European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - April 20, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns columnist bids Farewell to Bangs says hello to gel by Dave Barry Knight i Clatt newspapers think we need some kind of Public service advertising Campaign id remind he Public of the dangers of operating a motor vehicle White under the influence at a new half style i realized this while i was driving to work this morning. Many of my fellow commuters were honking at me and making digital gestures which frankly i deserved because i Wai dividing up my mental capacities As follows watching where i was going 4 percent. Checking my new hairstyle in the  Mirror % percent. So 1 apologize to you Ftp kit commuters especially Lioe Vergas Rwjr Vinji if Bow that wound up in the River but i had no Choice. 1 have 1o Monitor my new hairstyle to make surf the gel is holding i never had gel in my hair before you Sec. I never even really had a hairstyle before. For 41 years i have gone Wilh a very natural hair look thai was originally popularized by coconuts. Thai style consists of extremely is might a trances of hair or Coconut fiber that radiate from a Central Point on lop of inc head or inc Coconut proceeding downward via the most air Tel possible route and forming themselves into Bangs the thing about Bangs is. They Are nut a grown up hairs Lyte. They do not inspire respect in people. There has never been a United stale president Wilh Bangs. If passengers boarding an air plane were to. Glance Inlet the cockpit and see a Pilot with Bangs they would injure themselves diving out the emergency exits. They want a Guy Lite Chuck be Jig a Guy who is not even capable of. Bangs. Nevertheless i have been a a to Wear Bangs right into Middle Ige because i work for a newspaper. The first amendment to the us. Constitution specifically states that to ensure objectivity male newspaper. Employees should not be even i Limey aware of fashion. Modern newspapers Are fashion vorp zones protected by invisible protective anti style Shields. That prevent dangerous trend rays from penetrating and causing the men to suddenly Realise that they Are dieted As characters from 1954 situation comedies starring the Lite William Bendix this Lack of fashion awareness is reflected in journalism hairstyles. For example my editor this is the truth has not combed his fuiir.iri.24 years. He has extremely dense random hair which he cares for via a styling  known to lop Fouin hairdressers As evaporation wherein he gels his hair very wet in the Shower  combing it ht1 comes to work and spends the Day dripping water onto manuscripts thai free Lance writers have. Submitted each pouring his life s blood  hair care technique produces visual effect thai Bob As though a genetically deformed Bison is Squal Ting on his head. I was1 comfortable wit i my Bangs. I resisted All efforts by Jeri the extremely competent woman who cuts my hair to make me look less like cubby the Mou Tike Teer. My motto was hey it s my hair.". But then one Day at the hair Salon a scary cd Cal made me realize that people do not always know what is Best for them solves Pairwise what. Happened Vas a Large woman with a Large head of hair dyed approximately the color of Bazooka Bubble gum but not quite As natural looking plopped Down in the next chair and old the Hairdresser quor tease the Heck Ulof it  the hair i Resser rolled her eyes upward if you look closely at the ceiling of a hair Salon you la Sec thousands of Little dents caused by hairdressers shooting glances up there. And than she started teasing the woman s hair and she leased it and. Leased it so that the woman s hair got larger and. Larger causing her face to appear smaller and smaller until finally in looked the size of maybe a prune pit inside this gland radioactive Cloud of hair tease it More the prune pit commanded the Hairdresser. Whose eyeballs were now rolling All the Way. Backward into her head and 1 was thinking geez. Maybe i should listen to i  thai s How i ended up with gel in my hair running fellow commuters off the Road. The gel is supposed. To hold my Fairback and it works pretty Well  hour or so bul then a troublemaker hair will Start of become rebellious. Heyl it will say. We Don t have to take this let s form into Bangs and then there will be a general muttering among the follicles and soon hairs All Over my Scalp arc pounding their tin cups on the table and chanting Bangs Bangs Bangs Bangs and leaping Forward onto thy " forehead and i have to bring in the riot gel to quell them. Bui thai Only works temporarily. They Are. Always planning the next breakout. I am frankly Starling to wonder whether i can keep this hairstyle and 4tiljli.ive a career. Something has to give. I have logo look in the Mirror guests need t be shown How to use Salt spoons by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners i purchased a matched set of Sterling Tail spoons and Crystal Salt dishes at a antique show 1 enjoy