through telling people our Luggage was lost at the  studies of adult conversation have found Ratner said that if you take a conversation Between adults and chop it up into single words Only about half of the words in a conversation Are really understandable. Adults talk a Little Sloppy. They under articulate. They slur words together they leave out some sounds. It s not great  adults manage to understand each other. But when she read those studies Ratner wondered if adult speech to children is 50 percent Lousy 50 percent degraded and kids Don t have vocabulary yet they Don t have grammar yet How the Heck do they Ever figure out How to talk and the obvious hypothesis was that adult speech to kids is much  she proved that hypothesis with her doctoral studies in which she computer Analysed parents recorded conversations with babies studying intonation pitch vocabulary syntax grammar. Each aspect seems to have its own function. Intonation for example the lilting melodic tone that adults often use in talking to babies serves to get the baby interested. Those studies led to another observation fathers she found tended to use somewhat More Complex vocabularies with their babies. Fathers do a lot of the same things that mothers do but they tend to be somewhat less Moll coddling. The fathers were much less condescending to the  for example she would give them toys to play with and the parents would name the toys. The mothers would say look at the animals look at the horse look v so just As babies Are born with innate capacity to learn language adults and older children have an instinctive gift to teach language says a linguistics expert. At the Tiger but we had fathers saying things like do you see this Tiger he comes from Africa. He s a wild animal. He s not domesticated " that leads to a theory Ratner said about fathers As a Bridge Between mothers and the outside world a theory that is under investigation by linguists and could have implications in fatherless Homes. Some approaches to language seem to teach better than others. People have found that adults who use a lot of commands with their children sit Down give me this do that tend to have children whose language is a Little bit less developed at certain stages she explained. For instance they have trouble using subjects in sentences because they Haven t heard any. But some parents ask a lot of questions. And their children learn to use verb Structure better maybe because in questions you have the verb in the beginning of the  nevertheless it s very Tough to squelch language development in children Ratner said and most parents won t go wrong if they follow their instincts in talking to their babies. The More you talk with your child the faster they learn language she said and the operative word Here is with because Good language has to be  studies indicate it May take As much As five years before a Stepfather is fully accepted As a Parent. Not Brand Seebrooks new York times in months after Tony Gorman a retired social studies teacher married Louise Griffiths who has three children the youngest child asked her Mother at dinner one night when is Tony going Home it is not easy to be a Stepfather As Gorman who lives in Boulder colo., and other men have discovered. What makes the role even More vexing is that until recently there have been few role models and almost no research to help them do a better Job. Now this is changing. With some 1,300 Ste families being formed every Day and the vast majority involving Stepfather rather than stepmothers according to the Ste family association of America researchers Are starting to acknowledge the complexities As Well As the crucial nature of the Stepfather s role in the family. And they Are discovering How difficult a position it can be. He is expected to master Many roles in a hurry said or. Emily Visher a psychologist in Palo Alto calif., and a co founder of the Ste family association. He is expected to quickly win the respect and caring of the stepchildren. He must meet the needs and expectations of his new wife and himself As a Loving husband. And he must come across As an effective Parent to her children even though they May resent  studies suggest that it May take five years before a Stepfather is fully accepted As a Parent or at least an adult Mentor. He is Likely to encounter More difficulty building a relationship with a stepdaughter than with a Stepson. And Many Stepfather falter by trying to assume the Mantle of Parent too quickly. Page 14 the stars and stripes the Long time it can take for a Stepfather to build a Bond with a stepchild has been confirmed through clinical work and academic research. For example or. James Bray a psychologist at Texas women s University in Denton and Susan Gershenhorn a graduate student at the University of Houston conducted a study of 180 Ste families from 1983 to 1987. They found that after six months of remarriage the Stepfather was still a relatively Remote figure to his stepchildren. It took two years or so before the Stepfather and stepchild had grown closer although a Bond with a Stepson seemed to develop slightly More easily. After five to seven years the relationship had grown even closer although girls were still Likely to resist the Stepfather s presence and any attempts at control. Younger children accepted a Stepfather As a Parent far More quickly than did teen agers Gershenhorn said. Stepfather May have greater difficulty with girls than boys because girls often form a very close relationship with their mothers after divorce said or. Laurence Steinberg a professor of sociology at Temple University in Philadelphia. Steinberg is studying 200 families in Madison wis., focusing on the transition of children into adolescence. When the Mother remarries that girl feels displaced he said. We also know from past studies that fathers tend to be stricter with girls