European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - April 22, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The stars and stripes Page 11 Ann Landers dear Ann Landers my wife and i have been mar ried for five years. We get along pretty Well but this last year i didst treat her As nicely As i should have. There  physical abuse or anything like that. I just did t give her the love and attention site needed. We separated in september and stayed apart until thanks Gnu ing. We separated because my wife had an affair and became pregnant. She was reeling a lot or guilt and decided to leave. I love my wire very much and we Are Back together again. 1 have forgiven Hector seeing another Man and 1 agreed to accept the baby and raise it As my own. The problem now is that the other Man i very excited about becoming a father he wants to support the cd lid and have a role in raising it. My wife cannot make up her mind about what she wants to do. She says she wants to stay married to me but she does t feel it is right to take the child away from its natural Fuller. T have told her that if she wants a divorce i will give her one but if she would like to Flay married to me she most make it Clear to the other Man that he cannot be in the picture. I Don t see How t can be an authority figure if another Man supports my child and a hanging around our House. What is the Best thing to do. Torn in Reseda Calif dear tin Reseda accept the bet that this nun if going to be in the picture whether you like it or not. He could sat for risking rights and probably get them. Of you allow him to support the child however you be going to give him an even stronger position. I recommend that you not do this.,  o in my opinion the Best course of action would be for you and your wife to stay together and be gracious about the father s visiting privilege t strongly suggest that you two get counselling because there Are bound to be mint Lenoir problems and you will need to know How to Deal with them. Good Luck to All of you. Dear Ann Landers s. 1 was married to Paul for is years. He was men tally ill for id of Hose years. He could not hold a Job so i had to work hard to support him and our child. Unfortunately the child inherited Paul s mental ill Ness and i found it impossible to care Tor two sick people so i divorced him. Paul is Row homeless because no one wants to share living space with him. 1 can  perfectly because he is extremely difficult to have around. Would like to help him but 1 Don t want to remarry this Man. Is it illegal for me to let Paul stay in my House and receive his own medicare and welfare Bene fits please Check his out for me i need to know soon. Thanks for helping Ann worried in new Orleans Detrow. We spoke to the social Security office in new or leans. They also handle disability cases we were told tint your Farmer husband can live with you mid it nil not interfere with his benefits. If you have any questions Call social Security. They were extremely cooperative. Dear readers Here Are a couple of thoughts Worth considering Courtesy is cheap. Use it freely. It is dirt to be important but it is More important tube Nice. Afi Yono within of to Pim to pm Ang Toi Tolmoi Syndi Eale  land my Addom ukr Hwn n pm. C Tea Shari and so Rapai Apo 03211. Us form Parent wants answers after dental visit something happened today that i feel parents Over Here should do aware of. I look my 3-year-old daughter to the dentist in Hanau to have her front Teeth worked on. She got a shot and cried. The drilling Hurt and scared her so she cried. I wanted to go to her but parents arc not allowed 10 go with their children even a 3-year-old. So when she was close to hysteria i moved to a place where r could Sec the dentist working on her. I saw him putting hit hand Over her Mouth to quiet her. Forcing her to breathe out her nose. Only be could to she had a cold. I walked closer and saw her body heaving for air and then he Shook her. I stopped him and looked at her. She Wax hysterically crying in red As a. Tomato and obviously traumatized. The dentist informed me  this was the usual action taken to prevent children from crying. They Are taught this in denial school. This procedure closely resembles abuse. Seeing it firsthand and seeing the emotional upheaval it caused my daughter i would t care if god himself taught this procedure in is wrong. I did t want my child to experience that or to be treated like that. Parents should be Able to Comfort their children just Silling Iacre holding their hand would probably help More limn . I was never put through anything like that from any dentist and my Mother always stayed with me. This dentist did not even ask Formy permission or explain this procedure to me or my husband. Even if he had asked my permission he would t have gotten in. My children Are not treated like that. She trusted me i trusted him. How do i convince her to Trust dentists again know dentists cannot always do painless work but there arc other ways to quid a child. This procedure should be eliminated or at least explained to the parents and permission Given every time they visit the dentist. Germain Clouatre Babenhausen West Germany editor s note cd. Gary r. Badger 7lh medical com Ped tric dentistry consultant replies you re right parents should be informed about the use of Hind Over month technique i com and give per Mission for its me. It is i technique that when properly used can prevent hysteria  who Are Misbe hiting. The technique simply hairs the child to choose Between having the hand in the Mouth or reducing stopping the crying. No shaking or violence la used just the placing of the hand on the Mouth while gently saying to the child when you slap crying 1 will re move my  the alternative la controlling a child1 behaviour with techniques such As these is sedation and or Hosp Lilly lion or nol being treated until the child learns to be have. Both of these alternatives carry Uncertain risks. Children can Leun in Trust a dentist by process culled  this involves a series of appoint ments where the dentist progressively accomplishes More and More Complex procedures Al a Pace tolerated by the  Pedi Alric denial specialist can be most helpful in treating a child such As that described. Often parents Are allowed in the treatment area provided the child will respond to the dentist and nol the Parent. This determination is made with each child. Before any treatment is undertaken the Parent should be fully informed of the technique to be used and give permission for such treatment. Put that dog on a Leash writer urges i would like to address a problem thai i Haven t seen in the paper ii concerns dogs off of a Leash first of All i own a dog. When i walk her she is always on a Leash. I have had the problem of other people walking their dogs without leashes. I under stand How Good it feels la be Able to walk your dog without a Leash. I wish i could do the same but i also realize what an inconvenience ii is to people who have their dogs on leashes. Most of these Dags will come Back to their owners after they Call them four or five times. 1 wonder if they realize what could happen to their so loved animals one of the times it does t respond or react to their Call my dog is a Large Breed and could Hurt their dog badly. Their dog could be hit by a car the dog i m address ing ran across the Road after mine. Vet Bills could be expensive if my dog were injured. I could be badly Hurt because my dog is next to me where she should be. Children could be hurl in the process. If this continues you could hive to get rid of your dog or have the dog Pill to sleep or move out of quarters. I m not angry at hese people 1 just would like them to understand my Point of View. When my dog and i Are at the dog walk and an unleashed dog comes run Ning up i end up taking her Back Home and walking her later. In other words i make her Wail longer to relieve herself because your dog in t on a Leash. So please dog owners think about your dog s safely and mine when you walkout that door logo potty name withheld Frankfurt West Germany fighter Wing Memorabilia sought the Joth tac fighter Wing history office is searching for any Type of Memorabilia from the Josh Tow and All assigned units since us activation in the Early 1950s. The fighting 50th" has a proud history thai the history office would like to share Wilh incoming people and visiting dignitaries. Items that need to be resumed to the owner Wilt be reproduced and those on loan will be receipted. For information Contact tech. Sol. John Negri at 450-6129. Send All items to Solh Tow to Apo ., , 09122-5000. Disposition instructions on ail items Are needed to quickly process replies. Pen pals i d Ilka i stands i Olhorn count Rio urn id Yea sold and Uka to awl Fanea play ban Tarnoi. Raid and watch to and moving Brauo. Matugas East Mim Inslfe Ulbar a Nagra Orttman i d like mat and female pen Pahi Anufri am 39 Yaari old. I am an exam i a 2 upon f Ewarton p of s  wait in Kii i m 19. Pleas include main your pen pm column. My Hoblia Are wlm Ming. Dancing oar Danang and  a Tolar 91 Fernn 5utwilwo sum Hiiop. Main aug Bagayan Daoro Coly. Philippine i would la to hit pen Pali Krota t am is Tais of. I kilo Owden. 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