European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 28, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns video advances helped keep the 80s in focus by Dave Barry Knight Ridder news Papurt it s hard to imagine How we got along before we had the 80s. Take the whole area of modern technology by which i mean Japan which gave us such advances As the cellular Telephone which enables businesspersons to talk while driving badly and the fax machine which enables us to Send and receive documents and take out menus faster and less legibly than we would Ever have dreamed of before. This is part of the ongoing plot by our foreign competitors to reduce the once mighty american Industrial engine to a a ant encounter group for obsessive paper fondles but we can t Stop ourselves because fax machines have gotten so darned cheap you can t afford not to have one you know this is also Why everybody in the 80s except the actual homeless bought a Var a device that has revolutionized our amusement habits by enabling us to enjoy rental movie classics that we might never otherwise have seen such As Nightmare of the revenge of the National Lampoon police Academy nerds on halloween Xiv in the Comfort of our own Homes lying on our own sofas eating our own Laco chips and falling asleep after maybe an hour with our own drool dribbling onto our own shirts. And speaking of video advances let s not forget the camcorder. Suddenly if you were a new Parent which was very big in the 80sit Wos possible for you to follow your child who in the 80s, was named Jason Jennifer Justin Ashley Derrick or Courtney All Over Disney world carrying a chunk of technology that thanks to solid state electronics weighed no More than an Ordinary household Lawn Mower yet was capable of making videotapes that would give you countless hours of enjoyment if you Ever actually watched them which of course you never did because there was never enough time for anything in the 80s. Of course not everybody became a new Parent in the 80s. It just seemed that Wiy because of the aging of the baby Boom. I m Talkin about my generation a humongous Herd the 800-Pound Gorilla of demographic trends dominating the culture spending Money Ike crazy and turning 40 in droves and starting to pay real attention to fiber Cereal commercials and advancing our careers and taking Over the vice presidency of the United states As Well As Many truly important jobs. Yel we did not forget our roots in the Rock and rebellion years of the 60s. No sir we were absolutely fascinated with our roots so we had our big chill nostalgia wallows and our aging Rock band reunions and our pm stations that play our 17 favorite classic Rock songs Over and Over and Over and our movies and our Woodstock retrospectives and our self absorbed to shows and All the other Boomer oriented cultural manifestations that made the other generations wish we would just hurry up and go senile. Ronald  is a name that for some reason Springs to mind Here no doubt because he was one of the defining figures of the 80s, along with Mikhail Gorbachev Donald Trump and Madonna. But Reagan stood above them All. Wisely electing to Delegate to Unrien Ings the detail work such As running the government and remembering exactly what year it was he chose instead to concentrate on the task of restoring something very precious to the presidency something that had been sorely missing under Jimmy Carter height. That was a Quality that was unfortunately beyond the reach of another politically influential 80s figure Sylvester Stallone although you definitely had to give him credit for Width and for helping to restore the nation s self esteem by using a nuclear powered crossbow and cod knows How Many Gallons of steroids to finally win the Vietnam War in rambo part three or possibly four. Speaking of god religion came Back Strong in the 80s, especially on television with various leading religious figures raising millions of dollars for the lord although it is not Clear what the lord s actual net income was after Money was deducted for various evangelical expenses such As studios satellite time salaries Bouses houses cars additional bonuses theme Parks Motel rooms and of course Mascara by the 55-Gallondrum. Speaking of fashion the 80s saw a shocking increase in Denim abuse caused by Sharp dressers paying Large dollars for jeans that had been attacked repeatedly with Dull fashion implements so that at upscale gatherings you d see Many sectors of leg and butt and occasionally even private parts clearly visible through All these designer rips and holes. The 80s a Tel also be remembered As an Era when millions of men wore totally unnecessary suspenders millions of women wore Herman Muster Model shoulder pads even to bed and just about everybody at one Lime or another got a haircut that looked like the result of an unusually vicious fraternity initiation and wristwatches went Back to having hands which was Good although some of the expensive watches also mysteriously started indicating the phases of the Moon. Why what possible value could this information have to the modern Urban professional is there some secret