European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 8, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse Dating singles focus on building a relationship by Sujata Banerjee Baltimore evening Sun saturday night fever is probably the movie that Best summed up the 1ate-1970s dating scene in the United states. Across the country Many people of All Ages imitated the film s Celebration of the single life. Thousands of would be John Travolta crowded into sweaty discos eager to find lust if not love on the dance floor. Casual one night stands were the Norm for Many. But just As styles of music change so do lifestyles. In the 1990s a when there Are More singles than Ever before a dating appears to be changing for some people. It is becoming More desirable to find a mate to build a relationship with rather than brag about All of the names in one s Little Black Book. It is difficult to document such a trend but signs of such changes appear to be growing. The Playboy clubs have closed. The hot Selling cars Are minivans. Advertising a key popular culture barometer is filled with lines stressing intimacy. One company tries to sell a breakfast Cereal with a Jingle that intones Quot for the one you marriage rates remain at near record High Levels As Posl War baby Boomers who have waited longer to get married take the leap. A lot of people Are also choosing to live together without being married. The . Census Bureau reports that unmarried couples constitute most of the 2.7 million households comprised of unrelated persons of the opposite sex that figure has quadrupled since 1970. Of course there Are a number of reasons Why trends in dating Are changing including the aging of the population the fear of aids and the growing economic pressures that make More difficult the chances of finding Quality. Sociologists at the University of Michigan recently reported the results of a study showing that women who dated extensively before their marriages were no happier with their marriages than those who married their first sweethearts. Quot dating is a trial relationship it s getting to know someone and yourself. Its much like taking driving lessons before you drive the car Quot says or. Melvin Prosen a senior psychiatrist at Sheppard and Enoch Pratt Hospital in Baltimore who met his wife on a Blind Date. How is dating changing for some singles the responses Are As varied As their lifestyles but with some common themes. Quot at first when i was looking for someone to be involved with looks were very important Quot says Karen Harris 30, a Baltimore office manager. Quot looks Don t matter to me anymore. You begin to look More deeply at How a person is Jeff Dickson a 24-year-old Laboratory technician from Baltimore agrees. Quot when i was younger i always had this base thing about looks. You d see someone and say immediately a yes i will or no i won t go out with her. Now i realize people grow on me. I had a Friend for a Long time one Day i just looked at her and realized wow she a very attractive to me Quot Dickson said that he prefers to be friends before lovers a sentiment that others interviewed share. Accordingly the Arenas in which people meet Are being structured to feel More congenial than the traditional Quot meat Market Quot atmosphere of bars. Quot the Best Way is to meet someone while doing the thing important to your life and find someone doing the same thing Quot advises Bob Kaufman 59-year-old founder of the leftist discussion group taif singles. The group draws anywhere from 20 to 60 people twice a month at the Homewood friends meeting House in Baltimore my. Kaufman says people go Foremost to hear speakers on issues ranging from the environment to civil rights. Everyone wears the stick on name tags that Are the Standard at singles events and most stay around for the casual after lecture discussion. Quot people Are skipping bars because they Are not interested in what they would meet there Quot says Kurt Morrow co owner of the Baltimore and Washington franchises of great expectations a National video dating organization. A a great first Date i had was going Mountain climbing Quot says Dickson. Quot the neat thing about Mountain climbing is it instills a lot of Trust in a person a they be got their life in your hands. Suddenly you begin to Trust the person As someone Quot you done to meet people out on the Street or in a social setting As you did years ago in College when you could meet in a bar Quot says Tim Carroll 25, director of operations at Baltimore s metro traffic control which gives radio traffic reports. Quot movies used to be a comfortable thing to do but nowadays i would rather find out about the person and do More talking Quot says Carroll. Head do that hiking at a baseball game or maybe dancing jigs in an Irish music bar. Quot people have More fun talking and getting to know a person in the environment in which they Are comfortable Quot says