than boys. If the girl is an adolescent she will naturally resent that  by contrast boys seem eager to embrace a male role Model. They May even be looking Forward to having a Man around the House again Steinberg said. The most successful Stepfather Are those willing to allow the Mother to be in the Lead role while supporting her actions said or. Constance Ahrons a professor of sociology at the University of Southern California at los Angeles Ahrons has been studying 98 divorced couples and How they adapt to remarriage. The reason that a gentle transition often fails to occur is that a supportive role even on a temporary basis is contrary to traditional ideas of Manly behaviour said or. John Visher a psychiatrist who is married to or. Emily Visher. He is expected to be in charge Long before he has had time to form the bonding necessary to make it work he said. And when that stance backfires the Stepfather withdraws because he feels Defeated. He then physically and emotionally leaves the family by working late at the office or not being there even when he is present said Jeanette Lofas executive director of the Ste family foundation a research and counselling group. Or he May become even More of a disciplinarian As he becomes desperate to take  that discipline she said can be harsh because it is untempered by the warmth a Man naturally feels towards his biological child. A Stepfather May inadvertently Blunder reported or. Ronald Levant president of the Massachusetts psychological association because he May also be struggling with the guilt he feels by giving far More time and Money to his new Ste family than to his own children. Levant observed the behaviour of More than 100 Stepfather from 1983 to 1988 while director of the fatherhood project at Boston University. Too frequently experts add the Stepfather fails to recognize that he May be resented for bringing a different Type of parental behaviour to the household one that is alien to the stepchildren. The children then begin to build an idolized version of their biological father Gorman said forcing the Stepfather to compete with a ghost As Gorman put it. His own struggles led him to write Stepfather gentle touch press 1983which tells the stories of 26 Stepfather. Once the Stepfather begins to learn Why his stepchildren resent his intrusion and How his own feelings May be impeding appropriate action he can begin to heal the rift Levant said. What to do if preschoolers use bad words by Catherine Deangelis and Frank Oski Baltimore Sun what should i do about my 4-year-Otd Ston who has begun to swear usually preschoolers swear in the presence of parents to test their reactions. The tick is not to overreact but to make it very Clear that you won t permit his using certain words. When your child swears Tell him you will not allow him to say those words because they Are impolite or a similar word he will understand. If he persists put him in is room repeat this whenever he swears. Hell soon get the idea that he should t use those words in Public. Of course you must be careful not to use the words yourself. It s very difficult for children to understand Why bad words Are bad if they hear adults using them i m a working Mother with three Young children. Not surprisingly i often come Home tired. How could i make returning Home after a Tough Day better for All of us there Are no easy answers for a task that stumps even superwoman but these suggestions May help when you pick up your child from Day care bring a snack for the trip Home. Take turns with your spouse leaving work Early so one of you can pick up your child before you re both exhausted establish a Homecoming routine that gives you recovery time. Tell your children that they will get your full attention shortly after you be had a Chance to catch your breath and get dinner started. Reward your children for Good behaviour. Try a Chart with Gold stars or a special picture to color. Expect your children to begin their Homework after school and before you arrive. Reduce meal preparation during the week by cooking on weekends and freezing portions until you need them a microwave oven eases meal preparation. If you can afford it hire a High school student As a Mother s Helper for that first hour at Home involve the children with dinner chores. Setting the table is a Good task for a 5year-old. Share the evening tasks with your spouse. Take turns Clearing the table washing the dishes bathing the children and Reading bedtime stories. If possible take the family out to dinner occasionally to give everyone a break in a recent column you said that some children do not require the flu shot. However my doctor recommends it for ail 2-year-o/d$, first let s clarify the Type of "flu1 vaccine we re discussing. Many people mistakenly Call the hem Phylus influenza vaccine the flu shot with rare exceptions All children should receive this vaccine around 18 months to 2 years of age to prevent their acquiring serious illnesses such As meningitis caused by hem Phylus influenza bacteria. However the flu shot administered each fall to certain groups provides Protection from certain influenza viruses.11 the two vaccines Are entirely different my 3-y0ar-Otdis constipated. Should t use Glycerine suppositories or laxatives never use laxatives suppositories or enemas before checking with your child s physician the latter two can cause painful irritation or Small tears that might cause your child 1o withhold the Stool because of the pain laxatives can be dangerous in the wrong doses or when used excessively. All these methods can cause cramps and can be habit forming. The be Way to relieve constipation is to change the diet add High Liber foods such As cereals breads fruits juices and vegetables to that does rat help consult your child s physician who can prescribe an appropriate franc a skis director and or. Catt Rand 0eangt#e be