European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - April 13, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns a few words watch out from the airlines by Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspapers As the pikes Furson for the airline Industry. I wish to a Urt you. The lying Public thai to Cru is nothing to be d Riboul. Nothing. Despite the disturbing headlines you May. Have seen in Tho newspapers trashes another Plant plane is probably going to crash statistics prove thai when you re Riding in .1 commercial aircraft seven Miles above the Earth s surface you re actually three limes As Safe is when you re Riding in in automobile seven Miles above the Earth s surface of sure there have been problems. We know thai. Don t think we Haven t noticed that Large chunks of our air planes have been falling off in flight one min Lethe Pilot is telling the passengers on the left Side of the aircraft mint they can see the grand Canyon and the next minute the left Side of the aircraft is in i he grand Canyon. You will be relieved to hear dial this is nol Industry policy. Our now Creed in commercial aviation is simple and straightforward Only non essential parts should a ii off during night. Those proud words Are backed by commit Linen from whoever actually owns the airline Industry this week. We think it s pizza hut corp,., although there Are rumours thai or. Lester the Bidet k Kef Ilasa graduation present for his daughter Tami but the Point is that the people a i the lop of the airline Industry whoever they Are Are committed la your safely and this commitment extends right on Down to our dedicated workers who,.-. La Okoll unfortunately at the moment the airline Industry is experiencing a certain amount of labor unrest in the form of dedicated worker throwing heavy objects through our windows. But to can. Assure you the flying Public these Are valuable engine parts you Guys Are Tiro Wingl you Ivor tera put those things Buck where you found them 1 mean tight nov excuse me Ai i was saying we can assure you flying Public thai you Are gelling the safest airline service that is humanly possible Given the fact lha to All Hale each others guts. Also our air planes Are very old Many of them have whalebone fuselages. Of we do what we can. On those rare occasions when no labor unrest is scheduled we have skilled. Maintenance workers who thoroughly examine the air planes arid whenever they find a crack Large enough for an infant to fall in rough they Patch ii with a thick glob of the hardest most durable material known to Mankind the airline Melet. I. But frankly it s a losing Bailie because these plan shave been subjected to decades of continuous ,. Vibration and pounding caused by the person who ii ways sits directly behind me and Drums for the entire flight on his drop Down tray Able you know who you Are. Of you be i Redlo disguise yourself somali mesas n businessman sometimes As a child once even As n priest. Bui i. Know it s you because there cannot be two people on this Earth with the hand strength necessary to use tact in invitations to Gay w by miss manners United future Syndicate dearmi55 manners i have a wonderful daughter who is Gay. It was a number of years before our immediate family began to understand or accept this difference of lifestyle. Without dwelling further on that specific Issue Here s the debate. She will be gelling married within the next year. Although the marriage is nol recognized by this slate the ceremony will be held in a very prominent Church nearby. My children will All boat lending. Of i Send out invitations do i hand pick those guests who might be understanding since the topic of homosexuality is uncomfortable for Many to even discuss i do not want to Hurt any relative or close Friend who might otherwise want to be there. But 1 do nol want to Hurt my daughter by not ally mating to invite a few special friends. There arc several people who have met her future partner and everyone seems to agree thai she s a wonderful person. My daughter plans to have a reception afterwards. Although their friends will be attending i Hope cheerful support will also be in evidence from other directions. Gents Reader wedding guests Are always hand picked you Don t get them wholesale. What everyone to do is to try to collect people who because of their lies to the couple wish them Wel _. Only Loo often in Spile of reservations heterosexual couples typically encounter varying degrees of disapproval because of religious or racial differences the. Pregnancy of the Bride or objections drum non Stop All the Way from los Angeles to new York even at 3 30 in the morning when everyone else on the plane is asleep including the Pilot Rine. So go ahead and Pound tin our decaying air planes. Go ahead and leave your gum wads on our scats. But would you mind at least following some simple Milru Lions would that be too for you the flying Public specifically when we Load the plane we