great expectations Morrow. A we Tell them to do casual simple things they enjoy like going for a walk with a the traditional Way of meeting someone new a through friends or family a is still popular. A i like to meet through friends to know More about the person going in. It s More a secure kind of thing it makes it a Little easier Quot says Carroll. Quot if i have a Friend who i think would be a Good match for another Friend it s easy to arrange a Small dinner party for six or eight a says Kaufman. Harris Romance started when she noticed the handsome single brother in Law in her girlfriends wedding picture. Harris met him Over a family dinner. Quot i was around people i knew and so was he so it was very very relaxing and comfortable Quot says Harris. She Learned immediately about his family and was comfortable telling him about her Strong commitment to religion. Their dates Over four months included Church going quiet times at Home As Well As dinners and movies. A two months after we met we were talking marriage. We knew Quot says Harris. On his first Date alone with somebody Kaufman would be very Quot inquisitive Quot he says Quot As you get older it becomes Clear in your own mind what you Are looking for and who you Are. I find it very easy to say a Tell me about yourself where you were born your family your Home where you studied Quot when she says of your turn a i feel comfortable. And at the end we might say Well now that we know each other we know we have nothing in common but it was a Lovely time a Goodby. Overall the whole society has opened up so it is easier to talk with each other about what really Are our modern dating difficulties search for Romett by Mark wonders staff writer it was a typical Friday night at the . Military Community s Plantation club in Frankfurt West Germany Young men and women decked out in Stetson and Blue jeans were coming in to enjoy country music night a Complete with country and Western music and some Good old two stepping a and the companionship with the opposite sex. But the reasons for having such by Sujata Banerjee Baltimore evening Sun wanting to meet someone does t make it happen As War scarred daters will Tell you. Obstacles ranging from age to Long working hours fear of crime and geography keep singles away from parties gatherings of family and friends cultural events and other common avenues of socialization. For Many Leisure time has decreased according to Joe Collins a founder of special times a Date planning sen ice in Baltimore. What daters say Bear him out. Quot it is More difficult to meet people people Are working More and suddenly they Are wanting family and some balance to life a says Kurt Morrow co owner of the Baltimore Washington franchise of great expectations video dating service. Among those who find dating More difficult Are people who work Long or Odd hours. Tim Carroll operations manager for metro traffic control has a work schedule that leaves him Little time for sleep let alone going out. A i get up at 3 30 . And work at least 12 hours getting Home anywhere from 4 to 8 .,&Quot says Carroll. Quot work has forced me to not actively pursue dating As i would if i did no to have a crazy work Karen Harris an office manager works 9 . To 5 ., and her Fiance works from 1 30 To 10 For the . Postal service tuesday through saturday. They snatch evening hours to see each other and Reserve sunday for going to Church and other quiet relaxing activities. Monday night is the Only a a Date night for dinner or movies. Young singles May complain about the pressures of work but Many older singles feel isolation brought on by their years away from the dating scene. Middle age and elderly people Are often swept off balance after divorce or the death of a spouse. By the time they work up the courage to think about dating the Prospect looks insurmountable. Women outlive men generally so most senior singles events Are dominated by females. Such women also find that the men in their age group often want to Date younger women. Julia Miller a 68-year-old widowed grandmother found pikes Iii senior Center a place she enjoyed volunteering meeting friends and ultimately her new husband Irvin 75. They met when he approached her in the sewing room and asked her to mend his shirt. A i usually Don t fix anything for men but i said to myself Well he looks Good to me a says Miller. Quot i fixed his shirt and he invited me to breakfast at big boy s. He kept coming Back to the sewing room and asking me out Over and Over. It took about six weeks and the Romance Miller did not have a Happy first marriage and that left her wary about dating again. A it s hard to Start dating after being widowed especially if it was not a Happy marriage Quot says Miller. Quot i did t want to go out with someone because of the fear of having another bad life. I was looking for someone who had kindness and feeling for other people. I never expected