hosting Small dinner parties and want to use inc spoons at each place. A 90-year-old Friend remembers inc Days when her parents used sail spoons and demonstrated by holding i half filled spoon in one hand and gently lapping the hand with her other clenched hand. Salt grains fell evenly Over he food is this the proper method of using inc spoons most of my guests will never have used a Salt spoon t suspect How should i tactfully demonstrate their use to a hesitant guest or should i avoid Cautin an embarrassing situation far my guests and forget resurrecting the bygone practice of serving Salt in open dishes gentle Reader hug no practice please Don t say i hat. Open cellars have always been the proper Fortna Way of serving Salt. Besides it makes miss manners nervous when she hears of Ordinary routines Oliy being described As quaint. Who is Busy throwing out thine practices what Are they going to do next wrench miss manners parasol Oul of her hands bul that worry was Noah my compared Wilh the state she Gol in who n trying Oul your Friend s interesting method of distributing the sail and comparing it Wilh the  Way of giving one firm Jerk to the right Iii us holding he Salt spoon. She had no trouble with the latter method until you told her  former. Now All she can say h that recent. Inventions Are vont Kerful ii of in link Jio Odness for,the1 Small hand held vacuum cleaner. ,. Either method is of rect. Bul miss manners doubts your Kuesel s will be unable in figure out How to get Salt to Oik with thy Ait of a spoon. If they have trouble they can always watch you or As t. One Rantem presume to instruct i tests who May for All you know have been1 using sail cellars All their live but miss Mii Nurs a Vishi Squire of Vliem real Siwl Chiw finite Rini it is to a Host to Iri Quiro Aboul any bit of equipment they find strange. Dear miss mannir5 i have a fair number of friends in my High school. Recently my younger sister by two years lot me that my friends arc ugly and indicated thai i should not allow them to be my friends because of thai. Motsi manners i do nut think my friends arc ugly and Cvenic they we Sci it docs not matter what they look like f know that s the proper Altitude. Besides we have a very Good time together. Is there a polite Way to to Cal my. Sister to leave me alone i have tried to explain my feelings but she docs not see my Point. Gentle Reader your Sisler badly needs res cuing . If she a been unable to Imron from you Hiiva 16 fun Cage the Worth of friends miss manners suggests you mention the problem to your parents who May consider this an excellent Opportunity to teach one of life s greatest lessons. Which you blew you scorn to know instinctively. Dear miss manners if a Host knows hit one person drinks a particular Brand of liquid refreshment and another person another Brand should the Host have those brands on hand even if they arc not what he normally buys i feel that is what should be done bul my spouse does not. Gentle Reader n4iii manners loves to be Able to fell disputing couples thai they Are both right. Your spouse is right in that you arc not expected to. A wbk 16 produce any Brand of liquor thai anyone May request. After All you run by running a neighbourhood bar. But if you happen to know that a frequent guest has a preference it is charming to be Able Ibi come up with just the right thing and when thanked to say modestly we keep this of hand because we know you Fike. It. Dear miss manners lately i have been receiving cards from companies thanking me for my business and from associates thanking me for a referral and of her types of build Chi courtesies. L what do you think of this trend should i be following it lob gentle Reader do you Scriff out All the thank you letters that you owe to friends and relations who have Given you presents entertained you Al dinner parties or overnight or done you any special favors realty now do you truthfully " a so. Miss manners Wil is least not discourage you from writing thank you letters to business associates. She does not want to condemn Courtesy , bul finds it Odd that the Hope of profit is giving a new life to a custom that the incentive of pleasing friends had not prevented from falling into disuse. " dear miss manners a when i Wasa boy of 6, my father admonished me about wearing my new baseball Cap to. The table saying a gentleman never enters a place where people arc eating without first removing his hat in Short if did not remove my Cap i was not a gentleman. Yet i often now Sec men in restaurants not Only with their hats on at counter but Alia Al the dining tables and even with women present i am tempted to March right up to them and quote my father. On you help Correct this situation gentle Reader certainly. A gentleman never Calls attention to the etiquette lapses of others. Miss manners trusts that this supplementary lesson will in no Way interfere with your admirable observation of the one your father taught you. Lpri20, 1989 trip Al Miga iat