European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 25, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columnists there s More to buying a car than kicking the tires by Dave Barry Knif Ihl rid Dor newspapers today s consumer topic is How to buy a car. The first Rule of car buying is one that i Learned Long ago from my dear father namely never buy any car thai my father would buy. He had an unerring instinct for picking out totally absurd cars cars that were clearly intended As Industrial pranks cars built by workers who had to be blindfolded to prevent them from laughing so hard at the product that they accidentally shot rivets into each other. For example my father was one of the very few americans who bought the Hillman minx a wart shaped British car with the same rakish sporty Appeal As a municipal parking garage but not As much pickup. Our minx also had a Surprise option feature whereby the steering mechanism would disconnect itself at random moments so you d suddenly discover that you could spin the wheel All the Way around in a playful Circle without having any effect whatsoever on the front wheels. A a what fun you can imagine How i Felt As an insecure 16-year old with skin capable of going from All Clear status to fully mature zit in seconds arriving at the big High school Pep rally , where All the Cool Guys had their thunderbird and their corvettes and their cos with their giant engines and 2 3 carburettors and there i was at the wheel of the Hillman minx a car so technologically backward hat the radio was still receiving Winston Churchill speeches. You Don t see Many mines around any More probably because the factory was bombed by the consumer product safety commission. Nor do you see Many Nash metropolitan another car my father once bought. The metropolitan was designed by professional cartoonists like Buster the car goes to  it was so Small that it was routinely stolen by squirrels. It was not the Ideal car for dating because there was room or Only one person so the other one had to sprint along the Side of the Highway trying to make casual conversation and sometimes dropping from exhaustion. Being a gentleman i always made sure my dates carried flares so i could go Back and locate them at night. Of course today s cars Are considerably More sophisticated by which i mean  this is because modern cars employ All kinds of technologically advanced concepts such As measuring the engine in  let s say you buy a car with a 5.7-Liler engine. This Means that when it Breaks Down you should not ask your Mechanic How much it s going to Cost until you be consumed 5.7 liners of a manufacturer approved wine. Of course the most important consideration in buying a new car is the rebate. This is one area of automotive technology where America still reigns supreme. A lot of japanese cars Don t even have rebates whereas some american car dealerships have become so sophisticated that they no longer even sell cars. You just go in there and sign Legal papers for a couple of hours and get your rebate and your Zero percent financing with no payments due until next halloween and you Dri a Home in your same old car. Ask your automotive sales professional for details. He s clinging to your leg right now. No just kidding the last Lime i jokingly suggested that there was anything even slightly unpleasant about buying a car. Several million automotive sales professionals wrote me letters threatening to take All their advertising out of the newspaper and Jam it up my nasal passages. So let me state in All sincerity that As far As i am concerned these people Are gods and car buying is the most  fun that a person can have while still wearing underwear. But h c an also in confusing. 1 Here arc so Many brands of cars today with new ones constantly being introduced not Only my Domestic manufacturers but also from foreign countries such As Mars. Take for example the infiniti. A car that  introduced by a i Arre advertising Campaign in which perhaps you noticed this you never actually saw the car. Really. All you saw in the Maga Ine acts was Ocean Waves leading you to wonder is this a submersible tar. Or was there some kind of Accident during the photo session darn it. Bruce i told you the tide was coming in but. No the infiniti ads were done that Way on purpose. They wanted you to spend $40.000 on this car plus whatever it costs to get the barnacles off it but they refused to show it to you. Why because the infiniti is actually the Hillman minx. Sci just kidding again. The truth is that the infiniti acts Are part of an exciting new trend called advertising whose sole purpose is to irritate  the ultimate example of this is the Magazine and for Den aka Vodka where a haughtily Beautiful woman is  at you As though you re the world s largest Ball of underarm hair and she s saying when i said Vodka i meant  what a fun Gal i bet she s a big hit at parties. Psst come into the Kitchen we re All Gonna spit in the Den aka woman s drink my Point is that there s More to buying a car than just kicking the tires. You have to know what you re doing which is Why All