European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 9, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Americans disappearing dads f by Tamar Lewin new York times for All you hear about the new father those Cosby like dads who Are just As involved in diapers and Day care As any mom the reality in Many families is quite the opposite the disappearing american father who leaves his children emotionally and financially. While it has Long been common knowledge that Many poor children especially those whose parents never wed had Little Contact with their fathers a research paper has found the phenomenon of the disappearing father alarmingly widespread. The paper by Frank Furstenberg and Kathleen Mullan Harris both of the University of Pennsylvania was based on a study that followed More than 1,000 children in disrupted families nationwide from 1976 to 1987. The families were selected to be a representative Sample mirroring the general population on factors such As race geography income and education. Over All More than half the children whose fathers did not live with them had never been in the father s Home the study found and 42 percent had not seen their fathers at All in the previous year. Only 20 percent slept at the fathers House in a typical month and Only one in six saw the father once a week or More on average. The problem of maintaining Contact with an absent father affects millions of children and the number is growing. More than 21 percent of All american children lived in families headed by women in 1988, almost twice the percentage that did so in 1970. Quot the whole abandonment thing is terrible for the children Quot said Paula Roberts a senior staff lawyer at the Center for Law and social policy in Washington. A in terms of the possibility of these kids making healthy Long term relationships for themselves its very  Furstenberg said the results of the study published this Spring might reflect a changing concept of fatherhood in american society with Many men behaving As though their responsibilities to their children last Only As Long As their relationship with the children s Mother. Quot men regard marriage As a package Deal Quot said Furstenberg a sociologist who studies families. Quot they cannot separate their relations with their children from their relations to their former spouse Quot he said. Quot when that relationship ends the paternal Bond usually Withers within a few years  children who live apart from their mothers Are a far smaller group representing Only one in nine single Parent families nationwide but according to the study they fared substantially better in Contact with the absent Parent. Only seven percent had not seen the Mother at All in the previous year and 58 percent slept at her House during a typical month. But Furstenberg said both mothers and fathers who live apart from their children find it hard work to maintain a close relationship. Doing so is often complicated by geographic distance remarriage or an inability to negotiate amicable child rearing arrangements with a former spouse. Quot we tend to think of abandoning children As a bad personality trait but it seems that there Are real mechanical obstacles to maintaining a relationship when you re excluded from the household even for moms Quot said Furstenberg. The study found surprisingly Little difference Between fathers who had divorced the mothers and those who were never married. For both groups Contact with the children dropped off sharply the longer the father had been gone. And the estrangement occurred no matter How old the child was when the father and the Mother separated. Fathers of All races lose Contact with their children in the study 60 percent of the Black fathers had not seen their children in the previous year As against 47 percent of the White fathers. Since most women raising children without the Page 16 a a a the stars and stripes father in the Home receive no child support payments having an absent father can spell both emotional and economic problems for children. Misty and Joey Milot of Dallas have not seen their father for six years. Their parents divorced in 1981 when the children were still Small. For a while their father visited occasionally and paid child support regularly. But in 1984 he stopped coming and in 1988, the payments trickled to a halt. And now 12-year-old misty says what she feels toward her father is simply rage. Quot when i see him if i Ever see him again All i want to do is beat him and spit on him and then laugh when in a done a she said. Quot i m More than mad that he abandoned us i m  Milot who now lives in Arizona blames his former Rel in More than mad that he abandoned us in a disgusted. Misty Milot wife for the estrangement. Quot we had a very bitter divorce and i moved away but whenever i came Back to Dallas to see the kids their Mother would always get in the Way Quot he said. Quot once i got there Quot he said Quot the kids were crying and cowering by the Wall because she a been priming them against me so they were petrified. After that i sat Down and said to myself Norman what a happening to those kids Isnit Worth it let them get on with their lives in a convinced in be done the right  his former wife Lynda Milot Benson who Heads the Texas chapter of aces the association for children for enforcement of support a Toledo Ohio based organization concerned with child support said she never interfered with her former husbands visits. Quot i can t think of anything that in any Way resembled that Quot Benson said. Quot its the typical thing you hear from abandoning fathers that the moms Are psychotic and its All their  about the Only thing they both agree on is that the divorce has been very hard on their children. Quot the sad part is that kids need two parents Quot is Benson said. And Milot said Quot kids Don t Desene to a torn up like  10 experts in family matters say the pattern of separation bitterness accusation and counter accusation and guilty misery on the part of the children is so common As to be predictable. Almost always they say the fathers who Stop visiting and Stop paying child support accuse the Mother of being a bad Parent interfering with visitation or spending past child support payments on herself a Quot those accusations Are usually a red herring either to cover up Lousy behaviour by the abandoning Parent or As a bargaining Chip to make the custodial Parent accept less child support Quot said Roberts of the Center for Law and social policy. Many mothers report they have heard from the father of their children Only rarely since he left have no Contact with his family and Little sense of his whereabouts a state of affairs the children often find bewildering. Frances Snyder of new Carrollton mde a never married the father of her daughter Chelesea and he moved across the country before the baby was born five years ago. Quot he called when she was 18 months old to ask what id had Quot she said. A and then i did no to hear from him again until last year. Chelesea asks where he is and Why he does no to love her or come visit and i done to know All the  children a advocates say it is difficult to find a policy solution that would change the behaviour of fathers. Quot you can to legislate a Parent to have a Good relationship with a child Quot said David Liederman executive director of the child welfare league of America in Washington. A the Only thing we can really address is the economic abandonment the fact that so Many of these children Are left in poverty when their father fails to pay child  despite increasingly Tough child support enforcement Laws Federal statistics show that about $18 billion of owed child support is unpaid. For example Milot who once earned $100,000 a year was ordered to pay $750 a month for misty and Joey but he says he has not held a regular Job in two years and cannot make the payments. In Many cases children whose biological father leaves them will eventually see the father role filled by another Man who comes into the household. A Many men who become stepparents or surrogate parents in a new household Transfer their loyalties to their new family Quot said Furstenberg. Quot relations with their biological children become largely symbolic if they survive at  Many mothers report they have heard from the father of their children Only rarely since he left. Saturday june 9,1990