European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 27, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The stars and stripes Ann Landers dear Ann Landers i m involved with my sister s husband. We had an affair before they married and decided to continue discreetly of course. The Only reason Mel mar ried my sister was because he Felt sorry for her. She has been through some rough times abortions attempted suicides health problems Etc., Etc. They have been married for seven years and i be been seeing him Lor eight. I had a Beautiful Little girl by Mel but nobody knows that he is the father. I love this Man and he loves me. I know Mel wants to marry me but he does t want to Hurt my sister. Their marriage is empty no sex and her health is so poor he has to wait on her hand and foot. He is afraid to ask for a divorce for fear she will try to commit suicide again. How can 1 get the Man i love please make up a name for me. Anonymous dear Anonymous the name i have in mind for you could not be printed in a family newspaper. The Best thing you can do is get out of the picture. Make a life for yourself in another City if possible. If you continue to carry on with Mel you Are sure to be found out and the family will be split apart. You cannot build happiness on someone else s grief. Dear Ann Landers while i was visiting an elderly Friend of my Mother she asked me if i minded watching mass on to with her i am not Catholic. I told her certainly not. Will probably learn  the priest talked about the commandment thou shall not  i was fascinated when he said that it Isnoel necessary to use a gun or a knife to kill someone. He said. You can kill a person s spirit by talking instead of listening or belittling and putting a person Down or by being indifferent to a person s needs in other words ignoring him or  1 then thought of the lonely elderly people i see Day after Day. Who arc simply existing in nursing Homes. Their families pay the Bills and give them gifts that they neither need nor want. They Send fancy cards on special occasions when what these older folks hunger for arc a few Loving words written on a piece of paper or better yet a visit and a warm hug. I looked at my Friend and saw that her eyes we refilled with tears As the priest continued his Sermon. He spoke of the emotionally starved elderly to whom no body listens making them feel As if they have outlived their usefulness. 1 then knew that my suspicions were right. This lonely lady with whom i was visiting was one of these victims. My heart went out to her. Ann will you please bring this powerful message to your readers who May be guilty of killing without Reali zing it thank you dear Friend. A devoted Reader from Portsmouth  devoted Reader Here it is a Sermon of truth if Ever i heard one. Thank you. Dear Ann Landers every time i hear laps i gel misty eyed. It has an Impact on me like no other piece of music. This is Odd when one considers that there arc no lyrics just the sound of a Bugle. Where did taps originate who wrote it i be asked Many people and nobody seems to know. Do you Ann . In Bakersfield dear bake no i Don to but i la bet a Reader does. How about it Page 11 letters writer wants year of the single Soldier it is no wonder that a recent writer stated his negative feelings on too Many families in Europe. He referred to army families and family services As fat we need to think about  he expresses bitterness on How Money spent on Large numbers of army families takes away from Soldier pay raises training bar Racks conditions and army readiness. While i Don t agree that the presence of families impedes readiness i think this writer made a Strong Point about single soldiers that deserves addressing. I too resented the favouritism towards army families when i was a single Soldier. Now i am married with two children and enjoy being an army family. It s a great life. For a single Soldier however Barracks life was then and still is a neglected Issue. Single soldiers feel less important when their needs for better living conditions Aren t fulfilled. This is particularly True As they watch new Day care centers being built health care expanded and household goods allowances increased for families. Hurray for families i know the feeling of a Soldier who bunks with three or four roommates shares a 35-Man Shower and undergoes inspections of his personal belongings. These arc things Barracks dwellers resent because their fellow married soldiers arc privileged with their own Pri vate quarters. The army is indeed becoming a married Force with More than 55 percent of the soldiers married. But we cannot ignore the needs of the remaining 45 percent of our soldiers. They re family too. The army was very responsive to the needs of army families during the year of the  several needed improvements were accomplished in the areas of Day care the exceptional family member program and spouse employment assistance. Family member were Able to speak out at a National army family forum in Washington . And the Progress continues. We recently recognized women s Equality Day. It inappropriate that Equality be extended to All including the single Soldier. We be made great strides for the family. Now it s time we celebrate army wide the year of the single  we can t live without them. 2nd . Ronda s. Scott Berlin concerns Over possible lottery addressed recent issues of the stars and stripes have had some letters to the editor concerning the possible army conduct of an overseas lottery. I would like to address several of the concerns expressed by some of your readers and provide some additional information. The department of defense is conducting a congressionally directed Survey of members of the Mili tary services to determine the amount of interest that  May have in a lottery. Al though the army was tasked to prepare the con tract the army is not conducting the Survey. It is a department of defense Survey of military members in All the services. It is nol the intent of the department to initiate a Federal or a military lottery overseas rather it is to determine the amount of  interest that May exist for a lottery. The results of this Survey being conducted by a professional Survey organization will be Analysed and reported to Congress. We arc not in a position to prejudge what the Survey participants arc going to indicate on this Survey after All that is the Pur pose of the Survey. Included in the report to be sent to the Congress will be considerations the depart ment of defense has regarding any implementation of a lottery program overseas. I would Hope that you will make available this information to your readers to Correct any Misper cup lips or misunderstandings that they May have acquired concerning the role of the department of defense and that of the army on this Issue. I. Gen. Donald a. Jones Deputy assistant Secretary military manpower and personnel policy office of the assistant Secretary of defense Washington . Ideas on How to avoid an empty Mailbox when i arrived in Germany things were different new language new Money new unit strange phones. Only one thing was the same the Apo. For 25 cents i could reach my family and friends stateside and they could reach me. Since i was faraway it helped and still docs. For others who read the stars and stripes pen salads every Day looking for someone to correspond with i have an additional source to suggest. The let Ter Exchange a Magazine for letter writers offers pages of listings of people who love writing on a variety of topics. Free information is available from the letter Exchange . Box 6218, Albany Calif. 94706. Thousands of Miles seem a lot Shorter when your Mailbox is full. Thanks to inc hard work of the Apo and the letter Exchange my Box has been empty Only twice this year. Spec. Brian c. Ladd Baum older West Germany pen pals i am a married 26-year-old woman in me Aimy. My hobbies Are Reading writing and raising plants. I a Hooch must Susanne Haar american embassy Paris Apo new York 09777 please Fik Lude me in your pen pal column i am 24 years old. My hobbies ate driving music. To. Cooking sawing enl thing winery Wang and work tag Jigsaw puzzles. Tracey Ann Scott comrades club. Fence houses tym & Wear dh4 6hs England i am looking Tor pan pals. I am 20 years of Only another 45 years tilt pension time. I am a sum 5 Leet to Fanchea. Is h me or Are All the men tha site of Dustin Hottmann m you want to know. More about me and of course you do please write. I Watt answer All tetters. Emma Harris Mmitchel Morerod Yeoh Somerset England ba2i4ba european edition col Gene e. Townsend. Usan commander editor in chief it col Suzanne 1 Phillips Usan Deputy commander editor in cruel Marie Kominicki Mert Proctor Diane 8. Mcdermott production manager managing editor circulation manager this new�pap0r la an authorized unofficial publication for members of the military service Over area. Contents  the Start and stripes Are not necessarily tha official views of. Or endorsed by the . Government the department of defense or the . European command. The appearance of advertising in ims publication. Including inserts or supplements does not constitute endorsement by the department of de Tente or the stars and stripes of the products or services and Venland. Everything a termed in Xvi pub Cedon anal be made available Lor Purchase use or patronage without regard to race color religion sen National origin age marital status physical Handicap. 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