kidding aside i recommend that you carefully Analyse your automotive needs study the Market thoroughly and then Purchase the car thai you truly feel in All objectivity has the most expensive advertisement in this newspaper. Don t thank me i m just keeping my Job. Woman s behaviour was careless but not rude by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners a couple who Are my husband s Good friends gave a Brunch in Honor of our anniversary. The wife and i have never been friends a result i believe of her having had a crush on my husband years ago. At Brunch she made a Point of asking my husband if he cared for a certain condiment served with his main course. He answered in the affirmative. I assumed that i would be asked too. Instead i received the dish just As my husband had requested his and i did t want the condiment. How should i have handled this disregard this is not the Only rude behaviour i have received from this woman. I expect More of the same As we will most Likely be seeing them often. Gentle Reader miss manners cannot judge the rude behaviour you do not describe but presumes that the example of the condiment is either typical or the most blatant instance. And she finds it impossible to classify that behaviour As rude. It was careless. Unlike certain other social sciences etiquette does not assume accidents have unpleasant motives. It generously overlooks them. Your Choice was to say of could i have some without Mustard or to let it pass miss manners prefers the latter course. She realizes that you will find this answer unsatisfactory As you believe that you Are being deliberately slighted by this lady. If such is the Case and you might consider that a person who disapproves of a spouse or who wishes to interfere with a marriage does not generally throw an anniversary Brunch in the couple s Honor you would do Well to behave especially graciously. As these people Are your husband s friends it would be Worth the Effort to make them your friends As Well even if you must use Charm and tact to overcome resistance or indifference. Dear miss manners i know the guests of Honor should be seated at the right of the Host and hostess but i am planning a Little dinner party and have invited two couples who arc equally important to me. They Are also in the same age bracket. How should i Seal them so that neither couple will feel less important than the other gentle Reader if there is no obvious difference of age. Rank Sik h As one person s being a member of the clergy or intimacy people you know better yield the place e of Honor to newer guest you must befuddle these couples so they can t figure out How you ranked them. This is done by seating the wife of one couple at the Host s right and the husband of the other couple at the hostess s right. Even the pickiest guests can Only argue afterwards about whether you like her better than him. Dear miss manners for the last two wedding anniversaries we attended the invitation stated no gifts  but when we arrived with no gift they had tables set up for gifts and some people had brought gifts. Are we right or arc they gentle Reader miss manners can t help pointing out that she has Long warned even gentle modest Well meaning souls to avoid this instruction on an invitation. One is not supposed to be thinking about even the possibility of presents when assembling intimates for an important of Casimm. So both the hosts and the gift bearing guests Are wrong and you Are right. Once that instruction is there it is ridiculous to disobey it. Forgive miss manners for hoping that such violations will kill Iff the very idea. Dear miss manners my brother became the new owner of a pharmacy bought by my father. All our family members sent Flowers plants Etc. The cards were addressed to dear of since he was the pharmacist in charge chief owner and manager. My brother got furious and took the cards off the plants. He wanted us to Correct them to include his wife before he would replace them on the plants. He and my sister in Law told me that As an educated person i should have known a simple thing like that. I did t Correct my card. As a result we did t even receive thank you notes. Should a wife s name be included when for example a doctor opens a practice or a husband opens his own business for the record his wife did t want my brother to have this business. She was t involved in it and she forced my brother to sell it three months after the opening. Gentle Reader ii never fails to amaze miss manners How brazenly people will make up etiquette rules to suit their emotional purposes. There is no Rule that a spouse must be included in business congratulations if that person is not also included in the business itself. Whether your brother s outburst was connected with his family s feelings about his wife or his wife s feelings about the business miss manners cannot pretend to say. But it is not connected with a violation of etiquette. Do not take your etiquette advice from people who vilify their relatives for congratulating them and then fail to write thank you notes. January 2s, 1990 tar Lei Magazine