European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 2, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Former hostages elections on Freedom file photos 3 the release of hostage Robert Polhill was an occasion for former hostages David Jacobsen left Lawrence Jenco and Benjamin Weir to recall their own first moments of Freedom. By Seth Mydans new York times i Enjamin Weir Felt awkward in his sandals and ragged Beard. David Jacobsen Felt angry at his captors at the press at the world. Lawrence Martin Jenco just wanted to look out the window hungry to see the Earth and the sky and the Trees. For these three former hostages the freeing in Beirut of Robert Polhill and Frank Reed made them recall their own first moments of Freedom and to reflect in separate interviews on just what Freedom meant to them after months of Captivity. In each Case the emphasis was slightly different As was the Way the men seemed to absorb their experiences into their lives. But they agreed As Polhill himself said immediately after he was freed that a Man regains his Freedom in the Small details of life in the ability to walk about or to choose when and what to eat. Quot Little things came to mind As i watched or. Polhill on television Quot said Jenco 56, a roman Catholic priest who works As a Campus minister at the University of Southern California. Quot in be been through that process. I know where he is  All three former captives said Polhill who was an accounting professor at Beirut University must now be going through a bewildering time As a Man who has lived in isolation is suddenly surrounded by clamor. Quot i was surprised that people had paid much attention to the fact that i was taken hostage Quot said Weir 65, a presbyterian minister who now teaches at the san Francisco theological Seminary in san Anselmo Calif. Jacobsen who was released nov. 2,1986, at the age of 55, and who was the last hostage to be freed until Polhill a release said Quot basically you want to be left alone with your loved ones. Its tiring to have the phone ring constantly not to be Able to step out the front door without a camera Crew waiting. Quot you become a hostage again Quot said Jacobsen who spent nearly 18 months in Captivity. During his 19 months of Captivity which ended on july 26,1986, Jenco said Quot my dream was that i was going to be set free and just go Home to Joliet and Knock on the Back door and say a in a Home now. I was a Little bit upset that my dream was not being realized. As he watched Polhill being interviewed inside an automobile just after his release Jenco said Quot i thought what a tragedy. Why not allow the Man to look out the window and see the creation he had not seen for 36 months Quot recalling his own experience he said Quot i remember once in one of my prisons a guard left a door open and i looked outside and i saw a tree and i just started to  As with this sense of deprivation the new sense of abundance after his release made itself Felt in the overpowering presence of the details of Normal life. Jenco Felt paralysed by the variety of food that was suddenly available to him. Quot you see the massed foods in front of you and you done to know where to begin Quot he said. Quot you Don t even feel  at a reception soon after his release Jenco said he had to apologize to an ambassadors wife saying Quot in a sorry i m staring at you. I Haven t seen a woman in 19  in the years since he said he has worked to maintain what he called Quot a certain patience Quot a sense of proportion about life that allows him to stand in a Long line or miss an air plane More calmly than in the past. He said it was important to him that Quot i did no to try to bargain with god in praying for his release from Captivity. Weirs first moments of Freedom on sept. 14,1985, after 16 months in Captivity were lonely and frightening As his captors left him standing on a darkened Street in Beirut. Soon he said the clamor of Juis reception would overtake him and he would feel Quot Joy and a sense of elation and great  but at the time of his release he said Quot i also Felt very awkward. I was in sandals and an old jump suit. 1 had a Beard. I Felt kind of out of place. I was a stranger at that moment at least i Felt i was a  in an unsettling Way that moment of liberation echoed the moment of his Captivity. A when i was captured everything in a Short space of time was taken away family friends work possessions opportunities to engage in some kind of creative activity with other people a All that was stripped away and at that moment i Felt very vulnerable Quot he said. Quot and in the return i Felt vulnerable As  Weir said this sense of deprivation and vulnerability had stayed with him As a feeling of empathy with the unfortunate people of the world. Quot i feel very keenly that i had joined those oppressed by the world people who Are locked into circumstances of Many different kinds and who Don t find a Way out and who done to find a voice Quot he said. In talking about the former hostages John Stein the Deputy director of a private group called the National organization for victim assistance noted that Polhill had said anger and humor were the emotions that helped him endure his Captivity. A i think one of the reasons David Jacobsen has done so Well is that he is a very angry Man Quot Stein said. Quot he was a Tough angry Man when he entered into that situation and his anger stayed Good and High while he was a captive. And it has served him Well in Many respects since  Jacobsen who now lives in Huntington Beach Calif., was director of the american University Hospital in Beirut at the time of his kidnapping. One of the things that made him angry when he was released and continues to make him angry today is the voracious Ness of the press. Quot i get asked the same questions Over and  he said. Quot nothing has changed. So if i get a Little testy in a normally very kind and understanding and caring a but i do get  during his Captivity Jacobsen said Terry a. Anderson the associated press correspondent who is in his sixth year As a hostage warned him that this would happen. Quot he called it the Media gang rape. That was his  the other focus of Jacobsen Sanger is his former captors. Some Day he said they will be tracked Down themselves and captured. Quot we Are going to prosecute them Quot he said. Quot it will be democratic. They will have their rights in court. Evidence will be submitted and we will convict these men and we will sentence them and we will punish  the isolation of Captivity has bred a sense of brotherhood among people who have been taken hostage. Years after their release All three men said they could never feel truly free As Long As other men remain captive. This sets the Beirut hostages apart from the americans who were held in the . Embassy in Iran who were captured together and released together. Sixteen westerners including six americans with the release monday of Frank Reed Are still missing and believed held by kidnappers in Lebanon. Quot you Are still held hostage Quot Jenco said. Quot i will always be there. You Wake up and say maybe today they re going to be free Quot for the families of those still captive Jenco said each newly released hostage becomes something of an emissary even for a time a substitute. Quot or. Polhill becomes the next loved one Quot he said. Quot he becomes the brother the husband the Friend. If he is not carrying letters he becomes a physical letter to the families. He shares with them what it s All  in such ways the brotherhood of the hostages May set them slightly apart from other people. But for Weir that sense of connection extended in an unexpected Way to Many people he had never met Quot i still have the experience of meeting people who Are unknown to me who have been in very serious prayer for myself and others. Its a very serious Bond that i had not been aware existed. It is a strange and very powerful  wednesday May 2,1990 the stars and stripes a a a Page 13