do it by. Row Numberslartingat the Back because anyone with the in of suet can grasp that this Isth mos efficient Way Reg her. Wrong the flying Public cannot seem to grasp this Basic principle. When we make our Preb Bardong announcement which we clearly stale is Only for people who have Small children or need special assistance is the Oklahoma land Rush As hundreds of adult passengers most of them you know who you Are. Healthy enough to play linebacker for the Chicago bears Barge onto the air plane and Block the aisles for Days at a time while hey stuff the overhead storage compartments with their suitcases Steamer trunks major appliances Lawn furniture Etc. One Day just for a prank we re going to make the pre boarding announcement before the plane is. Actually at the Gate and then we re going to stand around swigging liquor from those airline bottles while All you Oklahoma sooner clutching your carry on Luggage go Hunting off the end of the Gangway ramp . \ v whew feel a lot better now Don l you i d like to continue reassuring you about the airline Industry but right now i have Loal lend a meeting Wilh our new owner miss Tami Weeber Hocker who has this for Savins Money the number of costly per plane. Wings. " try line of thu proper response in those win refuse u. Condone tie wedding with their presence k i m. Sorry you feel that Way and an expression of Hope that hey will come around when they so c How. Wonderful the particular person is. In this Case miss manners fuels compelled to Point out that there might be in Levels of objection. Oho of a huh you could soften h lad. Social and Legal thanks rarely move in tandem one almost always lags mind he other. Laws Are supposed to be reasonable customs have More emotional than con tit. Your daughter May argue that she cares nothing for convention but she does or she would t yearn for the society s traditional Church wedding therefore people who May nol be offended by your daughter s living arrangements May disapprove of using traditional forms for what is not actually a wedding surely what the Church does is to bless the Union not perform an illegal marriage. You can. Of course write1 Oil i Host people Loo. Milk manners is merely suggesting thai you might be Able to draw on their Good will if Butir invitations and discussions refer to the event As a Church Blessing and a Union rather Blun is a wedding or marriage. Dear miss manners while we were enjoying a Holiday meal with sums of my husband s family my maternal reflex caused me to gently i mind my g year old son to take his elbows off the table. A guilty flutter went around and i realized that i was the Only one at table who was observing the custom. My genial Host said ii was a relaxed family affair so formal rules did not apply. The hostess disagreed and added that it was my right and duty to Correct my child and thai i ought to have support or at least no interference to defuse the situation i hastily explained the when in loophole la Rny Little. Troublemaker who was simply delighted at the dispute that had Arisen. Ceremony. I Don t want to raise my boy to be Superior that is inflexibly Correct but i m not Happy caching him to do a others do either. I said no More but i did ask that those present instruct my boy in the rules of Ihler table. Since my husband and i have a mixed marriage such things can be Curc moly delicate full of undercurrents of meaning. Gentle Reader miss manners does t want to get dragged into those undercurrents and neither do you. She will therefore Ive you an etiquette hydrofoil so to speak to enable you to skim along the surface without disturbing the Waters it is never Correl a child in words when you Are with other people. It is Embarrass no for the child As Well As for observers who try to relieve his presumed feelings by chem Iii in to support one or the other. Miss manners does no need to be labor the danger of seeming to criticize their behaviour As Well. Lest you protest that she is betraying your Noble dedication to the task of leaching your child belter manners than the general we it he to see notice that she said in by All Means Glare at your child with the classic maternal look that says Stop that or i la gel you if you Are sitting next to him you can also jog his Elbow until he finds it less painful to put it where it belongs. Dear miss manners my son died several years ago. His widow is being married soon to it customary for the family of the deceased spouse to be invited to the wedding they arc having a. Large wedding. If we arc not invited should we Send a gift gentle Reader it is not customary for fear that the family of the deceased spouse May find such a ceremony painfully reminiscent of the previous wedding. Your question suggests hint you Are on warm terms Wilh your daughter in Law and it would be kind of you to let her know i hat you wish her happiness. This can be done with a present if you wish or with a idler aptly 13,1989 Fri Pitt Mig Ielne