connection Between lunar activity and say the Bond Market Well probably never know jut As we never understood such 80s economic concepts As leveraged buyouts junk Bonds Selling Short and  another unsettling trend was that magazines started spontaneously emitting perfume samples. You d be Reading an article about the greenhouse effect which in the 80s, replaced nuclear War As the giant scary thing you can t do anything about and you d turn the Page and whoosh you d be awash in Joan Collins sensuous new fragrance thrust de Groin and you d come Home smelling like a Massage parlor and get in trouble with your spouse which was bad because faithfulness came on big in the late 80s, primarily As a form of disease prevention not unlike flossing. Speaking of health the Early 80s saw a fanatical popular obsession with fitness although toward the end this trend tapered off with a lot of people settling for merely wearing Loose clothes and eating Frozen Yogurt. Another big food trend of the 80s was that restaurant menus became incomprehensible even when they were written in English featuring things like blackened free Range Kiwi that arrived at your table in molecular Servings on plates the size of wading pools. Also waiters started telling you their names As though at some Point maybe after dessert there was going to be a quiz. And More and More americans switched to Light Beer which was popularized by a hugely successful series of commercials featuring overweight sex athletes arguing Over whether they like it because it s less filling or because it tastes like weasel spit. Speaking of which Morton Downeyjr. Is an 80s name that Well probably be forgetting soon along with a lot of others such As Ivan Boesky de Meese Jim Wright Halley s Comet Imelda Marcos fee wee Herman Gary Hart spuds Mackenzie Roger Rabbit and Karl Marx. In fact i be forgotten Many names already because another major trend in the 80s surely you noticed this was that it got harder and harder to remember things. Or maybe that was just Basic guidelines for ladies who like to Wear hats by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners is there any social occasion at which ladies hats Are definitely not worn is it appropriate to Don one s Chapeau when travelling Only within a specific building my husband organizes and attends several conventions every year. We Are often lodged at the same hotel where the business functions Are held. If i were to Wear my hat would it be inappropriate since i did t travel outdoors to gel there or does a lady s hat simply Complete her outfit Are there specific etiquette rules about what Type of hat one wears and what one does with it at the theater i adore cocktail hats Little bejewelled veiled confections designed for evening Wear. I have As yet to buy one because i have not yet figured out How one eats when wearing one. Is it understood that when wearing such a hat one docs not eat what about drinking at a reception gentle Reader after racking her brain for mandatory Hatic soness a lady does not Wear a hat swimming no she might Wear a bathing Cap. Miss manners is unable to find any rules other than these 1. A lady does not Wear a hat at Home. You May certainly Wear a hat to Public rooms in a hotel in which you Are staying Only the hotel room itself is your temporary Home. 2. A lady does not Wear a hat in the evening other than the tiny cocktail hats you describe. These hug the head and so should not Block anyone s View at the theater. 3. A lady does not make a nuisance of herself with her hat. Large hats Are worn strictly during the Day so they would be a problem at the Heater Only during matinees. This has not stopped generations of cartoonists from depicting the exasperation of theatregoers in seats behind ladies wearing them. Of course one must remove the hat in such a Case and hold it in one s Lap. There used to be Racks under the seats for the gentlemen s hats but alas those Days Are gone 4. A lady does not make a disgusting mess with her veil. Veiled hats can indeed be a diet Aid but if you eat or drink you must lift the veil Back Over your head. Did you imagine you shoved sustenance through the mesh dear miss manners when one is dining out is it proper to ask people at a table next to you How their dinner was or to Lay for example your dinner looked so Good that i almost ordered it  gentle Reader your question seems like such a harmless and practical one that no doubt you will think it churlish of miss manners to deny you the privilege of asking it. Indeed Many perhaps most people would be glad to reply. That does not alter the fact that restaurant patrons do not expect to have to Chat with strangers. It May be an unwelcome interruption and an intrusion for those who came there to be with their friends or their thoughts. Miss manners is slightly suspicious of your intentions because your phrasing of the question i almost ordered it suggests that the time for ordering was past so that you intended your remark As a conversation opener. But in any Case it is unnecessary. You can Tell by looking at the diner s face whether the meal was satisfactory. Dec embers 1989 stripes Ngu be