European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - February 24, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse By Susanne Fowler United press International edding Day can be the happiest Day in a Bride s life but it also can remind her of the Saddest Day if there is no Mother or father of the Bride to fill the traditional parental roles. Whether because of divorce or death women in the United states Are finding alternatives to tradition. Professional consultants and etiquette experts agree there Are creative solutions to the sometimes sad dilemma. Among the solutions finding a surrogate father of the Bride to give her away or tossing out the rules altogether by choosing to walk Down the aisle alone. Traditionally the Mother of the Bride helps plan the wedding and reception and can be a pillar of strength for a nervous Bride to be. The father of the Bride escorts his daughter and officially hands her Over to her Groom. Cabaret Singer Shane Taylor has two fathers a natural father and a Stepfather she has t spoken to in years in this Case says Taylor you say to yourself neither one of them really deserves to give me Taylor asked her brother to escort her at her Jan 7 wedding in Atlanta. My brother has been with me my whole life she explains. He seemed like the Likely one and i always knew it would be him. Basically i think being escorted Down the aisle is a neat tradition. What it comes Down to is someone keeping you Calm someone you love very much holding you Helen Marshall assistant news editor at a Chicago radio station also was escorted by her brother at her january 1982 wedding. But if she were � to do it All Over again Marshall says she might choose to Solo. I was an adult and did t need to be Given away in marriage from my father s or Mother s household " says Marshall. Even 20 years ago people were not sticking to strict rules of etiquette. Lorraine Vick of Cedar rapids Iowa was married in january 1967. She had a Church wedding but kept it Small inviting a handful of relatives and close friends. Nobody gave me away she says. There s an etiquette you re supposed to follow but it s More important for people to follow their own ideas she says. Professional advisers agree there s More to consider than just etiquette. Bridal consultant Marlene Levin of Highland Park iii., says there Are important emotional questions involved such As the Bride s feelings about her parents not being Able to attend the wedding. The Bride seeing herself in her bridal dress and not having her Mother there wide eyed and really Happy that s a really emotional moment. No matter How Many stand ins nothing prepares you for the general lonely feeling says Levin. It s on those very special Days when deceased parents Are sorely missed and that s Why i have thrown out Emily Post As much As i respect her in order to help the Bride eliminate that says the consultant s Job is to do whatever will help the Bride feel comfortable on her wedding Day so improvise she does. Half the weddings i do Are marriages where parents either Are deceased or broken up. Sometime we re dealing with As Many As four sets of parents she says. I had one Bride walking Down the aisle with two fathers. There s nothing Normal no matter whom a Bride chooses As her escort it s Wise to have a substitute on hand in Case of illness or emergency. Etiquette guru Letitia Baldrige who was White House social Secretary for Jacqueline Kennedy says it s not just the processional that changes if parents Are deceased. You Send out the invitations yourselves and you Don t use titles she says. And the couple pays for their own Baldrige says the problem of deceased parents is actually very common because lots of couples Are getting married again later in life in their 60s for but Baldrige takes a conservative View on the fabled walk Down the aisle. If the Bride is getting married for the first time she would ask a brother male Cousin godfather her Boss. Whomever is senior and close to for a first wedding Baldrige maintains it s improper to walk Down by yourself. There should be a Man giving you away a family member. If the Bride is getting married a second time she does t get Given away a lot of people do this wrong and it drives me up a Wall. It s a tradition that should be dropped after a first tastes have matured Page 16 the stars and stripes by Janet Bass United press International groundhog Day theme for a first wedding May not be especially suitable but for Judith Slawson s second marriage last feb. 2 it provided just the unusual non traditional twist she wanted. Myriam Marquez marrying for the second time and her husband Tony Pipitone a first timer struck a Nice Compromise for their wedding by holding it outdoors at a stately Maryland mansion. Because they paid for the wedding themselves they held the number of guests to 100 difficult for Tony because he has a big italian family Marquez said. The ceremony and reception of a second marriage can reflect the personality and financial considerations of the couple As it did for Slawson and Marquez. Slawson had so much fun planning her wedding that she wrote the second wedding handbook to be published by Doubleday this Spring. In a More traditional society Only widows remarried. Now second time brides and or grooms want restful events but not Pale initiations of the first she said noting the brides now tend to be career women. This one s for you Slawson said in describing a second wedding. A lot of people particularly Young people had to please their mothers for the first wedding. This time tastes have matured couples Are older and More confident in their tastes they know themselves the National Center for health statistics reports that 34.3 percent of All brides and 34.9 percent of All grooms in the United states in 1985 married for at least the second time. During that year the remarriage rate was 36.1 per 1,000 women Over age 15 and a whopping 95.7 per 1,000 men Over age 15. The divorce rate in the United states has steadily increased Over the past two decades the Center said. In 1970, there were 708,000 divorces or 149 per 1,000 people. By 1987, there were 1.2 million divorces or 21,7 per 1,000. When these people do remarry Slawson said they tend to make their second marriage ceremony a bit less Friday february 24,1989 traditional and formal than their first wedding. It s not awkward but they re not sure what they want to do. They Don t want to downplay their wedding but they tend to be Uncertain As to what s appropriate Slawson said. If it is the Bride or Groom s second marriage but the first for the other Slawson said Compromise May be the operative term. A Large bridal party of bridesmaids and Ushers May not be appropriate while just a Best Man and one bridesmaid May be perfect. Also a luncheon Brunch or cocktail party instead of a formal sit Down dinner May be considered. It could be held at the Home of a relative or Friend or at a club or hotel. White for the Bride and tails for the Groom Are acceptable especially if the Bride is Young or marrying for the first time but you do want the ceremony and reception to reflect the reality " Slawson said. If people would let go of traditional styles they can have lots of fun she said. Letting go could mean a vibrant red dress with White accessories for the Bride if it s a Christmas wedding. Or a very stylish Vintage outfit would Befun she said. Thematic weddings also Are appropriate for the second time around. Slawson chose a groundhog Day theme. Other possibilities could include an edwardian or victorian wedding or a Valentine s Day wedding. Wedding Sites could include a windswept Beach or Mountaintop or if the couple met sailing a boat. The couple May have to consider what to do about inviting stepchildren and former in Laws and How to include them in the ceremony. Stepchildren can be included in the ceremony but it depends on the couple Slawson said noting stepchildren could serve As Ushers or bridesmaids but she cautioned a woman with no children of her own who wants a formal ceremony might not want a teenage a Touchy Issue is whether to invite former in Laws it s a matter of the relationship she said. You should talk it Over freely and frankly with each and As for the invitations they usually list the couple at the top rather than the Bride s parents who probably Are not paying for the wedding this time around