to another obstacle to dating is the fear of crime. Incoming College freshmen women around the United states Are routinely warned about the problem of Date rape. Overall violent crime against women is reportedly up 50 percent in the last decade. One reason for the increase is More women Are reporting such crimes. Quot Mary a a 45-year-old Divorcee always arranged to meet the men she was sent by a computer dating service in a Busy Well lit bar in a suburban hotel. She drove herself to the dates and never stepped into a Man s car or allowed him in her House. Her caution arose after a Friend was almost assaulted by a Man she met through a Magazine personal and. While using a computer dating service Mary was keenly aware of her need to protect herself while dating strangers. Worries about crime aside Mary was disappointed with the computer dating service which led to a series of mishaps that makes her laugh now. The computer dates the service sent a a succession of meter readers plumbers janitors and other Blue Collar men a were resentful of her status As a stockbroker. Quot Tell them you Are a Secretary Quot the dating service advised Mary. And although she had asked for someone within five years of her age All of the dates looked to be her fathers age. The exception was a Tom Selleck look alike who was instantly disqualified when he wanted to go to bed on their first Date a despite the fact she had pneumonia. Mary saw 15 men Over a year s time and not one worked out. Quot the men i met were Nice people i just knew they weren t somebody i could spend the rest of my life with or even another hour Quot says Mary. Quot they were sweaty a desperate. They All wanted to get married again immediately to find a she has since retired from actively looking for dates. Quot i think if you Are Over 40 it s really difficult to meet somebody. You have friends and families and that s enough. My life without men is fairly comfortable though its not people on both sides of the Date line successful or not tend to agree that finding someone to love is connected to having Faith in oneself and courage to follow through. Quot relationships fail because people Are unable to Deal with commitment and responsibility Quot says or. Meivin Prosen a senior psychiatrist at Sheppard and Enoch Pratt Hospital. Quot we Are living in an age of me first people who Are Likely to succeed in relationships Are those Quot fortunate to be brought up in a family where meaningful relationships Are Mia Durrett Orby Tuzette Evans and Carla Millar grab a breath of fresh air on disco night at the Rainbow club in Darmstadt West Germany a Peck from e Friend helps the night move along for Gary Mayer partying with buddies from Mcnair Barracks at Plantation club in Frankfurt company were As different As the people themselves. Quot in a just looking for a Friend right now until i go Back to the states Quot explained Robert Hopkins 26, Quot when i get Back to the states i la get others like Gary Lee Meyers 23, were ing meaningful pursuing a More serious relationship. Quot in a looking for a woman who has intelligence that i can relate to that May become one Soldier Melenie Darovitz 20, who is assigned in Frankfurt found dating men her age difficult. Quot actually right now in a looking for a meaningful relationship. In a looking for a Guy my age who will devote his life to me Quot Darovitz said. Quot this is unrealistic because Guys in their 20s Don t want a steady Girlfriend. Quot it seems that Guys my age Are very unrealistic and very immature. They done to understand what a woman wants. They want to Date a different girl every weekend and sleep with a different girl every weekend. They done to understand that a woman wants to be loved by one Guy for the rest of he life Quot Darovitz said. Quot Darovitz has found some satisfaction dating Guys in their 30s, and by dating German men her age who she finds More mature Quot it s easier to get along with americans Quot explained Darovitz Quot but they re too immature so in a lost in the too Young group Quot she said. Another problem according to Darovitz is that females in the military Are not taken seriously when it comes to dating. I wish that Guys in their 20s would not consider women in the army Quot sluts Quot and consider them to be women who Are serious and want to have a Vernetta Greathouse 26, the Plantation glub manager finds nationality plays a if you re talking about germans a lot of Mem Are looking for a serious relationship but if you re talking about americans Mey re looking for Page 14 a a a the stars and stripes saturday sep it Ember 8,1990 country and Western night at the Plantation club Frederick. Christensen above left Gary Meyer Ruben Mulkey Anthony Stuttle and John Whitenack Collin Fuller left and a woman at the slots. The club is a popular hangout for soldiers Friday nights. A amps photos by Jim Derheim the stars and stripes a a a Page 15
